This is the inevitable thread for ILxors in their forties

having a kid pretty much destroys you is how i break it down to an extent

ABSOLUTELY. Though I never say this out loud around people I know who have kids.

(active) dads and moms alike ime; pretty clearly the lack of sleep and massive stress that does it

^ This. Obv it's a generalization and not true of everyone but in general the ppl I know who look the youngest out of my peers are the ones who don't have kids.

also these days we're less likely to have been smoking for 30 years

and probably eat more fresh vegetables

I smoked for 20 years but I've also been using eye cream and anti-aging moisturizer since I was 18 and a very wise esthetician told me it was never too early to start and to always always wear sunscreen. I would tongue kiss that lady if I could find her today. Also, I do think genetics plays a role in this stuff too.

I got made fun of for leaving my eye cream at a friend's apartment after a sleepover for a bachelorette party when I was in my mid-twenties. An email was sent around asking who the old lady was her forgot her cream and they all laughed. Guess who's laughing now, ladies? I read something the other day which said that 20 somethings are now getting botox as a preventive anti-aging thing which seems bonkers to me.

I had a meeting with a client yesterday who is two years older than me and has two kids, and she looks pretty great. Like the people I know who are my age that have kids don't look any older than those who don't -- maybe the women are slightly heavier, which culturally connotes "older" -- however, fat generally makes your skin look younger.

Like, all else being equal, the heavier people I know in their 40s have younger looking skin than the thin ones, so it kinda evens out in the "what age do you look" department, outside of wardrobe choices and balding/graying issues.

but honestly (xp way up thread), if I had the time (and fuck I wish I did), I would photoshop Archie and Edith wearing contemporary "hip" 40-something clothes and see whether they still look "old" for their ages.

the way people treat agedness as repellent disappoints me
youth will always be fleeting -- even for the genetically fortunate, the diligent moisturizers, the health freaks. even if i look younger than i am right now, some day i won't and i want to be able to feel alright about myself when that happens.

yeah! especially at our age(s) -- it's one thing when your a teen/20-something, but now, it's like self-loathing. Why do it? ... Funny enough, earlier today my neighbor (who I think is about 80) was using her new walker and getting on the senior bus, and I envisioned myself at that age doing the same thing -- what it would be like, how I would feel about my fellow infirm senior citizens -- would it be like when I was 8 and switched schools and had to take the bus, with a bunch of other children, an age where we're fragile and dependent as well.

I'm fine with aging and actually looking quite forward to it but I agree that the way people treat it is really upsetting. I know that it's inevitable but I'm still going to take small measures like using moisturizers and sunscreen to look the best I can as I get older and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I don't want to look like I'm 25 but I'm quite happy to look good for forty if that makes any sense.

Tbh I'm going full on kaftan, crazy glasses, and turbans when I hit 70 and I'm very much looking forward to my Mrs. Roper chic stage of life.

I'm pretty much full-on Mrs. Roper chic in the summer when it gets over 90.

And although I would like to see Carol O'C in the outfits you're proposing, S, I think he'd sill look pretty damn old for 44. I honestly would have guessed he was about 60 in that picture.

x-post - yessssssssssssss :)

the kaftan thing is great -- you get air circulation, don't worry about shaving your legs, getting sunburned ...and potentially importantly, it signals to the men who seem to develop into super solicitous creeps in the hot months, that you do not give a fuck, and they should leave you the fuck alone.

xxp - I just think about how we perceive age -- as in "how old is this person" -- and what forms those perceptions, what cues do we look for. Some of it is biological/genetic, but I think there's cultural influence in that as well, idk.

Yeah think about Cary Grant or Humphrey Bogart as romantic leads. In the mid-20th century straight white guys did not necessarily want or need to look young.

x-post - No, I think you're definitely right about that. Also, the air circulation factor is key. I pretty much only wear dresses in the summer for that reason. When it's hot and humid out I can't stand clothes that are clingy.

xp - honestly think about the fact that Harrison Ford and Clint Eastwood were romantic leads up until ...

which brings us to the contentious territory of aging men vs. women

Well, yeah.

when Spencer Tracy was Bruce Springsteen's age, he was dead.

An ex-bf of mine (Irish, not an ILXor, died unexpectedly last year) always asked people ‘what is your age’ and I always thought that was a better way of putting it!

did he get a bunch of clever responses like "stone", "mesozoic", and "golden"?

Carroll O'Connor in 1968 at age 44:

https://i.imgur.com/dwiNJjp.jpg

https://i.imgur.com/M9JO4nG.jpg

Also so happy to have finally found a thread to post 50-year-old Carroll O'Connor pictures.

is it just me or are we aging better as a generation? i mean i know _I_ look good but it seems like most of my fortysomething friends look like they're in their thirties. these boomer/greatest gen guys in their forties look like they're in their fifties

― Chocolate-covered gummy bears? Not ruling those lil' guys out. (ulysses)

no i'm pretty much decrepit, carroll o'connor looks great compared to me

http://i.cdn.turner.com/v5cache/TCM/Images/Dynamic/i440/kellysheroes_forgetaboutyourflanks_FC_470x264_052720170642.jpg

Carroll O'Connor at 45

https://www.thevintagenews.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/006wy7kd.jpg

meanwhile, same movie - clint eastwood at 39 (movie came out when he was 40)

Potato chips will do wonders

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-nfRW82om7IE/UVL0JSb8KOI/AAAAAAAADf4/QGz2GfIJ5nU/s1600/The_Enforcer_Clint_Eastwood.jpg

Clint at 45

YEah, he and George Harrison at a tie.

OK, feel like we're making progress here.

https://i.imgur.com/TMkybHs.jpg

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Z3FxI3Mt3PU/U5a5ydpRNcI/AAAAAAAAN-8/3hzfSRCCukg/s1600/Up-The-Down-Staircase-Jean-Stapleton-1967.JPG

here she is at 44

carroll o'c did a nice slooow southern accent in 'in the heat of the night' despite being from nyc

I think people were expected to dress/look old, back in the day.

I was watching God's Own Country last night and noticed how it inverted the sexist movie rulebook by having Ian Hart play the partner of Gemma Jones, who is 20 odd years his senior. Mind you he, fine actor as he is, is knackered and old looking enough looking to pull it off. Not meant in a shitty way, I've similar genes at work on me.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DVBDw1GX4AAlCJr.jpg:small

by having Ian Hart play the partner of Gemma Jones, who is 20 odd years his senior

The rulebook is intact; she plays his mother-in-law, as I remember it (not his mother, I don't think). At any rate, she is the grandmother of the protagonist. A few critics missed this too.

the son calls her "Nan" i think.

I must have misheard that as "mam".

https://i.imgur.com/tDyNaxf.jpg

Rarely have I ever wanted to actually punch a computer screen and yet.

People scream at concerts?

http://www.babylonisburning.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/psycho-scream.jpeg

how can you tell whether you have lower back pain in the morning because you old, or it's just time to replace your "2nd cheapest from Sears" mattress you bought 8 years ago?

― sarahell, Wednesday, January 24, 2018 11:06 PM (one month ago)

Update -- I rotated the mattress a few weeks back and now do not have the pain anymore.

√

Rotated my mattress a couple of weeks ago and got the same effect. I think I might have worn a groove in it.
Also it might be because of the relentless summer sunshine, but oh boy are the grey hairs starting to come in on top. Looks OK though. If I can pull of an 'old Deckard' look at 75 I'll be happy.

Also I would like to report considerably less patience with people who talk out of their arse all the time.

Hey turned 40 a bit over a month ago, don't care much so far. Lots of grey but for some reason it only seems to show in my beard.