"That was never a yellow card" *replay of dude kicking somebody in the shin/elbowing somebody in the face/tap dancing all over somebody's prostrate body*
― Kostic negotiator (Noodle Vague), Friday, 22 June 2018 20:46 (five years ago) link
"I thought the goalkeeper could have done better". <---- some outfield player or ex-player with no understanding of goalkeeping who is incapable of giving goalkeepers credit for anything.
― womp womp that sucker (Tom D.), Friday, 22 June 2018 20:53 (five years ago) link
*striker balloons it over the bar* "Oh unlucky!"
*Harry Kane balloons it over the bar* "Penalty!"
― womp womp that sucker (Tom D.), Friday, 22 June 2018 20:56 (five years ago) link
"This is a cracking match"
JUST KIDDING
― illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Friday, 22 June 2018 20:59 (five years ago) link
"I'll tell you what, these modern players are far more technically gifted than my generation."
― Kostic negotiator (Noodle Vague), Friday, 22 June 2018 21:11 (five years ago) link
"Well, Denmark might not have had a single shot on goal, while drawing three red cards, but I still think we're the moral winners of this match."
― Frederik B, Friday, 22 June 2018 21:17 (five years ago) link
northern Europeans parking the bus = canny, well-organised
non Europeans parking the bus = unambitious, cheats
― Kostic negotiator (Noodle Vague), Friday, 22 June 2018 21:20 (five years ago) link
Lol, Iceland probably the epitome of that.
― Frederik B, Friday, 22 June 2018 21:56 (five years ago) link
Are you a co-commentator? Just develop and vocalise one fairly sweeping opinion in the first ten minutes of the match, and then continue repeating it every time something happens which backs it up (or whenever there is a lull in play). Ignore all incident which contradicts this opinion. DO NOT UPDATE YOUR OPINION.
― Blandford Forum, Saturday, 23 June 2018 07:37 (five years ago) link
OK we're into the really pro tips now, otm
― Kostic negotiator (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 23 June 2018 10:11 (five years ago) link
"It wasn't intentional but it's definitely a handball."
― The Savic Detectives (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, 19 June 2018 16:43 (four days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
Fucking hate this one, manufacturing some controversy over an obvious ball to hand, watching the replay all like "it DOES TOUCH THE HAND", yeah everyone knows you're going to reluctantly concede that it was booted against the hand from half a yard away a few seconds later save us the bother m8
― Dadjokke (Sgt. Biscuits), Saturday, 23 June 2018 10:35 (five years ago) link
"And that's why zonal marking never works"
― thomasintrouble, Saturday, 23 June 2018 10:51 (five years ago) link
"England are shit and you're deluding yourself if you think that this time they're going to do anything other than a) lose, b) draw against a side who on paper they should beat easily, c) play well in the first half but then in the second deflate like a balloon, d) totally shit the bed when playing against a competent side (bonus points if that side has several Premiership players), e) win but in a really disappointingly unconvincing way that leaves you feeling that you wasted your time watching this match."
― Visibly Over 25 (snoball), Saturday, 23 June 2018 11:09 (five years ago) link
If there's absolutely nothing at stake anymore (URU-RUS, 2-0 and RUS down to 10 men), abandon all prepared notes and make the match about a sole objective, ie. in the Dutch commentators way today: Cavani chasing a goal, like Ahab chasing his white wale. Whether he truly is depressed, suicidal etc for having not scored or not, push this narrative till your viewers are nauseous of it.
― lbi's life of limitless european glamour (Le Bateau Ivre), Monday, 25 June 2018 15:45 (five years ago) link
Ok Fuck Cavani for scoring rn, redeeming all this bullshit. Joke's on me :(
― lbi's life of limitless european glamour (Le Bateau Ivre), Monday, 25 June 2018 15:47 (five years ago) link