US Politics January 2018: "You All Just Got A Lot Richer"

We need the Wall for the safety and security of our country. We need the Wall to help stop the massive inflow of drugs from Mexico, now rated the number one most dangerous country in the world. If there is no Wall, there is no Deal!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 18, 2018

this racist piece of shit! Mexico is nowhere near the most dangerous country, it's a straight up lie . FUCK i hate this person

Mexico is ranked 22nd on Global Peace Index's list of world's most dangerous countries for 2017. Top 10 perilous countries are Syria, Afghanistan, Iraq, South Sudan, Yemen, Somalia, Libya, Sudan, Central African Republic and Ukraine.

Can’t wait to book my next resort vacation in Syria

The FBI is investigating whether a top Russian banker with ties to the Kremlin illegally funneled money to the National Rifle Association to help Donald Trump win the presidency, two sources familiar with the matter have told McClatchy.

FBI counterintelligence investigators have focused on the activities of Alexander Torshin, the deputy governor of Russia’s central bank who is known for his close relationships with both Russian President Vladimir Putin and the NRA, the sources said.

It is illegal to use foreign money to influence federal elections.

It’s unclear how long the Torshin inquiry has been ongoing, but the news comes as Justice Department Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s sweeping investigation of Russian meddling in the 2016 election, including whether the Kremlin colluded with Trump’s campaign, has been heating up.

All of the sources spoke on condition of anonymity because Mueller’s investigation is confidential and mostly involves classified information.

A spokesman for Mueller’s office declined comment.

The Wall is the Wall, it has never changed or evolved from the first day I conceived of it. Parts will be, of necessity, see through and it was never intended to be built in areas where there is natural protection such as mountains, wastelands or tough rivers or water.....

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 18, 2018

uh oh, Kelly in the shithouse

xp Good thing no illegal border crossings happen near water. Or wastelands.

self-xp countdown to "John Kelly was only an intern who brought us some coffee that one time" in 3, 2, 1

I'm of the opinion that we should give Trump his wall. A big, beautiful, unbreachable wall, twenty feet high and built in a three foot circle around where he's currently standing.

uh oh, Kelly in the shithouse

i know, i know, it's really serious

8~)

The democrats should say ok “ok no wall unless it’s 100% see through” and see how that all shakes down.

"tough rivers or water"

does he mean tough water or any water, regardless of toughness

Trump upsets Republican strategy to avoid shutdown

President Trump blew up Republican strategies to keep the government open past Friday when on Thursday morning he said a long-term extension of the popular Children’s Health Insurance Program should not be part of a stopgap spending bill pending before the House.

Donald J. Trump
@realDonaldTrump
CHIP should be part of a long term solution, not a 30 Day, or short term, extension!
8:37 AM - Jan 18, 2018

With a possible government shutdown looming this weekend, the House had planned to vote late Thursday on a stopgap spending bill that would keep government funding flowing to Feb. 16 as delicate negotiations continue to protect young, undocumented immigrants brought illegally as children from deportation.

Republican leaders have spent the week pressuring Democrats to vote for the spending bill, arguing that opposing it would effectively block a six-year extension of the children’s health program, attached to the spending bill as a sweetener for lawmakers in both parties.

Speaker Paul D. Ryan of Wisconsin said on Wednesday that it would be “unconscionable” for Democrats to oppose funding for the Children’s Health Insurance Program with a “no” vote on the short-term spending bill.

But Mr. Trump’s tweet appeared to give Democrats a ready excuse to oppose the measure: the president wants the health program severed from the spending bill.

LOL bizarro xpost

I'm amazed by the complexity of his negotiating tactics, just marvelous.

wow

I guess that's... good news?

tough rivers or water

As we all know, illegal immigrants can't cross water, which is why they're called "drybacks."

Parts will be, of necessity, see through

The emperor's new wall

*pizza chef winking and kissing fingers*

'see through'

...

'see through' ffs

If only there were a word that meant 'see through'.

Also, I wonder if he means that it will be just a transparent wall or like a literal forcefield. Maybe with laser turrets on top.

When you, a freshman, ask me, a sophomore, to explain Pink Floyd to you https://t.co/Fhc2RZGfSy

— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) January 18, 2018

I mean this is shit I thought about when I was playing with GI Joes at age 7 so it's presumably something he has involved opinions about.

The democrats should say ok “ok no wall unless it’s 100% see through” and see how that all shakes down.

i really do think it could benefit the Dems if they'd stop all the priggish finger-wagging and performative outrage and just go straight up troll. hire a handful of pro comic twitter wits (who would prob do it for next to free) and just drag the absolute fuck out of Trump's gang of chuds & entire GOP. And not just on social media, I'm talking about full-bore Dem Party messaging. if nothing else it could be entertaining and might boost morale.

I wonder if he means that it will be just a transparent wall or like a literal forcefield.

No, no, all Border Patrol agents will be replaced with mimes. They will patrol along the border, all the while making hand motions that indicate that there is an invisible wall present. SORTED. Hashtag MAGA.

(Indeed, you could even call it a MIME FIELD. You're welcome, America.)

...although watching most of these humorless nerds try and land a joke on the Sunday shows would be absolutely cringe-inducing

maybe Trump should start small, maybe by trying to catproof the backyard in Guantanamo or something.

I do think trolling would work! Fight fire with fire. They should say he wears diapers. They should say he picks his nose and eats it. They should accuse him of being a premature ejaculator who could never get it up for a porn star. He would take the bait. Every ... single ... time.

Anyway, surprised that, having learned (maybe?) the definition of a "clean" bill, that Idiot has not demanded a clean vote on the wall first, before anything else.

Just put up some signs that say "Force Field Ahead. Trespassers may fall into Hot Lava."

Fight fire with fire. They should say he wears diapers. They should say he picks his nose and eats it. They should accuse him of being a premature ejaculator who could never get it up for a porn star. He would take the bait. Every ... single ... time.

^yup.

“There’s been an evolutionary process that this president has gone through,” Kelly said.

arrested somewhere in homo habilis

Transparent is that TV show with the guy who thinks he's a lady iirc.

if Dems started claiming the President wears diapers he would 100% drop his pants on national TV. this is a win/win

or a win/win/lose

speaking of, Daddy Huckabee is at it again

More "breaking wind" from CNN! WH Press Corps to submit to voluntary brain scans to prove THEY aren't demented. To insure accuracy of brain scan, tests will be administered by rectal probe.

— Gov. Mike Huckabee (@GovMikeHuckabee) January 17, 2018

dude should seriously consider hiring Dan Nainan to help him write a few jokes

Sounds like Huckabee went to the mall this weekend and was really impressed by the comedy t-shirts at Spencers Gifts

ok first - it's ensure, not insure. second, isn't he basically saying that everyone in the white house has their head up their asses?

lol, nvm, you got me huckster--it's the press corps, not the WH staff!

lol reporters r dumb (my son murders animals)

q][President Donald Trump will speak at Friday’s March for Life, becoming the first sitting president to address the annual anti-abortion gathering by satellite in its 45-year history.

The announcement, made on Wednesday by the White House, caps a stunning evolution for Trump, who once declared himself “pro-choice in every respect.” A year into his first term as president, anti-abortion groups are praising his record as one of the most supportive of their cause in recent memory.

Trump has successfully cemented his reputation among Christian conservatives even as headlines chronicle new details about past affairs and sexual dalliances, including with an adult-film actress. The president spends Sunday mornings on the golf course instead of in church, and freely employs a vocabulary that’s more Lenny Bruce than Father Flanagan.

For the anti-abortion movement, that’s all forgivable.[/

reminder: Christian conservatives are full of shit

As we all know, illegal immigrants can't cross water, which is why they're called "drybacks."

― godzillas in the mist (Ye Mad Puffin), Thursday, January 18, 2018 4:02 PM (one hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

fp duly given but could we not use / allude to racist slurs like this?

Republicans are about to shut down the federal government so of course Grassley is jamming through a bunch of terrible judicial nominees for a vote today

— Jessica Mason Pieklo (@Hegemommy) January 18, 2018

here we go

seconding Euler

poll: will the federal employees who get furloughed ever return to work again

drain the swamp!

Euler, Casino: sorry, got carried away with finding mockable stuff in the presitweet. Intention was to mock racist attitudes/language (not embody or amplify them), but will take greater care in future. Thanks.