OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

I think I now have a new least-favorite band/song/video of all time.

Froot Loops = ruint

being male = ruint

it was apparently sparked by the author having a picture of her tattoo run with a story on the assault

:(

worst weird pointless npr write up of an absolutely nonsensical youtube video made by a maniac about how kanye west albums have some imaginary analog to situations from disgraced tv show 'the office', ever?

https://www.npr.org/sections/allsongs/2018/03/23/596443553/are-kanye-west-and-michael-scott-from-the-office-the-same-person-yes

I thought that Kanye/The Office thing was a (really bad) take off of the "Every Radiohead album described with Peep Show" format

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hbSy5Z6m3u4

journalism in the era of legalization

fyc: https://www.stereogum.com/1988829/on-virtue-julian-casablancas-scorches-the-strokes-legacy-and-leaps-into-the-voidz/franchises/sounding-board/

i didn't finish it but i can't see it getting much better after the first 100 paragraphs tbh

I was gonna say, jfc no one is ever finishing that

10,000+ words!

(not unlike Tyranny in that sense) xp

i'm sure the reason there are this many paragraphs is bc the space between each resembles the line of coke he did before writing it

tbh this did succeed in getting me to check out the new songs (much easier than trying tog et through any of this) and they're not bad, really

That was fucking painful to read - and no, I didn't finish it. I tried to read it, got a few paragraphs in, scrolled down, saw the writer had written "I SOUND LIKE A DICK", agreed with the writer on that point and then closed it.

do the new songs take less time to listen to than finishing the first two grafs of this opus?

Speaking of verb tenses . . .

10,000 words of self-clowning

"a no-hope writer who couldn’t get into a half-decent MFA program"

i'm trying to imagine what this article would look like if michael nelson (ever considered a pseudonym, michael?) had gotten into a decent mfa program.

the fact that stereogum commenters like his writing is further proof that stereogum commenters have the worst taste

Michael Nelson
Haha yeah I had literally a whole section here about my fave Jules verse ever, which is in "Electricityscape." I went on for a bit about that. But I had to cut it, sadly, because this piece was running on the semi-longer side. I'm stoked you caught that, tho!

"semi-longer"

this was a real solid lol:

i'm sure the reason there are this many paragraphs is bc the space between each resembles the line of coke he did before writing it

― flamenco drop (BradNelson), Wednesday, March 28, 2018 12:28 PM (three hours ago)

I know this reads like … I mean it reads like bad writing, honestly, but it’s a real thing that really happened, I swear; it’s just that I don’t have better words.

The self-awareness makes it even more abysmal somehow.

it reads like bad writing

America's sudden favorite rapper, Cardi B, has built her body for optimal viewing at medium-to-long-distance range. This engineering foresight helps explain why, before she began making music history (a randomly chosen milestone from her tennis bracelet of success: she is the first rapper to have her first three Billboard Hot 100 entries in the Top 10 simultaneously), she was not just a successful stripper but a wildly successful one. The hills and slopes of her body are so captivating that you might not even notice the delicate beauty of her countenance until it's staring at you head-on from across a dimly lit restaurant booth while you wait to discover what it is that Cardi loves.

if you're gonna objectify, go big

'the hills and slopes of her body' jfc

i'd love for someone to write that about, say, tom chaplin from keane. or glenn danzig.

"wow, imagine saying that about a MAN" is one of the most useless criticisms in 2018 and also ever

This extract has a wonderful Alan-Partridge-writing-for-Huffington-Post feel to it.

it's not a criticism, it's an invitation to write clammy-palmed erotica in this style about don henley

Imagine if Obama had written that!

written by Caity Weaver

who is a woman, from what i can tell.

imagine if Don Henley had written that

GLENN: well, yeah

"wow, imagine saying that about a MAN" is one of the most useless criticisms in 2018 and also ever

ACTUALLY, it isn't. (see what i did there)

The hills and slopes of Jeff Tweedy's body are built for optimal viewing at long distances

Caity Weaver is great tbh

i like her writing a lot although i feel like music pieces in general-interest magazines always reveal editorial seams (knowledge limitations on parts of editors, higher-ups' desire to present their cultural remit in a certain way) and this suffered from that issue here and there. also the 'this woman EATS' trope is a bit overdone

i hate 100% of the scene-setting done in these interview pieces. "dafoe glides in, as smoothly as if his body were on gimbals, and the room is illuminated suddenly, like a large exotic bird has settled in to land, and we are its tree. cream-colored scarf, aviators, he has a discreet word with the head waiter and they share a small laugh. i've brought my digital recorder but, i think, nervously, beads of sweat breaking out on my upper lip, have i brought batteries?" etc

10,000+ words!

― Whiney G. Weingarten, Wednesday, March 28, 2018 1:27 PM (one week ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

(not unlike Tyranny in that sense) xp

― Simon H., Wednesday, March 28, 2018 1:27 PM (one week ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i'm sure the reason there are this many paragraphs is bc the space between each resembles the line of coke he did before writing it

― flamenco drop (BradNelson), Wednesday, March 28, 2018 1:28 PM (one week ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I probably shouldn't admit that that was actually one of the best pieces of writing I've come across this year, but what the hey

Also, though, I'm a big Voidz fan and a big Michael Nelson fan, so

lol you do you ray, i eventually felt mean ragging on it

I mean, it IS probably 400 words too long, and it's just really long and takes some time to get to its point. BUT: This piece is dead-on and satisfying. I get it, he's doing the 1997-2001 Might/MicSweeney's fake-out thing where he's smuggling 2-3 larger points under cover of "awkward writing" but I still this is is exceptional. I know the approach doesn't count for much in an era where there's so much writing available, and most of the articles this long are edited to the hilt New Yorker/Atlantic articles.

Eh, I'm just grousing. Clearly you guys had fun with this on some level :)

Nelson is a really good writer. I didn't say anything in the initial wave because I have a vested interest (he's my editor at Stereogum). And I didn't care much about that specific piece because I've only heard one Strokes song ever, never mind anything by any of the members in other contexts.

i also found that part of the cardi b piece (+ the others that suddenly reverted to similar comments) very uncomfortable, altho i enjoyed other parts of the profile

Bro, if you work for Stereogum there’s no way you’ve only heard one Strokes song ever. Come on.

yo is it true phil got broed by a wite kid after a stereogum beef??????

Bro, if you work for Stereogum there’s no way you’ve only heard one Strokes song ever. Come on.

I write their monthly jazz column, and the occasional anniversary piece on a metal album.