star wars prequels: most embarrassing and hacky attempt at fan-service and plot resolution

"are you an angel?" NEVER FORGET

I hate the pod racing sequence because it's just the furthest plot digression from a flimsy plot that can't bear such a strain. It's so completely unearned that it may as well be watching strangers play a video game.

I always assumed the pod racing was in there to justify Obi-Wan's "your father was already a great pilot when I met him" line in the original movie

And for the video game potential obv

I like the pod race, at least in theory, and I think it's there as a futuristic chariot race to connect to sword & sandal / fall of Roman Republic themes. Same reason AotC ends in the arena with people getting sacrificed to wild beasts / gladiatorial battle.

I hate the pod racing sequence because it's just the furthest plot digression from a flimsy plot that can't bear such a strain

come on, it’s spectacle

I just don't care for action sequences in general

It's supposed to establish how Anakin has unique special abilities most others don't, but they were able to do that by just mentioning it. Overall, it never occurred to me that the pod racing was a pointless sequence because the movie overall is so stupid it doesn't necessarily stand out as a particularly dumb detour.

it’s there to answer the question “what is pod racing, anyway?”

Watching Phantom Menace for the first time since it was in theatres and i am bored out of my fucking gourd

thread could use a liveblog tbqh

Let's clap go clap

all the complaints about the humor in the new one got me thinking -- were there ANY jokes in any of the prequels? i remember them being suffocatingly humorless and dull.

jar-jar was intended to be funny and there are other horrible physical/slapstick/baby jokes. the tertiary pod racers and the two-headed commentator are the kind of thing that would be funny in a good movie. there are also dreadful imitations of dry "banter," mostly between obi-wan and anakin in AOTC. the romance is unintentionally hilarious.

my 20-year-old cousin told me over christmas that she didn't like the new star wars films "as much as the original six," and i swear my instant reaction was "wait, six? there weren't six...oh, right."

Phantom woulda been better with 2 hours of Darth Maul just doming people with his light saber.

most badass dude in the movie and he gets short shrift

I didn't finish the movie (but I bought these motherfuckers as part of the Complete Saga Blu-Ray set so I'll finish it one day)

There's some lousy slapstick with C3PO in the droid factory in II, and in fact I suspect we're supposed to find the regular droid army funny every time that they say "roger roger" as well as being a terrifying threat (which might have been an interesting collapse of dichotomy to explore but oh well)

The droid factory scene reminds me of a level of Mario Bros.

slightly better graphics tho

...in mario bros.

Tru

I did enjoy Padme having a decoy there to take bullets for her

"Phantom woulda been better with 2 hours of Darth Maul just doming people with his light saber.

most badass dude in the movie and he gets short shrift"

I said elsewhere but the prequels are evidence the lucas has no clue what is cool about his own shit.

the thing I'm surprised about - Darth Sidious is only referenced in the prequels obviously cos the concept of Darth being a title for Sith wasn't really in the OG trilogy, so despite him going by Darth Sidious and being a Sith Lord, everybody just calls him the Emperor in the OG movies.

I would have expected Lucas being Lucas to go into each moment the word Emperor is uttered and dubbed his voice saying "DARTH SIDIOUS" over it.

ok watching Attack of the Clones now....

lol yeah. also would have been a great chance to further glitch up yoda's dialogue to better match the prequels. "estimate under, Sidious Darth not do; or suffer must you, fate of your father."

oh cool more screensaver looking spaceships. what is this, Wing Commander 3

"I guess there's no danger at all" - terrorist attack right on cue

Jar Jar sighting!

oh man that sad rose byrne scene

yay Jimmy Smits!

christ Anakin's already horny af and he hasn't even left the elevator

"she hardly even recognized me Jar-Jar"...he says after she smiles and says "ANI??!!!" moments after seeing him

"I can sense what's going on in that room...trust me"

"I'm much rather dream about Padme. I'd rather dream about Padme...just being around her again, is intoxicating."

Christ this is skeeving me out more than it did the first time.

yeah i'd forgotten how MUCH there was of that stuff until my recent viewing.

lol Obi-Wan leaps out the window!

this is still more entertaining than Phantom was by this point...

good god how the fuck do traffic partners work in the sky in this city

*patterns

this space car chase is pretty fun! other than the dialogue

tbf this is a problem in all flying-car movies - blade runner and fifth element for example.

my feeling with this movie is that the 'mystery' plot with obi-wan (to which i'd assign the opening chase etc.), despite turning into a complete fizzle, does the best job of creating the illusion of a real plot and a real movie, with something unfolding and stakes to the action and dialogue. anyway it was what i most latched onto when seeing it in the theater, and compared to the anakin/padme stuff or the later droid factory antics, it's shakespeare.

is this the first vehicular speeder wreck in STar Wars history?

do the police have to come to the scene? are there insurance claims?

"why do I have the feeling you're going to be the death of me?"

Laurel and Hardy territory

"Jedi business, go back to your drinks..."

ahh Yoda being matchmaker...

prequel buns

(hair, I mean)

"your life is in danger, Padme, so I will spend 5 minutes talking about my plight"

the "sand" speech gets all the attention but anakin in the bar/interrogation scene reveals just as much about what's wrong with christensen's performance and lucas's direction. just laughable; it feels like teenagers in a homemade movie. also lol at how nobody remembers their jedi mind control powers when they're desperately trying to extract information from their one lead.

"Please don't look at me like that. It makes me feel uncomfortable."

so fucking lecherous, I need an oil bath

xpost haha yeah I didn't even think about that (the mind control non-usage)

why the fuck would a Jedi Master place a Senator in the care of a horny teenager who has made skeevy comments about her in the presence of Obi-Wan. jeezus.