star wars prequels: most embarrassing and hacky attempt at fan-service and plot resolution

Just reread the list, is it better to poll the isolated snippets of the prequels which *weren't* embarrassing and hacky attempts at fan-service and plot resolution?

https://fsmedia.imgix.net/00/53/34/fa/fb49/441e/a1ef/17db16f152f2/jar-jar-tongue-candypng.png?auto=format%2Ccompress&w=700

Imagine how the prequels could have been redeemed if they'd had the cojones to stick with the Jar-Jar-is-Sith plotline from Ep 1. Phantom Menace indeed.

Mr. K, I like your ideas. The long pole in this tent seems to be: can we rely on friendly neighborhood Doctor Casino to curate the isolated snippets of the prequels which were not embarrassing, hacky attempts at fan-service and plot resolution?

I wouldn't wish that fishing expedition on my worst enemy

s/fishing expedition/dumpster dive/

really wish this hadn't been totally overhyped as 'BEST STAR WARS MOVIE EVER!' but definitely not terrible

(Wrong thread)

i enjoyed the American Graffiti diner fan service

well not really

(d'oh! that's what i get for going to see a midnight showing then posting pre-coffee)

if lucas still owned these and were issuing a "clones" special edition i have to assume diner scene would be "enhanced" with CGI Young Harrison zooming by the diner in a souped-up space car, cowboy hat and all.

unwinding at a hotel and "clones" is on TNT. uglier even than i remembered. with regard to this poll: sad to have missed obi-wan and anakin's terrible "why do i get the feeling you're going to be the death of me?" repartee. also the entire business of them going into a colorful bar together. barf.

lollll these digital sets. i feel like i'm in a screensaver. or a terrible rendering of the new lobby interior that will be coming soon - pardon the inconvenience while we the jedi council work to better serve you!

there's an exterior shot of padme's apartment, right before the scene where she's packing her Target luggage set and anakin is bitching unprompted at length about obi-wan and then he's being all creepy.... ugh but anyway this exterior could be the worst-looking shot i've ever seen in a movie. it's totally static and there's not the usual array of flying crap so there is NO reason this could not have been done with a miniature and/or matte painting... i can't find a shot of it online but it's soooooooooo bad.

oh boy now we're at Dex's Diner

with the alien buttcrack and the Brooklyn accent

i gave my friend a VHS box set of the untouched original trilogy in the '90s. I wonder if the tapes still play.

― ice cream social justice (Dr Morbius), Thursday, December 14, 2017 2:36 PM (two days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i bought the pre-SE VHS box at a thrift store this year for $2.99. still plays fine. maybe a little VHS distortion here and there but this is late 70s/early 80s pulp sci fi if anything that only makes it cooler.

my $3 widescreen VHS box set is one of my best thrift scores ever, viewing-pleasure-wise.

my friend still has the laserdiscs. and a laserdisc machien to play them on

tried to watch ROTS last night. I was so far removed from the OG movies when I originally saw the preeks (can I call them that?) in the theatre, so it didn't affect me at the time, but after getting three modern SW movies which had more faithful design, I couldn't get over how ugly everything is. It feels like watching a screensaver at times.

around the time where Anakin kills Dooku then rues "I shouldn't have done that" with a delivery one would use if he woke up naked in bed after coitus with Palpatine...and I had to flip it off.....

yeah that's why I can't take any of the "oh well ROTS actually isn't that bad" talk (let alone any of the really crazy "it's actually good" talk)

it's just so ugly to look at

i love it but i wouldn’t try to convince anyone lol

I loved them all when i first saw them lol

that’s weird, i hated attack of the clones when i was a teenager but loved it when i revisited it last month (it’s bonkers space noir that takes place in completely artificial environments, idk, i adore it)

i’ve always enjoyed phantom menace though

AotC is my favorite of the 3 prequels.

seriously though a whole fuckin galaxy to play around in and lucas writes it so that uncle owen, at the start of star wars, buys *the exact droid his father acquired as a bundled add-on when he purchased darth vader's mother as a slave*

it’s like poetry it rhymes

The fight between Jango Fett & Obi Wan on the water planet is surprisingly well staged.

There’s some cool imagery and design in AOTC.

Rewatched the Phantom Menace after watching the original trilogy recently and it’s kind of amazing how miscalculated so much of it is. Jar Jar looks about as real as the General from those car insurance commercials.

it’s my least favorite of the prequels (not by much) but, as pretty much anyone who’s come to its defense has said, the pod racing sequence is still incredible

i guess it's been a long time (and happy for it to stay that way) but i don't remember the pod racing being any less cringeworthy than any other scene featuring copious jake lloyd.

the fight with darth maul is pretty great, right up until he decides to just stand and let obi-wan cut him down in the slowest and most obviousy telegraphed move.

can just imagine the argument with Lucas and the fight choreographer

"This fight, it seems to be going on a while."
"I know, right? Do you like the choreography? We worked several hours yest--"
"It's kind of taking away from my movie."
"George, if there's something..."
"That's Mr Lucas to you..."
"I'm sorry, Mr Lucas, if there's anything you don't li--"
"I just...why can't they just parry a few times and then one of them gets his arm cut off and falls down a hole, like we used to do?"
"With due respect sir, there's been next to no action in this movie, so I was thinking maybe..."
"People don't want to see a 20 minute light saber battle! They're here for the mystery, the political intrigue!"
"But Mr Lucas..."
"Find a way to end the fight sooner. Also when Maul dies I want him cut in two..."
"Wait wha--"
"I want to show the audience how the dark side tears people apart"
"...You know what, you fuckin finish blocking the thing. I'm out"

*remains in deck chair holding coffee*

i don't remember the pod racing being any less cringeworthy than any other scene featuring copious jake lloyd.

That's probably his best scene, because he doesn't speak in it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uBlhgAkJBos&

poor Jake Lloyd, that role kinda ruined his life

now this is pod racing!

only kind I remember from the movie, really

This is (in?)TENSE

"are you an angel?" NEVER FORGET

I hate the pod racing sequence because it's just the furthest plot digression from a flimsy plot that can't bear such a strain. It's so completely unearned that it may as well be watching strangers play a video game.

I always assumed the pod racing was in there to justify Obi-Wan's "your father was already a great pilot when I met him" line in the original movie

And for the video game potential obv

I like the pod race, at least in theory, and I think it's there as a futuristic chariot race to connect to sword & sandal / fall of Roman Republic themes. Same reason AotC ends in the arena with people getting sacrificed to wild beasts / gladiatorial battle.

I hate the pod racing sequence because it's just the furthest plot digression from a flimsy plot that can't bear such a strain

come on, it’s spectacle

I just don't care for action sequences in general

It's supposed to establish how Anakin has unique special abilities most others don't, but they were able to do that by just mentioning it. Overall, it never occurred to me that the pod racing was a pointless sequence because the movie overall is so stupid it doesn't necessarily stand out as a particularly dumb detour.

it’s there to answer the question “what is pod racing, anyway?”

Watching Phantom Menace for the first time since it was in theatres and i am bored out of my fucking gourd

thread could use a liveblog tbqh

Let's clap go clap

all the complaints about the humor in the new one got me thinking -- were there ANY jokes in any of the prequels? i remember them being suffocatingly humorless and dull.

jar-jar was intended to be funny and there are other horrible physical/slapstick/baby jokes. the tertiary pod racers and the two-headed commentator are the kind of thing that would be funny in a good movie. there are also dreadful imitations of dry "banter," mostly between obi-wan and anakin in AOTC. the romance is unintentionally hilarious.