(Someone must have made that joke already right)
― very stabbable gaius (wins), Thursday, 1 February 2018 08:26 (six years ago) link
If I ain't heard it it's new to me
― Alderweireld Horses (darraghmac), Thursday, 1 February 2018 09:24 (six years ago) link
Why did the blood chop off a digit from a rival gang member’s foot and then wait for it to go up in value?
Because it was crip toe currency.
― Fedora Dostoyevsky (man alive), Tuesday, 6 February 2018 03:28 (six years ago) link
Q: What do you get when you kick Batman in the junk?
A: a Bruised Wang
― flamboyant goon tie included, Wednesday, 7 February 2018 01:41 (six years ago) link
Doesn't he wear a reinforced cod piece?So more bruised foot innit
― Stevolende, Wednesday, 7 February 2018 08:10 (six years ago) link
That wouldn't work tho would it as a joke it wouldn't work because foot does not sound like Wayne whereas Wang sounds a little like wang
― Alderweireld Horses (darraghmac), Wednesday, 7 February 2018 08:52 (six years ago) link
Computer Programmer #1: Why are you tapping the keys so loudly?
Computer Programmer #2: I'm teaching myself Java and the manual said it's a strongly typed language.
― mick signals, Sunday, 25 February 2018 23:50 (six years ago) link
nice
― o. nate, Tuesday, 27 February 2018 01:46 (six years ago) link
"You must be Balaam, 'cus your ass is talking"
Reading the Bible at the moment, that joke was what I've gotten out of it so far.
― Frederik B, Thursday, 1 March 2018 22:22 (six years ago) link
There's a new movie about a Jewish guy from Brooklyn who was known around the neighborhood for his crazy sunglasses addiction.
They called him...
Fifty Shades Freed
― Fedora Dostoyevsky (man alive), Thursday, 1 March 2018 23:18 (six years ago) link
Ha!
― mick signals, Friday, 2 March 2018 02:29 (six years ago) link
I enjoyed the first movie, in which he was trying to acquire the impressive sunglasses collection of Macy Gray.
― mick signals, Friday, 2 March 2018 02:31 (six years ago) link
Or the second movie, about Freed's mobbed up, sunglasses-addicted uncle, Fifty Shades Shtarker
― Fedora Dostoyevsky (man alive), Friday, 2 March 2018 02:42 (six years ago) link
I ran out of faux pas so I’m going gauchery shopping
― map, Wednesday, 14 March 2018 05:12 (six years ago) link
oh matt
― the masseduction of lauryn hill (Stevie D(eux)), Wednesday, 14 March 2018 12:32 (six years ago) link
Software Function #1: Hey, I heard you broke up with that cute loop! What happened?
Software Function #2: Yeah, she called me all the time, but there were just too many arguments.
― mick signals, Tuesday, 27 March 2018 18:40 (six years ago) link
what's your favorite lou barlow song? mine's 'walk like an egyptian'. oh wait, that's the bangles.
― you bet, nancy (map), Sunday, 29 April 2018 05:13 (six years ago) link
this more of a bad pickup line thing but
"Hey baby, what's your name?"
"You first."
"Everyone calls me 59. I'm just looking for a 10 to make 69 with."
"Well, everyone calls me 418 because I'm just looking for a 2 to hook me up with some 420 but I can see that's not happening tonight."
― 21st savagery fox (m bison), Sunday, 29 April 2018 15:33 (six years ago) link
"Maybe you should hook up with that 1 down at the end of the bar, cause you look like a fake-ass Nigerian prince."
― mick signals, Sunday, 29 April 2018 17:12 (six years ago) link
"Never trust a person whose name can be pronounced the same forwards and backwards, like 'Bob' or 'Snatans.'"
― Josh in Chicago, Sunday, 29 April 2018 19:20 (six years ago) link
- "The top of Three Mile Island's reactor core was exposed and the intense heat caused a reaction to occur between the steam forming in the reactor core and the Zircaloy nuclear fuel rod cladding, yielding zirconium dioxide, hydrogen, and additional heat. This reaction melted the nuclear fuel rod cladding and damaged the fuel pellets, which released radioactive isotopes to the reactor coolant, and produced hydrogen gas that is believed to have caused a small explosion in Three Mile Island's containment building."
- "Whoa, whoa, whoa. TMI, man. TMI."
― pplains, Sunday, 6 May 2018 16:13 (six years ago) link
hahaha works for me
― DACA Flocka Flame (Hadrian VIII), Sunday, 6 May 2018 16:47 (six years ago) link
What do you call the tendency to over-medicate allergy symptoms?
Over-Reactine
― incel elgort (cryptosicko), Friday, 25 May 2018 17:35 (five years ago) link
I just walked into the restroom at work and, seeing that every stall was occupied, thought to myself, 'wow, full house...or is it a royal flush?!?'.
(I swear that this popped into my head with zero conscious effort. I've already scheduled an appointment with my neurologist, so no worries.)
― Gladys McFlatus (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 19 June 2018 15:31 (five years ago) link
What kind of hand were you holding?
― pplains, Tuesday, 19 June 2018 15:40 (five years ago) link
good one old lunch
― marcos, Tuesday, 19 June 2018 15:46 (five years ago) link
thats when lbron james coems out of a stall in a cloud of weed smoke and says "nah, just a king high."
― 21st savagery fox (m bison), Tuesday, 19 June 2018 15:51 (five years ago) link
These homemade jokes are every bit as good as the industrially manufactured ones!
― mick signals, Tuesday, 19 June 2018 16:20 (five years ago) link
'Sleeping together'.... you don't sleep!
― flappy bird, Tuesday, 19 June 2018 17:16 (five years ago) link
as long as it wasn't a couple of deuces in the pocket
― challops trap house (Will M.), Tuesday, 19 June 2018 17:49 (five years ago) link
What does Lebron James eat for breakfast? Lebran flakes.
― dinnerboat, Tuesday, 19 June 2018 18:02 (five years ago) link
Walking down the street, overheard some guy exclaiming to a woman "You're from Bolivia ?!"
and I really wanted to say to the woman "he doesn't believia"
― In space, pizza sends out for YOU (Ste), Tuesday, 19 June 2018 18:48 (five years ago) link
my fave classic ilx joke is the one about stevie nicks
where did stevie nicks do her lines?
in the bathroom
― lost in sublimation (Ross), Wednesday, 20 June 2018 05:21 (five years ago) link
http://wallpaperen.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/unique-images-of-the-strongest-man-in-the-world-here-are-the-2016-world-s-strongest-man-groups-and-events-images-of-the-strongest-man-in-the-world.png
Look at this guy! Even without seeing his body, you can tell he's ripped, from the head lines.
― mick signals, Thursday, 12 July 2018 13:13 (five years ago) link
*groans*
― pplains, Thursday, 12 July 2018 13:31 (five years ago) link
^ not just my reaction, but my caption to the image.
Trump's favourite martial art?
Krav MAGA
― koogs, Friday, 13 July 2018 16:44 (five years ago) link
Something about constipated optimists living in a world of make-believe.
― Gregory Horsemelt (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 18 July 2018 12:01 (five years ago) link
What do you call two angry meth heads?
Para-noids
(Not my joke)
― Ross, Wednesday, 18 July 2018 13:49 (five years ago) link
What does Dave Coulier say after the doctor tells him there's been a golfball-sized tumor in his brain for his entire adult life?
'(shitty Bullwinkle voice) Gee, doc, would you mind removing that pesky tumor? (shitty Popeye laugh)'
― Pizza's the food that's sure to please! (Old Lunch), Thursday, 19 July 2018 15:31 (five years ago) link
Sat down with my kid and had a talk with her as she gets ready for junior high. You know, don't drink, don't smoke, avoid drugs, try to be frugal...
You know, a Minor Prep.
― pplains, Tuesday, 7 August 2018 17:37 (five years ago) link
How does Tesla's CEO stretch before he goes fishing?
He does a muskellunge.
― how's life, Tuesday, 14 August 2018 10:43 (five years ago) link
where does Dracula buy his stationery?
Pencil-vania
― Scritti Vanilli - The Word Girl You Know It's True (dog latin), Friday, 17 August 2018 10:38 (five years ago) link
haha, that's good
― niels, Friday, 17 August 2018 10:57 (five years ago) link
Q: What do English people do after brushing their teeth?
A: They rinse with Lorcesterine
― flamboyant goon tie included, Saturday, 25 August 2018 15:32 (five years ago) link
Omg
― The Vermilion Sand Reckoner (James Redd and the Blecchs), Saturday, 25 August 2018 15:33 (five years ago) link
schedule next year's
― a roomba of one's own (rip van wanko), Saturday, 25 August 2018 15:36 (five years ago) link
panel 1: new arrival in heaven, standing at the pearly gates, big smilepanel 2: newbie strikes up a conversation, says "i can't believe i made it to heaven! eternal paradise! so relieved! mortal life on earth kind sucked, eh?"panel 3: other guy to newbie "i dunno. it had its challenges but overall i found it and rewarding and rich."panel 4: newbie's face - eyes distant with a faint expression of despair settling in
― rip van wanko, Wednesday, 10 October 2018 01:47 (five years ago) link
Well, homegrown'sall right with me.Homegrownis the way it should be.Homegrownis a good thing.Plant that belland let it ring.
― reggie (qualmsley), Wednesday, 10 October 2018 02:54 (five years ago) link
hey rip I like your comic but not sure I get the joke do you mind explaining it
― niels, Wednesday, 10 October 2018 06:17 (five years ago) link