star wars prequels: most embarrassing and hacky attempt at fan-service and plot resolution

Revenge of Sith time.

This at least has the cool Order 66 massacre

Random shit I remember:

-the film stopped 4 times when i saw it opening night

-i was still living w my parents

-this is the only preq i had seen multiple times prior to today

Battle droids are comically ineffective

An important question answered:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qk1wx5h-P_8

ANAKIN NIPS

pro-wordless gazing through windows on coruscant

Omg Obi-Wan riding the iguana-looking thing

Kinda enjoyed this for all its clunkiness and bad acting! Idk i just enjoy movies where everybody dies i guess

it'd be better if they died faster though, or died better, or if there was just more death and less "general grievous."

Boba Fett and the Stormtroopers are all clones of a random bounty hunter who is Obi-Wan's antagonist in AOTC

i mean--i'm sorry--look this is the worst because it's also so fucking lazy, it's a way to quickly deal with the rise to power and the creation of an army. why bother with anything interesting like the emperor being a charismatic leader who riles people up and manages to get a volunteer army of disconnects and sociopaths and psychopaths (it would be obvious but yes like any fascist state in history!) let's completely avoid all that and just make them Clones, sure. when Lucas came up with the phrase "Clone Wars" i'm sure it sounded amazing but god it should have been left to this vague mention in the dusty history books. i suspect he made it this was for the kiddos, clone stormtroopers is more palatable than regular folks worked up into a lather by a demagogue.

except he thinks he's making a profound bush-era political allegory! which may be the saddest aspect of all.

well, the Emperor did woo enough non-clone zealots to fill the Imperial ranks.

except he thinks he's making a profound bush-era political allegory! which may be the saddest aspect of all.

the "Sith and Jedi are really not that different, maaaaan" angle means that Michael Mann shoulda gotten one of the sequel films

oh oops you're right - it's ROTS that has the ham-handed "so this is how democracy dies" stuff

from my point of view the jedi are evil

I mean at least the Sith recruitment process involves consent

except in the case of Darth Maul

I get the impression though that Sidious was kind of a 'bad' Sith for many reasons (including setting up his apprentice to be killed without giving him the opportunity to kill his master by defeating him in battle as is the usual)

The endentured clones make total sense as the oarsmen and spear carriers serving an officer class of entitled elites, it’s how thalassocracies such as the Empire have filled their ranks throughout history; it’s also a decently ironic foil against the Jedi who basically just kidnap extremely young children and indoctrinate them into a life of compulsive martial bureaucratic service.

― El Tomboto, 31. december 2017 07:33 (nine hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Yeah, this is kinda good, but the prequels didn't do a lot with it. Make the Clones a part of the Republic as well, have the Separatists be a Clone uprising, go full Spartacus with it.

idk assuming the clones are the proles of the republic era it would be cool if the jedis were on their side, and they lose and that's the rise of the empire. i guess. tbh it had never once occurred to me before the prequels that "the clone wars" had anything directly to do with the rise of the empire - just some preceding conflict that was a big deal that everyone's heard of and the jedi fought in them. basically once you decide to do prequels you're stuck doing clone wars though since it'd be weird to start AFTER a war that obi-wan and anakin fought alongside in. as it is, of course, the prequels barely show them fighting together in the clone wars at all. so whatever.

I'm reading the Empire comics now (Legends), even though it's no longer canon, fun little look into post-Order 66, fledgling Empire.

also the Darth Maul Sons of Dathomir, while not really essential or anything, shows his post-resurrection life (around Clone Wars time)

The Clone Wars happening between eps 1 and 2 might have been the way to go - or maybe set ep 2 at the tail end of them, perhaps Palpatine is taking advantage of the turmoil to plant the seeds of the Empire.

INT. DAY - JEDI TEMPLE CORRIDOR

OBI-WAN KENOBI and ANAKIN SKYWALKER enter from screen left. They are both wearing their Jedi robes and look haggard and disheveled.

ANAKIN:

Boy, those were some Clone Wars, weren't they, master?

OBI-WAN:

They certainly were, my young Padawan.

followed by OBI-TWO and OBI-THREE returning to their home planet

I believe you mean 'Oobi-Waan' and 'Ooobi-Waaan'.

(That may be among the most unforgivably-nerdy of the nerdy references I've dropped here.)

Oh-A-Wan and Oh-C-Wan

Old Ben Four

(If my 'joke' went over your head, please consult the Holocron entries for 'Luuke Skywalker' and 'Luuuke Skywalker'.)

Oh I got it instantly

:(

"Begun the Clone War has."

Does Yoda coin the name 'Clone War' in that moment? He sounds like he just knows that that's its name.

He should really check if everyone else is cool with calling it that.

If you listen closely at another point he says "Welcome back to episode 2 of Star Wars'"

I like the idea of all Clone Wars happening in between episodes.

"We must go now, my young Padawan. The clones are at it again."

Is Lucas responsible for 'youngling'? Because I swear I never encountered that abominable combination of phonemes before the prequels, but I've been encountering it with increasing frequency in non-SW works, and it just needs to stop.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nffOJXcJCDg

SOED records it (of plants) in 1559

He was drunk when he came up with it

https://dydza6t6xitx6.cloudfront.net/ci_yuengling_lager_6f82d7ee4e6dba1a.png

feel like i might have seen "youngling" in Kipling or similar

lol, inevitably william morris -- the king of bogus olde english -- uses it in his fantasies

(kipling apparently once in faintly biblical a poem; tolkien not at all that i can find, commentators on tolkien a LOT; it's in the wycliff bible but not the KJ)

And yet, in AOTC Yoda says, "How truly wonderful is the mind of a child" rather than "a youngling" FFS LUCAS COME ON.

At least have someone ask 'what the fuck is a child?'

In keeping with the frankly shocking number of casual f-bombs Lucas sprinkled throughout the prequels.

younglings in cantinas

^^^ Chingy's best hit

I think it would be cool if one of the aliens from ET that appeared in the prequels was named Yi Tee or Yi Tee Daeggstraderrestriel or Buddy Zimmerman.

he'd be a good teammate for Ahmed Best as Achk Med-Beq and Anthony Daniels as Dannl Faytonni.

the prequels should have literally just depicted the galaxy as this hipster hangout with sporting events, concerts, etc, and basically having war break out when clones realize they're fake people and start trying to kill their creators

The Seven Samurai Who Are Clones
Rashoclone
Clone of Blood

kylo ren = y r klone?