VegemiteGrrl's Home for the Absent-Minded

"no metal in microwave" feels less like something i learned & more like i was somehow born knowing it

Early 80s sitcoms always seemed to have a joke where someone gets one of them fancy microwaves and it explodes because they try and heat a can of beans in it.

Jennifer Lawrence's character in American Hustle does that iirc!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dA5HiTXpY0s

My old boss tried to destroy data on a cd-r in the microwave - I don't know why not just snap or step on it?

If you put a sponge in it wil BOBBLE UP!

OH CANADA!!
http://www.inspection.gc.ca/food/information-for-consumers/fact-sheets-and-infographics/specific-products-and-risks/fruits-and-vegetables/sparks-when-cooking/eng/1332278105073/1332278331477

Not sure where else to put this, but I was checking out at the grocery store a bit ago and the female cashier hands me my receipt and says, "Happy Father's Day!"

So what, in all my glorious Sunday morning astuteness, did I reply with?

"You too!"

I hate myself.

I love that story every time it happens

To other people

<3

Wife putting bags on the kitchen counter last night after returning from the grocery store was very upset when she realized she left the rotisserie chicken at the self-checkout register. I offer to go back for it, and head to the help stand by the self-checkout and ask if they're holding a rotisserie chicken that was left behind. Attendant gives me a big smile and hands me the bagged chicken. When I get home my wife opens the bag and says "That's not my chicken."

Just got a text from my wife with a picture of her chicken which she found this morning in the car under the driver's seat.

Lol

I frequently lose things and empty my backpack to make sure the item isn't hiding in a secret pocket or something. If I don't find it, that's fine though, because 50% of all disappeared items somehow show up in my bag again 24 hours later. Conclusion: I have a magic bag.

xp
Score!

I wonder that if the buyer of the second chicken returned to the store for it, the manager would think there's some kind of scam going on - guy watches checkout for misplaced chicken, goes to the manager a few minutes later to "reclaim" it.

patched a pair of jeans this morning and discarded a pair that were too far gone to fix.

and then, three hours later, changed into the second pair in order to go to the shops.

Walked to the shops to recharge my myki (metro trams) card and get some bread.

Bought bread and 28945734785634 other things.

Came home and realised I hadnt done the met card recharge >:|

Not a direct fit here, but it'll have to do...

Two weeks ago I attended a baseball convention in a large midtown hotel, the events of which were all on the first 3 floors and involved a certain amount of going up and down escalators, often passing through a dimly lit mezzanine. On Saturday morning I found myself nearly walking into a fellow wearing a cap and T-shirt (like most attendees). We proceeded to do the two-step "Excuse me" shuffle for about 10 seconds where you keep getting in each other's way. So with a sheepish chuckle I stood aside to let him pass.

Yes, it was then I discovered I was standing before a mirror.

Okay, that is awesome.

ohhh that is gold-medal, morbs <3

kudos

http://basementrejects.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/duck-soup-1933-marx-brothers-mirror-routine-groucho-harpo-review.jpg

I'd had just one cup of coffee and it WAS dark

yesterday at work i walked by a trashcan with my car-keys in one hand and an empty sbux cup in the other

i caught myself right as i was about to drop my car-keys in the trashcan

been there, done that

I got a cup full of cat food out of the bag one time and then dumped it right into the trash instead of the cat's bowl

"A very provocative woman comes up to me, and she begins to... size me up... and I take her upstairs to my hotel room. Shut the door. Remove my glasses. Show her no mercy. I unbutton my shirt, and she unbuttons her shirt. And I smile. She smiles. I remove my shirt and she removes her shirt. And I wink and she winks. And I remove my pants. She removes her pants. And I realize I'm looking into a mirror."

https://m.popkey.co/d8d909/lkjrK.gif

beautiful story morbs

Realised my flies were undone at the office and tried to zip them up without anyone noticing, but instead they made a slapstick ZZZZZZZIIIIIIIPPPPP! noise at five times the regular volume of trousers. Embrassing.

Later in the day I was taking my sweater off and accidentally took my t-shirt partway off as well - no big deal, just a beer belly - but then I somehow reinserted my head in the arm sleeve, got stuck and had to excuse myself.

If you ever need to make a significant adjustment to your clothing at work - any vertical zipping on a non-jacket item counts, any removal of a pullover layer counts - just do it in the bathroom.

Boys aren't taught this by their mothers. That's why I used to adjust my belt in front of people for years, like I was about to whip it out, but no, I'm just gassy, which is also TMI.

lol wait what

I have, in the past, not for years, semi-consciously unbuckled and buckledy belt in the middle of a conversation because I get lost in my shitty ideas a lot and I used to not understand all the manners

Or frankly give two fucks about manners - this was also when I wore Docs every day. Believe it or not chuck taylors at the office are an upgrade

Disagree about the toilet thing! Come to our office, adjust your buckle all you like.

I do a lot of random shit at my desk but I'm a slob. Actually in front of people, or in the hallway, I think I do less of it? Scared now.

I am about 90% sure my fart control mechanism is broken. I'd only chance silently farting at my
office desk, but I think having headphones on (and having them cranked up to music levels) somehow renders my brain incapable of remembering not to fart loudly?!?

so we're talking belt adjustment in the restroom, but I'm probably singing out loud and farting even more
loudly at my desk

Dont think this is just a boy thing (erm. Unless I'm just an uncouth dork>?). I have more than once undone my jeans button under my desk for comfort, then completely forgot I'd done so and got up and strode off across the office with my button undone :(

my manager takes his shoes off at his standing desk and walks up and down our row that way but idgaf

I do my part by taking folks over to an unoccupied room, or closing the door to my office, and then, only then, quietly painting a word picture of the unzipped pants, or the dry cleaning tag, etc.

Best approach imo

Better than the complete stranger who lunges at you in the lift and yells TAG DAG! and tucks in your sticking-out shirt tag >:|

that is the most australian thing i have read this week. it's like one of three men in the whole country is "that dude who tries to be the aggressive bro in your friend group"

it was a woman who did it!

doubly aussie, then

Haha, yes I suppose it is :)

two out of three women iirc

i'm bad with shoelaces. and then the women on the street have to tell me to tie them. it's like a public health hazard, like what if their kids trip. on my shoelaces.

I don't want to live in a world where adjusting your belt or button is frowned upon.

That said, I've my own office. Door's usually open but I can close the door which signals to my colleagues 'do not disturb', so I realize I'm privileged.

i once, as i left the flat to visit the shops, went out to put a binbag in the downstairs big bin on the way. forgot all about the bins and ended up at the door of the local shopping centre still carrying a great big black sack half full of rubbish. it's the sort of detail that, were it ever used as evidence in some kind of crime at which i was a bystander or whatever, no jury in the land would ever believe.

Thats awesome.

i mean how long were you walking along with the bag in your hand!?

oh i mean maybe only 5 minutes or so. but still..

I'm imagining Obama writing his memoir and all of it just being this stuff but Obama. I'd buy that book

Speaking of bins, recently spent a while sorting out the rubbish into recycling and landfill, rinsing out recyclable food containers, taking apart packaging made of different materials to go in separate bags

took it downstairs and threw the recycling into landfill and the landfill into recycling

I considered just leaving it, but felt bad and also intimidated by the signs everywhere saying that if landfill ends up in recycling tenants may be fined and they might stop collecting our rubbish etc etc. So, being too short to reach into the giant bins and fetch the bags out by hand, I went and found a nice sturdy stick which had fallen off a tree and eventually managed to hook the bags and fish them out. Some teenage boys went past the bin store door as I was doing this and looked disdainfully at me, the mad bin-hoking bag lady.

and then two days later I made the same mistake again.

At our old condo, I took at least a couple of bags full of clean, folded, gently used clothing that was to be donated and chucked them in the garbage bin.