star wars prequels: most embarrassing and hacky attempt at fan-service and plot resolution

slightly better graphics tho

...in mario bros.

Tru

I did enjoy Padme having a decoy there to take bullets for her

"Phantom woulda been better with 2 hours of Darth Maul just doming people with his light saber.

most badass dude in the movie and he gets short shrift"

I said elsewhere but the prequels are evidence the lucas has no clue what is cool about his own shit.

the thing I'm surprised about - Darth Sidious is only referenced in the prequels obviously cos the concept of Darth being a title for Sith wasn't really in the OG trilogy, so despite him going by Darth Sidious and being a Sith Lord, everybody just calls him the Emperor in the OG movies.

I would have expected Lucas being Lucas to go into each moment the word Emperor is uttered and dubbed his voice saying "DARTH SIDIOUS" over it.

ok watching Attack of the Clones now....

lol yeah. also would have been a great chance to further glitch up yoda's dialogue to better match the prequels. "estimate under, Sidious Darth not do; or suffer must you, fate of your father."

oh cool more screensaver looking spaceships. what is this, Wing Commander 3

"I guess there's no danger at all" - terrorist attack right on cue

Jar Jar sighting!

oh man that sad rose byrne scene

yay Jimmy Smits!

christ Anakin's already horny af and he hasn't even left the elevator

"she hardly even recognized me Jar-Jar"...he says after she smiles and says "ANI??!!!" moments after seeing him

"I can sense what's going on in that room...trust me"

"I'm much rather dream about Padme. I'd rather dream about Padme...just being around her again, is intoxicating."

Christ this is skeeving me out more than it did the first time.

yeah i'd forgotten how MUCH there was of that stuff until my recent viewing.

lol Obi-Wan leaps out the window!

this is still more entertaining than Phantom was by this point...

good god how the fuck do traffic partners work in the sky in this city

*patterns

this space car chase is pretty fun! other than the dialogue

tbf this is a problem in all flying-car movies - blade runner and fifth element for example.

my feeling with this movie is that the 'mystery' plot with obi-wan (to which i'd assign the opening chase etc.), despite turning into a complete fizzle, does the best job of creating the illusion of a real plot and a real movie, with something unfolding and stakes to the action and dialogue. anyway it was what i most latched onto when seeing it in the theater, and compared to the anakin/padme stuff or the later droid factory antics, it's shakespeare.

is this the first vehicular speeder wreck in STar Wars history?

do the police have to come to the scene? are there insurance claims?

"why do I have the feeling you're going to be the death of me?"

Laurel and Hardy territory

"Jedi business, go back to your drinks..."

ahh Yoda being matchmaker...

prequel buns

(hair, I mean)

"your life is in danger, Padme, so I will spend 5 minutes talking about my plight"

the "sand" speech gets all the attention but anakin in the bar/interrogation scene reveals just as much about what's wrong with christensen's performance and lucas's direction. just laughable; it feels like teenagers in a homemade movie. also lol at how nobody remembers their jedi mind control powers when they're desperately trying to extract information from their one lead.

"Please don't look at me like that. It makes me feel uncomfortable."

so fucking lecherous, I need an oil bath

xpost haha yeah I didn't even think about that (the mind control non-usage)

why the fuck would a Jedi Master place a Senator in the care of a horny teenager who has made skeevy comments about her in the presence of Obi-Wan. jeezus.

a dick joke in the SW universe, lovely

in general all three of these films hinge on the jedi making incredibly stupid decisions especially with regard to assigning officers to cases. they seem to have hundreds of agents running around doing random shit all the time; at the start of this movie obi-wan's just getting back from settling a peace negotiation or something. maybe put like five or six of these people on a special squad to figure out who the mysterious sith lord was from the first movie? or once obi-wan finds out kamino's been erased from the archives, organize a think tank to figure out who did that?

these seem like small quibbles maybe but it's like, if you want me to accept that the characters are smart, maybe don't spend a ton of time establishing that there are really huge, serious mysteries and suspicious intrigues going on and then show them doing nothing at all about any of them. but anyway you basically have to accept the jedi organization being totally incompetent as an intentional premise; kudos i guess to rian johnson for having this actually be stated explicitly in TLJ.

there's a Sith Lord Senator in the room with them many times and they don't sense it, yet Kenobi gets faint in ANH when everybody on Alderaan is killed, light years away.....

"please, sit in this toilet"

Sifo-Dyas!

Stormtroopers!

Jesus Christ find a real waterfall, George, CGI waterfalls come the fuck on

You're at the scene where Anakin flirtatiously mentions his alt-right sympathies?

ugh yes.

"they should be MADE to..."

"it's time to inform the Senate that our ability to use the Force is diminished".....wtf? why? because two Sith lords show up? there are like 1000 of you

but anyway you basically have to accept the jedi organization being totally incompetent as an intentional premise; kudos i guess to rian johnson for having this actually be stated explicitly in TLJ.

yeah, RJ took the canon as presented and made some interesting outsider observations that GL never would have been able to

the thing is nothing in these films feels intentional or under control, lucas is just doing stuff. if the idea is that the jedi have lost the true path of the force, why not throw in one of them who says as much? this would have been a good role for yoda tbh - not the president of the jedi convention association but a monkish guy off to the side who keeps saying stuff in the "wars not make one great" tradition, pooh-poohing all this focus on lightsabers and combat training. then when the galaxy gets undone by a super-violent killer jedi they created you might have something. but actually the jedi get undone because they get snookered by the clone army and "order 66."

back on Tatooine, half expecting Anakin to say "my name is Anakin Skywalker...and this is for YOU" while cutting his former slavemaster with a saber

Shmi was sold to Luke's uncle. of course she was...

wait n/m he said lars

lol Obi-Wan fakes an explosion, v deft

JOEL EDGERTON!