execrable children's programming pox

Yeah, that Johnny Johnny 3D thing freaked me the fuck out when I first saw it - I've caught a fair few of these on "weird youtube" and seen some very odd Elsa from Frozen Caesarian Section type games on hosting sites but I think not having (or having much to do with) kids means I may well have missed out some proper weirdo content.

I still cannot believe that Elsa game exists

I just spent a good 30 mins trying to find a Medium post that made waves over the summer abt this "phenomenon", creepy youtube for kids. It was about these youtube clips, seemingly created for children but with bitter, torturous twists (stuff like Peppa Pig being degraded, hurting etc). The comment sections all had comments in some form of code language, seemingly gibberish, but when decoded lead to child pornography websites and degradation porn. No conspiracy (or lunacy) theory stuff here, trust me, it really did lead to horrible websites. But I cannot for the life of me find the medium article any more... :-(

It's probably deleted. Regardless, it's where tl;dr James Bridle got his info from though, but in his Medium article he's only barely scratching the surface.

In short: there's some fucked up stuff just a click away. The digital variant of luring kids makes me nauseous.

KIDEODROME: scary "Kid's Youtube" algorithms, fringe programming, insert conspiracy theory here

Have generally been on board with Hey Duggee but ffs the stick song gaaaaah

STICKY STICKY STICK STICK

beachville at 8:20 7 Mar 12

Add Lego Ninjago: Masters of Spinjitsu to this list, please.

Paw patrol is fecking terrible. Just awful. Thomas and Friends is like a masterclass in storytelling in comparison

It’s amazingly terrible but I’m really jealous I didn’t come up with it. Like half of every episode is just a montage of them getting into their vehicles.

Thankfully my kid isn’t that into it other than when he’s sick and has already watched Moana, Dino Dana, and Peg + Cat all of which are orders of magnitude better.

We’re in a Sarah and Duck/Puffin Rock phase, which are about the chillest cartoons ever.

we've pretty definitely jumped out of this thread - they're all about match of the day and effing top gear now

Hey Dugee is very enjoyable, i am discovering.

Hey Dugee is the best thing on the BBC at the moment

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K05N2jqFHc8

This is the only clip I can find of their Apocalypse Now parody

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vN-FrziBbWU

That Apocalypse Now bit felt like a present just for me

Aaaahk! My daughter has for some reason become obsessed with watching these interminable unboxing/reviewe videos where over-excited middle-aged American women with irritating voices and vocabularies consisting of only 14 words other than "soooo cuuuute!" open up endless blind-bagged collectible toys. I am going insane.

My daughter is deep into a Pokemon obsession right now and while I guess the show isn't the worst, she always wants to have imaginary pokemon battles with me and I can never remember any of their names our their powers. She spent three straight hours last night skipping around the house and babbling about various Pokemon and their attacks and evolutions. I'm proud of her for memorizing all these facts and I want to participate in her obsession in some way but my brain just shuts down at anything beyond Bulbasaur, pretty much.

I would welcome Pokémon at this time. RN my son got into watching Beyblade (a show which makes exactly zero sense) and that led him to Yo-Kai Watch.

Occasionally, though he comes up for air and rediscovers some shows I kinda liked when my daughter was little (10 years back). The music in Wonder Pets, Backyardigans, and Bubble Guppies is pretty decent.

Man, I miss Nick Jr. All I see now is "Hey guys, what is up. Today we're going to learn how to glitch out of the police station in Murder Mystery 2...."

Beyblade doesn't look like something I'll have to worry about but this Yo-Kai Watch thing seems to have a ton of cute animals, which is right up her alley. I am very afraid.

I miss Wonder Pets and Backyardigans.

Wonder Pets featured some of the most negligent parents in the world though. </judging>

Yeah, what the fuck, mama kangaroo? YOU EVEN HAVE A HANDY POUCH TO KEEP YOUR YOUNG IN.

But the "...Save the Beetles" ep was choice.

I like the Boinga song from Backyardigans' "Mission to Mars." Bubble Guppies brought some clever lyric writing (like the internal rhymes in "all of the bones that everyone owns / underneath the skin they're in").

Is this 'baby shark' song an actual thing or just something my son has picked up from somewhere?

this one?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GR2o6k8aPlI

this is the one I know and am doomed to have in my head forever:
http://youtu.be/XqZsoesa55w

I'm not actually sure which version he was trying to tell me about ...

1.3 BILLION views

jesus christ

they teach it in day care. its got its own coordinated hand movements and everything

I saw the vid sleeve posted, thought "ahh that's where it comes from". later came to realize that every cheapo kiddie animation factory does this song. so who knows.

we spent some time in Mexico and found out that they do this stuff way better than us

there are a lot of really catchy ones. and not in the same way as "Baby Shark, doo doo doo doo". plus the videos are actually kind of funny. these two crack me up

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_c-HVfe4VM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AGFOXpgsw1M

My 8yo son mentioned last night about some terrible catchy song kids in his class were singing and asked me to look it up so I found it, or a version of it, on YouTube. It is indeed a terrible catchy song with ok animation but then 55 seconds in a cartoon boy pops up with a handgun, wearing a tshirt that says "Jerk":

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-xWhG4UU_Y

wtf is that all about? Have I stumbled across one of those sinister kids youtube channels that people were talking about a few months ago?

pic.twitter.com/knHwe2dIPt

— webding (@WINDuckyQuaCKer) June 2, 2020

My kids are now big into Peppa Pig and....I have to say it’s actually pretty funny. It’s made me laugh out loud several times. Kinda reminds me of The Fuccons.

Bluey is good for similar reasons

i will swear to Bluey being one of the best shows on television on every thread if i can

Peppa Pig is fine, when we lived in China I had a couple of DVDs of UK kids TV for my son to watch, mostly downloaded from UKNova, including a single episode of Peppa Pig where the family go to a theme park called Potato City based around a character called Mr Potato, and there is a section with dinosaurs for no reason. We must have watched this episode 20 times and imagined this was a surreal flight of fancy, however last year I found out that this is a real place, with a slightly different name.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tayto_Park

Peppa Pig is decent but Ben & Holly is even better. Not watched either for a long time now. (They grow up so fast etc...)

Massive Archibald phase in our family right now. It is quite funny. Also saw We Bare Bears for the first time last week and us grown-ups had actual lols.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DtmnO9-GD3M

some of these crack me up

we had a big peppa pig phase like a year and half ago to the point that my kid started saying some words with a british accent and was saying 'petrol' and 'ready steady go' instead of the american equivalents

My daughter has been a Wild Kratts super fan for like 2 years and will drop words like 'subnivean zone' into casual conversation

lol my son used this phrase like a week ago while watching a video of a fox hunting for mice under the snow. he loves wild kratts now and will store up what we call KRATT FACTS that get dumped on you frequently, often right after hearing it on the show (which I can also hear cause I'm in the other room).

my kids have recently gotten into a new show called Wolfoo. it is basically an evil version of Peppa Pig. I don't really know how else to describe it. the look is so similar, but it sucks. it's incredibly loud, stuffed stupid with sound effects, and the voice actors sound like they've never spoken a word of English in their lives. characters will randomly repeat the same phrase over and over again. it also steals a bunch of IP in ways that are kind of jarring to see in another show. like there will just be Spongebobs laying around. it also plays part of the Spongebob theme song at random intervals?? it's so weird. it also seems really bad for them...characters are constantly crying and getting hurt and a bunch of episodes seem to be about one character getting fat. it's really creepy!

on the plus side, they did recently discover a show called Bluey, which is really charming and good. it is maybe the first kid's show I've ever seen that accurately depicts how kids actually play with each other. plus the soundtrack sounds like Penguin Cafe Orchestra!! show damn near made me cry at one point. its really cute.

oh, I see Bluey was mentioned upthread

also here: Bluey - Spectacular Australian kids cartoon (in the US on Disney +)

Grebt children’s programming: Schoolhouse Rock, which had a birthday/anniversary yesterday, I think.

First air date: Jan 6, 1973.

A whole thread with no mention of the fever-dream horror of BOOHBAH?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=myhMnljOC10

In my former jobless life I used to see bit of this sometimes and it almost felt like some kind psychedelic mind-control programming. Truly unsettling

that at least looks like it might be fun while extremely high

Back in the 90s yr artsy types liked to get high and binge-watch Teletubbies

Wolof seems to be just a YouTube thing? Definitely a candidate for the Kideodrome thread from a couple years back.

Wolfoo lol

there's a lot of copyright infringement going on