Kids say the darndest things

"We forgot to have dessert!" regularly appears around bed time in my house, to which I usually respond you had some grapes or a cookie or whatever to which the response is often something like "only something that has chocolate in it counts as a desert".

My sons now have a thing during bathtime where they will say, "You're the pancake and this is syrup!" and then pour/spray water all over me. It was cute at first.

lol

"Time to wash my tentacles!"

"This is Frankenstein's monster. When he meets someone HE DOESN'T EAT THEM! He gives birth instead."

"daddy what do you like better, machine gun or voodoo chile?"

is it possible to have this conversation without a spliff??

aw

xposts James imagining the logistics of that has given rise to some disturbing images

E (2 now) has this thing she does now after bedtime, where we'll be in the dark for like a sold 20 minutes of silence, and I'll assume everyone is asleep, and then all of the sudden she'll call out something like "Dad! Do you remember Peso? From Octonauts?" Or "Dad! We forgot to have dessert!"

― IF (Terrorist) Yes, Explain (man alive), Monday, October 16, 2017 11:07 AM (two days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Last night it was: "Dad, do you like cookies and cream?"

My kids still do that! They'll call "dad" over and over and when I finally go in their room it will be some insanely trivial, random question.

that dynamic works both ways ime

You mean I should stop going to their room? Yeah probably.

no I mean annoy them by calling them over while they're engaged in something else to ask them (or have them do) something totally stupid

advice from the jerky school of parenting!

"Dad, look!" with no additional information. From several rooms or floors away.

It could be a gorgeous sunset, a particularly gross booger, or anything in between.

E also likes to say "Dad can you try it?" about things she is doing that there is no physical way I could imitate, e.g she is in the bathtub and does some kind of flop (I am clothed and not in the bathtub), or she climbs through some very small thing on the playground. "Dad can you do like this?" *does thing* "That's how you do it!"

Often the object they're calling you towards isn't decided until you get there. They'll look about and pick something up to justify calling you.

Like "Dowd! Dowd! Dowd!" "what?" "um...here: this toy lion".

my favourite current toddler tantrum is him screaming at me 'nooo! Don't wipe my tears away!'

that made me screw up my face with glee

i have twice had to go around the corner to hide my laughter from him

oh last time he made me put the tears back on his face

LOOOOOL

dying @ that

it's his thing! He used to hate having his temperature taken: 'don't take my temperature! put it back in!'

omg <3

oh last time he made me put the tears back on his face

LOL. My wife just called to let me know that our son was 30 minutes late to preschool because he had a complete meltdown in the parking lot when she wiped his mouth, insisting that they go back home so he could put more peanut butter on his face.

haha

oh my god that is amazing

lol, I haven't dealt with those exact tantrums but I definitely recognize the general concept

the Fuckin' Fours are worse than the Terrible Twos imo

We park in a self-park apt building garage where we (usually) park behind another car. Every time I pull into the space and stop now, E, who is 2, says "Dad, drive a little more!" meaning pull up more. She is usually right.

xp: heh, just wait until the Thoughtless Thirteens.

omg mine has done that too re putting dirt back on his hands when he didn't want them wiped

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNjRjycjFIc

hahahaha

So glad my kids never did the fake crying/whining thing to get their way. I hate that!

i love all this rottenness so much <3

The kids were talking about how Justine Clarke is about to have her own show on ABC (she's a kids tv presenter)

Dex declares "it has a puppet dog, called Snuffy the Dickhead!"

One of my sons has started attempting to engage our Amazon Echo in conversation and it's been amazing.

For example, he banged his leg on a table running around the living room and said, "Ow! Alexa, do you have legs?"

<3

Kids talking to siri etc is always a fun time.

my son has a song he made up and sings quite a lot, usually after I tell him something. It's called 'No it isn't' and goes: 'No it isn't, no it isn't, no it isn't.... no it isn't, no it isn't...'

I put on Massive Attack's Protection as dinner music last night and D started singing "I'll stand in front of you" randomly as the song went on; then, when "Karmacoma" started, both boys started doing a raise-the-roof dance routine in their chairs. To my knowledge, I hadn't played the album for them before.

It's working. It's really working.

So cute.

"Earth is my favorite planet because that's where my friends live"

Been super into dinosaurs lately and last week he came home from preschool having learned that “poop” is the funniest word ever. So now I’m constantly hearing “poopasaurus is the stinkiest dinosaur ever!”

Does he know that the word for fossilized dino poop is "coprolite"? Because I know that now, all because of children.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CPUEX0quyh0

"Be Faithful" by Fatman Scoop was playing on the radio while I was getting ready this morning; after I left the bathroom, D followed me to my bedroom and jumped up and down on the bed while rapping the Black Sheep quote as I got dressed.

omg <3