Kids say the darndest things

"Earth is my favorite planet because that's where my friends live"

Been super into dinosaurs lately and last week he came home from preschool having learned that “poop” is the funniest word ever. So now I’m constantly hearing “poopasaurus is the stinkiest dinosaur ever!”

Does he know that the word for fossilized dino poop is "coprolite"? Because I know that now, all because of children.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CPUEX0quyh0

"Be Faithful" by Fatman Scoop was playing on the radio while I was getting ready this morning; after I left the bathroom, D followed me to my bedroom and jumped up and down on the bed while rapping the Black Sheep quote as I got dressed.

omg <3

I've been saving these up. From my 6-year-old son.

"I wanna pack" "what do you want to pack?" "No! I want a pack of wolves! I want fifteen wolves!"

"Why is Easter on a different day every year?" "It's on a different calendar, it's on the lunar calendar." "I haven't got a lunar calendar, I've got a Dangermouse calendar"

(talking about his (American) teacher telling him bread in the USA is sweeter) "Is Texas America's sweet tooth?"

"I wanna pack" "what do you want to pack?" "No! I want a pack of wolves! I want fifteen wolves!"

lol. He and my daughter should have an international playdate.

Ella (4yo): You're nefarious!
Me: Do you know what nefarious means?
Ella: It's a cheese.

ha!

*nods*

massive lols at that

Just to add to the list of frightening crap kids say, over the weekend my 4 year old told me out of nowhere that "someday the sun is gonna burn up the earth."

― how's life, Monday, January 26, 2015 7:34 PM (two years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

We were watching Hunt for the Wilderpeople last night. At some point, the main character says reads a poem that ends with the line "live forever." My girl says something like "Live forever... Does he mean he'll live until the sun explodes and takes the earth with it? Where will we scatter the earth's ashes - the moon?"

thinkin ahead!

That's one of those questions where the response is"what do you think?"

(a good 50% of my interactions with children involve answering with a question: why do you think that? etc.)

i love all of your kids and their darnedest things but how's life's kid is one i respect the most

At bedtime, the eight-year-old boy starts talking about how these kids at school keep roasting him.

"Roasting you? What, like doing snaps on your mother?"

"Snaps on my mother?" he says. "I don't even know what that means."

"What do you mean by 'roasting' then?"

He then goes on this tear on me, "You know I'm not talking about cooking, right? People at school aren't putting me in an oven, OK? Do you see this?" - in other words, he starts roasting me about roasting.

"OK! THEN WHAT ARE THEY ROASTING YOU ABOUT?"

"My hairline."

I have one of those moments where I realize I've comprehended nothing in the past 15 minutes (again). "Your hairline? What hairline?"

I hate doing this in the middle of this informative conversations, but I take out the iPhone and Google "roasting hairline jokes" like the 44-year-old white dad I am. A huge list of sites pop up, along with about two dozen LeBron James memes, all about his polar hairline.

I look up at the boy, who has hair nothing like LeBron James. "What about your hairline do they roast you about?"

He points to the side of his head, the one place where his hair is cut and trimmed perfectly to match the contour of his ear. "My hairline, dude!"

I don't know what to say except that in a way, I'm glad he's being included.

my 8-y-o son would have, at least three or four times during that conversation, rolled his eyes and made a massive sigh like i was literally the dumbest person alive

I don't WANT the clock to go CLOCKWIIIIIISE!

O_o

The other day Ella bounced into the room and said, apropos of nothing, "Dad, you know how you love pygmies?"

Dex is watching that new animated Godzilla movie. Hes hyped up waiting for the big G to finally appear on screen and when he does, I hear "oh daddy daddy GODZILLA !!! OH FUCK!!"

erm haha.

lol!!

lots of penis talk from my 3 year old these days:

"I'm a girl now. I don't have a penis. I lost my penis. I left my penis in the car."

this happens all the time. it's detachable.

lol

Son & daughter burst into the kitchen, all dressed up.
Son: "She's the flower ninja! And I am her SKELETON!"

video game reference?

this morning my 2 year old was singing a made-up song that just repeated the lyrics "I want milk. I want a knife"

xp - No, they don't play videogames. I have no idea where that came from.

OMG! LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!

My nephew, during a Catholic mass, at an otherwise silent moment as the priest held the consecrated host aloft: "Eat it Father, eat it!"

― early rejecter, Tuesday, July 21, 2015 3:40 PM (two years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Nora’s taken to adding the following management-esque phrase to the end of requests: “can you do that for me please”.

Can you sit next to the bath so I can splash you? Can you do that for me please?

Can you get up at 5am and make me breakfast? Can you do that for me please?

Hahaha at least she isnt saying "please do the needful" :D

lol trayce mr veg still uses that from his Intel days

Haha its apparently something in Indian english thats bled into the IT workplace, I see it said a lot!

haaaa I never knew that was a thing but mr kinder who works with India hears it all the time

Yes, I hear it from Indian colleagues and I find it charming, though I don't say so. They're just speaking idiomatically, and pointing out its quaintness would probably just make them feel self-conscious with no good reason.

But I did remark to a friend of mine that it kinda makes me want to send out email that ends "govern yourselves accordingly."

My friend countered with the excellent "herewith fail not at your peril."

"I will take measures which will astound you.

Yours, etc"

"knock knock!!"

"who's there"

"headface!!!!!!"

"headface who?"

"headface ON YOUR FACE!!!!!!!!"

I heard my daughter talking to her tablet this morning - "How do you spell heroine?" At least I assumed she was asking it how to spell heroine, rather than heroin.

Out of curiosity I poked my head into her room and asked if she still needed spelling help, and she said, "You know, heroine. The bird."

https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/41pBq5PREXL.jpg

HMB: They were showing "Space Buddy" in my class about launching the car into space, but what I don't understand is why they did that when they said they can't bring it back now.

ME: *blank look*

ME: Ohhh, yeah, the SpaceX thing? Cool how they had the guy set up in there, driving the car? The reason they did that is ––– what?

HMB: *blank look*

HMB: It wasn't a guy. It was a mannequin.

My 3 yo has been on a Johnny Cash kick, but he usually sings sped-up versions of the songs. But last night he started gently strumming his guitar and singing a slowcore version of "I've Been Everywhere Man" stopping in the middle to say, "This is the slow Everywhere Man. The fast one is in the trash. It's not in my mouth anymore."

:o

I heard Pres. K's kid shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die

ha luckily when he sings that line it comes out something like "I salmon in Weeno, just to rah rah rah"

I ate salmon in Reno, because I want to die.

lols at heroine the bird. this thread is the best. thank you all for sharing.

The other night:

K: I don't want you to go out!
Me: But it's important for mommies and daddies to go out and to love each other.
K: Why?
Me: Well, actually you exist because of that. If we didn't have a chance to have time together, you wouldn't be here.

A couple days later:

K: I'm scared that you will stop loving each other!
Me: Why?
K: Because if you do, I won't exist.

;_;

omg ;_;