pot vs. Alzheimers

98% of the remaining contents of Dad's house needs to be trashed or given away; the problem will be digging out the other 2%

as his dementia came on, his old clutter-gathering habits gradually disappeared ... today I tried to give him a couple of pairs of pajamas my brother sent him for Christmas; he studied them dubiously and told me to take them if I had any use for them

^ Dad doesn’t seem to miss his collection of fancy sommelier knives at all! He’s into yardsticks now, apparently.

sometimes wish I could do that with my own stuff tbrr

Also, I spoke to my sis
“I’m not going to visit dad! I hate him”
“Dad is not the person you used to know, he’s basically an oversized three-year-old now”
“If he isn’t dad anymore, why would I visit him?”
A math student should have a better command of logic imo. Then again dad stopped beating me up when I was in third grade, whereas my sister has been body-shamed by him at every opportunity since puberty.

I definitely understand that ambiguity she's feeling

my grandfather didn't have alzheimers, just rapidly diminishing mental faculties to the extent he could carry on a conversation but wouldn't recognize my dad, and some family members felt that way. There's the added punch of the fact you still have those memories and feelings, and it's hard to have all of your being wrapped up in feeling on the defensive and adversarial in front of someone who doesn't have any memory of the past.

A math student should have a better command of logic imo.

what is the logic that says she should visit him?

Three-year-olds are adorable, is that not logical?

you don't have decades of negative experiences with a three year old!

even if he's no longer that person, he is that person to her

There's the added punch of the fact you still have those memories and feelings, and it's hard to have all of your being wrapped up in feeling on the defensive and adversarial in front of someone who doesn't have any memory of the past.

My sister has seen Dad maybe four or five times since he moved into memory care 18 months ago, which to be fair is probably about as often as she would have seen him if he were still in his right mind. I don't know if she's quite able to accept that the contrarian oppressor of our teenage years is no longer present.