why do i hate that artist thing that people keep posting on my facebook so much? why am i such a jerk?

Go back and become her

Lidl had a thing where they started with tweets of ppl saying shit like "no way is lidl beef from actual Scottish stock" and then they would send that person to their farm, or "lidl wine tastes like balls" and they'd send them to a vineyard in France. It always felt like the naysayer was going to be discreetly slaughtered offscreen.

roses are red
dumb rhymes

stop it

https://www.facebook.com/AtHomeWithAmySedaris/videos/404628113286898/

The lady in the countryside? The wind chimes will be made from her bones after she's eaten by all the animals

i actually read this because someone posted it on facebook. so it belongs here. true life hermit comic.

https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/the-cavedwelling-hermitess-of-colonial-america

as i read it, the american podcasting voice takes over in my head

https://scontent-lax3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/fr/cp0/e15/q65/21558622_1509916755769482_9123308585844616861_n.jpg?efg=eyJpIjoidCJ9&oh=91a9a7967235ed2e4ec7ebac2e154e03&oe=5B210AFB

Author Unknown

https://i.imgur.com/SYLzfgy.jpg

I remember when we all had one ego, in the singular

I remember eating gruel and getting beaten. Life was simpler then.

that right there is the pure distilled essence

How the hell’d anorexia end up in there


Also fuck these people in their antediluvian ear holes

What is it about tedious miserable dipshits that makes them so nostalgic for corporal punishment

I remember the Comic; Sans of my youth

And not from a freezer; or shop.

Shops didn't exist prior to 1996, its true

We didn't have ill people, they b all dead.

no anorexia cos nobody cared about no crazy bitches who didn't eat lol, long as they could still cook

^ uh, irony there

cinema was famously free on Saturdays

dinner came hot from the oven, not from a freezer

does the writer think that people just suck on frozen meals like they're fucking ice lollies instead of, y'know, cooking them in the oven

it's not the same if you can't taste an hour's worth of unpaid female labour in every bite

no you don't understand unpaid female labour is the name of my dog

to be fair, sometimes facebook can really deliver the goods:

https://scontent.fbed1-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/11002615_10101573614770342_7901511622626986622_n.jpg?oh=66b51702e4743d335819f07f60990011&oe=5B0EE270

On the weird detail front, not refrigerating your cheese kind of stands out. And hell, if you want to keep your cheese on the counter you're welcome to, I won't rat you out to the cheese police.

http://i65.tinypic.com/2pref76.jpg

^ eh, as a parody, it's pretty passable. at least it doesn't misplace the punchline.

ok i love that

i laughed at that britney thing.

this i did not laugh at :

https://www.wired.com/story/inside-facebook-mark-zuckerberg-2-years-of-hell/

a very interesting deep dive read.

https://scontent-lax3-2.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/27973309_785827021623335_731319092936336591_n.png?oh=9a15c4b9c7d29256d14c45ea7e7e7155&oe=5B07B4DF

i'm more annoyed about the car on the street PARKED THE WRONG WAY

clearly they need to build a wall imo

or two walls, rather

it looks like gun control stops 5 out of every 7 murderous triangles tho, it's a start

im 2 dumb to understand the gun control one

no you're not, you probably just missed the gate (i did too at first.)

aah ok

I guess gun control doesn't work then

hmm as if rules mean nothing without meaningful enforcement

never mind, I’m thinking too hard

It's not an analogy, it works exactly like this.

https://i.imgur.com/Te7BCdk.jpg

be on the look out for teens leaving IEDs in your yard. btw if you want to make one yourself, here's how

Drano you say

Boiling hot water. Safely contained in a little plastic bottle.

No fingers left.

well 5 minutes ago i didn't know i could make a drano bomb. cheers Facebook!

Teens man, first it was jäger bombs now it's drano bombs I can't keep up with all these funny new words!

weird how the makers of neither drano nor tin foil have gotten in any boiling hot water for all the sinks, kitchens and houses blown to bits, in what must be a very commonplace accident

i think the real trick is to wait until someone picks up the drano bomb and then throw toilet paper at them

https://scontent-lax3-2.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t31.0-8/fr/cp0/e15/q65/27912849_2022576487753900_4892370308163534121_o.jpg?efg=eyJpIjoidCJ9&oh=54ce1d6d8ab7eaa46e40009612f1e2ee&oe=5B0701A1

🤔