Least promising Sequel/Remake/Franchise Flick of 2018

If you'd told me this was a parody list I'd have believed you (and asked why you were showing me it because fake funny sequel names is the single most played-out and crappy joke format)

Mamma Mia! Ugh, Here We Go

I really hope Super Troopers 2 is good

i didn't know there was a Johnny English 2. Isnt' the first one widely reviled as the worst thing Atkinson has ever done?

Every time I look at this list I'm seeing things I didn't notice before. It's too much to take in all at once.

I'm honestly surprised, in the age of the superhero movie, no one seems to be trying to get a non-Marvel/DC franchise off the ground in 2018. Where's the Barb Wire reboot we've all been clamoring for?

i suspect universal's continued failure to float a 'dark universe' movie which is met with anything other than critical and box office derision might be dissuading others from putting their heads above the parapet

i for one hope they keep going becuase it's reliable source of schadenfreude lols

Igor: No, Seriously, This is Actually the Beginning of the Franchise For Serious This Time, Guys, Please Stop Laughing

You know, these are the types of movies that should get remakes. No reason to reboot an awesome movie like Total Recall, just take a movie with a grabby premise and blah execution and tighten it up

it's a real catch-22, cuz the thinking is that people will only go to see remakes whose names they recognise, but people only recognise them because the originals were a success and thus shouldn't be remade

actually now that i've mentioned it maybe someone should have another crack at making at catch-22 movie - the 1970 movie is interesting but flawed, and the book still has a fair amount of cultural cachet, right?

seeing the words Bumblebee: The Movie (from the "Transformers Universe") brought real tears to my eyes, but remaking Death Wish in 2018 seems like maybe the worst idea here

Not just a Death Wish remake, but a Death Wish remake directed by Eli Roth!

I think society will benefit from its existence.

bumblebee: the movie but every time anyone says 'bumblebee' the entirety of bee movie plays

Voting Solo as the least avoidable and the one that I will most regret having opinions about.

can a horror fan explain to me why The Strangers: Prey at Night?

Well, at least shitty horror sequels with no real connection to previous entries is a long and storied tradition.

Is The Girl in the Spider's Web a Dragon Tattoo sequel?
Yes, David Lagercrantz has added the fourth and fifth (The Girl Who Takes an Eye for an Eye - good review here) books in that series. The plots are more movie-friendly (introducing a new character that's a soap opera trope), but they're good beach reads.

"Valley Girl", much like "Footloose", should just be an update with more CW-level telegenic stars, a worse soundtrack, and no Nic Cage with triangle-shaped chest hair. Surprised this got greenlit before "Pretty in Pink" or "The Breakfast Club".

See a lot of these tanking ("Robin Hood"), but a handful succeeding wildly ("Black Panther") to continue the trend.

Valley Girl

This movie is perfect as is and I will cut a motherfucker I swear

You know, these are the types of movies that should get remakes. No reason to reboot an awesome movie like Total Recall, just take a movie with a grabby premise and blah execution and tighten it up

I agree in theory, but Valley Girl and Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, while hardly masterpieces, were fine the way they were, imo. Also, the latter is already a remake (of the David Niven/Marlon Brando comedy Bedtime Story).

So Robert Eggers isn't doing Nosferatu anymore but now a guy who did a very low budget Caligari remake is.
Mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, I'd like good directors to avoid franchises and remakes like the plague but on the other hand they could get more money/opportunity to do certain genres in a more extravagant fashion and Taylor-Joy (she was previously attached) would have been awesome in it.

actually now that i've mentioned it maybe someone should have another crack at making at catch-22 movie - the 1970 movie is interesting but flawed, and the book still has a fair amount of cultural cachet, right?

A remake is in the works as a limited series on Hulu,George Clooney to co-direct and also play Cathcart.

I'll reserve judgment but at least he's smart enough to know he's too old for Yossarian now. For all its flaws the Nichols version had a tremendous cast!

I think it's funny that Clooney's playing a part originated by his ex-father in law.

Not just a Death Wish remake, but a Death Wish remake directed by Eli Roth!

― the smartest persin in the room (Old Lunch), Friday, January 19, 2018 8:10 AM (one hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

oh my god it was hard not to throw up immediately after reading this sentence

a valley girl remake is a personal insult to me

Okay, the subtitle to Valley Girl: A Personal Insult to Brad finally makes sense to me.

i will probably end up seeing 5-7 of these but it is a real dire list this time around. in any other year this would be a vote for 'solo' easy, or the very idea of a mary poppins sequel, if disney hadn't been undermining all its classics with remakes and instantly-forgotten sequels since the jungle book 2 and return to never land. based on previous entries that i've seen, jurassic world 2 is the one i'm most groaning at. the trailer is also REALLY bad, seemingly conveying everything potentially interesting that might happen while also displaying that none of it will actually be interesting. aquaman and bumblbee are the saddest-lol spinoffs; ant-man/wasp, black panther, pacific rim 2 and ocean's 8 seem like they could actually be good.

i got exhausted halfway through fantastic beasts 1 on a plane last summer. imagine if they keep going with this and there eventually seven or eight obnoxious movies of 'fantastic beasts.' existence of another grinch movie is sort of shocking even in this climate. there remains a perfectly good, right-sized grinch movie made for TV and what more can you really want? there were thirty-three years between that one and the jim carrey one and only eighteen years between the jim carrey one and now... maybe technology has become advanced enough to do a better job. call me when it's advanced enough to go back in time and erase both of these.

the first strangers made me unhappy and uncomfortable but it's a genre i don't like generally so i can't really judge whether it was good or not. seems a weird thing to make a sequel to ten years later. who cares?

overboard remake is at once sort of understandable and totally insane. i agree that remakes of 80s movies with no pop-culture presence today is actually kind of respectable hollywood business-as-usual, more in the spirit of the repeated remakes of the front page or bedazzled or something. it's not like they're just trying to get people into the theater based on name-recognition of a familiar franchise/"universe." similarly this lady gaga thing will be the fourth rendition of a star is born - who cares? but the original overboard barely, BARELY works because the natural chemistry between hawn and russell lets you forget, at occasional intervals, how fundamentally fucked-up and creepy and nightmarish the premise is. they're trying to "correct" the premise here by reversing the male and female roles but it's an insane premise and that won't help. i will say that when my brother first told me about this i was momentarily imagining a sequel to the original with senior-citizen russell getting conked on the head... "overboard: back 2 the boat"... i think that could be okay.

all told the idea of remaking death wish at the current moment in time is the most risibly cynical right-wing money-maker scheme imaginable so i think that's gotta be my vote.

As much as I wish these films would stop I don't think Aquaman need be so bad, Momoa as an underwater king sounds not bad. Of course I know there's little chance of it being good.

Don't see any promise in another Ocean film. They're going to have to do a lot more than gender flip that dullness.

Grinch is baffling but i think a trippy stylistic cgi take would be cool. no idea what they will do w it. Boris Karloff dubstep?

Robin Hood is the most meh thing here. that Dr. Who episode where he made fun of the happy go lucky Merry Men was wonderful.

agree all the 80s remakes look dismal. "Valley Girl" without Cage seems like "Robocop" without Veerhoven. soulless remakes yeah probably existing for copyright purposes more than anything. i feel like most remakes ignore 100% the chemistry between og actors and they don't even try to recapture it, they just name them the same as the character from the old movie. one of the big reasons i dont care for the new Star Wars is there seems to be zero attempt to recapture the comradery and hanging-with-friends atmosphere. it's movies about movies.

all told the idea of remaking death wish at the current moment in time is the most risibly cynical right-wing money-maker scheme imaginable so i think that's gotta be my vote.

they should remake Invasion USA it is basically a illegals-and-terrorist-invade-america fever dream

ocean 8 has got a pretty solid cast which counts for something. i dunno, i feel like come june when the choices are that versus Solo, Deadpool 2, Jurassic World 2, and Avengers 3, the idea of a nice fun team heist movie with no super powers or blue lasers or volcanoes will seem mighty appealing.

So Suspiria is not on this list because it actually seems promising?

the first strangers made me unhappy and uncomfortable but it's a genre i don't like generally so i can't really judge whether it was good or not. seems a weird thing to make a sequel to ten years later. who cares?

unfortunately: me, i will watch basically any horror sequel. "unhappy and uncomfortable" is a great description of the vibe the first strangers gave off, not sure how a sequel can even expand or improve on the very narrow but effective vision of the first one. but i'll see it lol

just reading that list of titles is extremely depressing

i'm still baffled that the venom movie is getting made, not least because it stars tom hardy

― grim-n-gritty hooty reboot (bizarro gazzara), Friday, 19 January 2018 11:53

And Michelle Williams!

Robin Hood could be good if they had the guts to bring on the feyness.

the reason the strangers sequel is coming out a decade after the first is it was in and out of development for soooo long. iirc it was written in 2011 and they only filmed the thing last year

Super troopers 2 will scorch the tired crust of cynicism from the zeitgeist

So Suspiria is not on this list because it actually seems promising?

I didn't see it on the Wiki list I was drawing from, but all that means is that a) there isn't a release date locked down for it yet, or b) I just overlooked it.

Solo: An XXX Star Wars Story

I overlooked Death Wish on this list. that woulda been my #1 with a bullet. I want to do serious harm to Eli Roth rn

when does that Universal Frankenstein/Dracula series get started? i will be rooting for the Apocalypse to save us.

Already begun with the mummy flick last year innit

They tried to start it (for a second time) with The Mummy, but that flopped and it seems like they don't have a plan now.

https://io9.gizmodo.com/universals-shared-monster-movie-universe-has-been-put-o-1820249731

O brave new world!

I was kinda hopoing it'd succeed so that we'd get tons of new unneeded universes like the DuckTales Expanded Universe

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donald_Duck_universe

"unneeded"

why is crocodile dundee not on this list

Is there a new one? Didn't see it on the Wiki list.

Probably should have added an "Other (Specify)" option, especially since there will inevitably be things that come out during the year that haven't been announced/given released dates yet. I'll remember that for next year.

Voting either Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again or A Star Is Born (with Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper) because they're the only two that look like they'll have some of that old school Razzie mojo.

http://people.com/movies/danny-mcbride-is-crocodile-dundees-son-in-exclusive-first-look-at-mysterious-project/

I just this minute discovered that del Toro is not directing the new one.

I'm sure this guy's just as good.

Director (5 credits)
2018 Pacific Rim Uprising (completed)
2015 Daredevil (TV Series) (1 episode)
2009 Dollhouse (TV Series) (1 episode)
2005-2007 Smallville (TV Series) (2 episodes)
2003-2004 Angel (TV Series) (3 episodes)

can a horror fan explain to me why The Strangers: Prey at Night?

― rob, Friday, January 19, 2018 10:27 AM (one month ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

feel like I should report that I read a really positive review of this one yesterday. Maybe more franchises should stick a decade in between instalments

they're advertising the big bashy robots think a lot over here too. fuckers.

A couple ringers for next year's poll announced today: a M.A.S.K. movie by F. Gary Gray and a Gremlins reboot by Chris Columbus. Wheeeeeee(ze).

you missed the real note of dread: this is meant to expand the G.I. Joe films into a Hasbro Cinematic Universe

m.a.s.k. had a spirited and memorable theme song, and a couple of kinda neat toys, but really this is bottom-of-the-barrel stuff here

The M.A.S.K. theme rocks.

Can't wait to see Rocky Dennis singing 'Cuban Pete'.

The top 6 box-office grossers of the weekend (and 10 of the top 12) were sequels, so let's turn the lights out on this Hollywood shit, it was a fun century.

Keep shouting, man, I don't think that cloud has learned its lesson yet.

it was a fun century

yeah but was it tho, rly

seeya at The First Purge, Lunchie!

oh so you have no problem with PREquels

this seems like hollywood's worst summer crop in decades.

Leave No Trace, Three Identical Strangers, Won't You Be My Neighbour, Sorry To Bother You, Eighth Grade and Hereditary are all in wide release this week.

It's true that that only gets you six out of seven days filled with Moviepass, but as sequels go Ant-Man & The Wasp, But Not In Her Vagina is fun, Incredibles 2 is less eugenicist than the first, and I haven't seen any of the Hotel Transylvanias but apparently #3 is the first one that Genndy Tartakovsky has written? [googles: turns out the first one was written by Peter Baynham & Robert Smigel!]

GLASS

looking through previous summers, 2000 was bad year too -- the biggest hit was Mission Impossible 2 for instance. apart from that, I had to go back to 1976 to find a worse year.

it's been a great summer for movie watching for me, going back to May

Mary Poppins Begins

Where we discover that Mary's ultra-wealthy parents were killed by a thug in an alleyway before her eyes, causing her to dedicate her life to making Gotham London safe from criminals, flying to the rescue of innocents using her rocket-propelled umbrella.

Living her double life as a stripper where he bones dudes jessica jones style then kills them like a black widow only can

She