This is the inevitable thread for ILxors in their forties

In my 50s here, and in my experience it's a lot harder than your 40s.

The main reason is that if you're not happy with your life, or you feel you took a major wrong turn 30 years ago, it feel too late to do something about it. And its all too easy to be lost in obsessive thoughts about it. For the first time in my life I'm seeking counselling.

Would be good to hear more from morbs.

Well, having separated from my wife of 20 years and fallen in love with someone who actually makes me feel loved, I can attest that 48 has been a watershed for me. And counselling has helped me to realise how I constructed the trap in which I found myself.
In a weird way I am delighted, I had felt very hollow after apparently solving all the problems most people deal with in affluent Western societies and gaining no satisfaction from that.

Good to hear. And good to be reminded that if you can overcome your problems, there's a positive side when you come through.

48 later this month. Regrets become a extremely potent brew by this point, but I’m still trying to build a way out of this economic leg hold trap I’m in.

Not sure i have "come through", I think I'm about 50% of the way "through" and with plenty of my old problems stuck to me. What is great is the realisation that growth and change is possible at any stage of life.

The hardest ages for me to come to terms with were 25 and 50. My forties were a golden age, I loved them. I'd spent my thirties hell-bent on pleasure, to compensate for a lack of fulfillment. In my forties, pleasure settled into a better place in my priorities, as fulfillment rapidly increased.

Turning 50 made me feel old, in a way that turning 40 hadn't, and I found it harder to envisage a path forwards. I'm 56 now, and that's all resolved. I've gracefully shed some aspects of my younger life, but by no means all. My aging system can't take quite so much pleasure, but it can take enough.

In my twenties and thirties, I socialised almost exclusively within a narrow age range. That started changing in my forties, and to my surprise, it's expanded even more in my fifties. I have friends who I see regularly in every half-decade age group from 19 to 80, and I value that enormously. I've also become a great deal more accepting of my weaknesses and flaws. That took long enough.

beautiful words Mike

The main reason is that if you're not happy with your life, or you feel you took a major wrong turn 30 years ago, it feel too late to do something about it.

otm, i really feel like my life is over

In an odd way I feel fortunate that I screwed up almost continually between 18 and 27. I spent my entire 30s feeling terrible, but now it feels like I got all of that out of the way early.

The main reason is that if you're not happy with your life, or you feel you took a major wrong turn 30 years ago, it feel too late to do something about it.

otm, i really feel like my life is over

― karl wallogina (Autumn Almanac), Sunday, July 1, 2018 8:45 AM (one hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

too real

Reality used to be a friend of mine.

Snoball I think you might be completely otm but I’m getting into a groove lately and don’t wanna count my chickens just yet

34 here but my life was way better 5 years ago. It’s been downhill since then. Despite having great friends and a music “career” nothing has really worked out. So I basically don’t care anymore. I’m healthier and looking better than ever. But meh. So where do you go from here?
H

So where do you go from here?

around the next curve. most lives have plenty of them.

Yeah

my forties were fucking heavy.
the biggest rollercoaster of my life.
already my 50s have proved to be interesting.
a few days before I turned 50 I was made redundant for the first time in my life.
and 6 months on, I have no desire to ever return to the full time/corp crap.
its been a lovely experience just being a stay at home dad, and stuff.
once the dad thing is over though I suspect things will be very different.
so, already my 50s is very very different to what my expectations were.

Maybe we're going to need a new thread for ILX'ers in their 50s.... Great to hear bits of everyone's stories. I'm 53. Between work and having twins at age 40, my 40s went by in a blur. Time has slowed down now that the kids are older and I feel like I've kinda figured out what I like and what I don't. Just more comfortable doing me. And there's still plenty left to accomplish. I'm lucky to be in a line of work that values experience & perspective so getting older actually opens up some opportunities.

we're going to need a new thread for ILX'ers in their 50s

Predictably, every ilx thread with a title containing the words "fifties" or "sixties" refer to either the 1950s or 1960s.

In my early 50s and I agree with everyone upthread that your 50s is qualitatively quite different from your 40s. In my 40s I felt in the midst of my life, I could still take major life-changing decisions in my stride like moving continents. Now, I'm more like, this is what I made of my life, I chose this pathway for good or ill, I'm stuck with it.

And then there's health. Ten years ago I felt in perfect health - now I sleep with a CPAP machine, I've got a dodgy knee that I'll probably have to live with for the rest of my life, I'm on a daily statin for my high cholesterol ... To get down to brutal brass tacks, I guess the fact that I'll eventually die felt more abstract in my 40s, and more real now.

Not long till I'm eligible for this thread and everyone's bailing on it? Story of my life.

My old life came to an end in my fifties. I was made redundant at 51, thus bringing a 28-year career to a close, as my senior technical IT skillset is no longer marketable. That was fine; I rarely enjoyed the work very much, and having just paid off the mortgage, my living costs were reduced. I look back on those 28 years as a means to an end - something I had to do, and that I'm glad to be done with. I make a far more modest living these days, but my job satisfaction and work ethic are massively higher.

Then, at 52, we left the city I had lived in for 34 years, and moved to a small town in a different part of the country, where we knew no-one. So I've basically had to re-invent myself. The first year was lonely and tough, but I forced myself to adapt, integrate and contribute, and I now love my new life.

and I now love my new life

this is heartening to hear, both as a positive example and also i'm glad you're doing well mike

This is a thread for ILXORS IN THEIR 50's

15 months I was at the best point in my adult life. I was doing what I loved, and generating a good income from it. I had no debt! Then I decided to try to make a good situation even better by adding drugs. That worked for about three months until the drugs took over. I had severe addiction issues in the past; I just thought I'd be able to manage it this time.

I went broke (and unemployed) last September. My life the last 9 months has been heavy, heavy going. But just last month I met a guy in AA, an extraordinarily kind, wise, thoughtful dude, and he's been coaching me into, hopefully, a better way to live. He's got me running around like a headless chicken, but it's working, I feel real hope, real joy. My whole fucking life has been bullshit basically, but maybe that can change. I'll do whatever. I'm 43 -- sorry for the lifestory I maybe needed to express this somewhere.

Thanks for that. I'm in a similar situation myself, been thinking about AA.

xp No, that's fair enough, 40s have a way of producing self-reflection.

I started mine at the start of 2015, in a protracted breakup with my ex-fiancée, and at the weekend I got affianced again. This seems ridiculously lucky - I was expecting a quiet life going to the pub and occasional movies, with some ILX elder statesmen (S's Mark & Martin) as role models.

Now I have to actually go out and get that blood test (for high blood pressure) that I was hoping to ignore for another few months.

fiancées will do that alright (grats)

Congrats YMOF.

ty ty.

Indeed, adding to that.

50 still a ways off but I'll hit three-quarters through my forties in two more months; as 50 is theoretically the earliest I could retire (not that I plan on it) I do see it as something I want to get through, if only because it opens up a few more general possibilities. But I'll enjoy the time I have now, of course.

retire?!

i'm 48 and i honestly can't see me being able to give up work for at least another 20 years ;_;

public servant fistbump

course the actuarial cut is swingeing

Just don’t retire from ilx, Ned

I was here the first day, think I'll be here when they finally turn out the lights.

;)

I don't know, man. I hoping ilxor can keep up and running until the inevitable message board revival of 2029. We'll all be like gods.

ilx will run longer than snl or the simpsons and will promote just as many arguments about when it turned to shite.

That's the site description right there!

“public servant fistbump” is a good username

Rather.

It's surreal to realize that I met some of you when I was in my late teens (in college) on the Fake Matador Bulletin Board, and I've been on here since...what, my early 20s? I'll probably die in the middle of an ILX post, and that thought doesn't really sadden me.

I was on FMBB but I dont remember anyone from here?!

In seven months, I'll be a member of this thread.

Morbz was on FMBB, so was Johnny Fever (right?)

I was as well (as Domino)

xp

https://i.imgur.com/20BpjIg.jpg

Is it common once you've reached your forties to basically no longer GAF about having reached your forties, because it's been a year and I'm basically just all like 'whatever, dude' about the whole thing. Maybe if I was like a skateboarder or something and started feeling my knees give out it would be a big deal, but I can still sit around and do nothing of consequence with just as much alacrity as I could in decades past.

I just started the last year of my 40s as of yesterday. ;_;

Is it common once you've reached your forties to basically no longer GAF about having reached your forties

it depends on your social life/lifestyle ... I'm about half way through my 40s and I generally don't GAF, but sometimes I'm out somewhere, and I'm talking to a friend or a member of the desired sex, and the fact that I am much older than that person, like, I got my driver's license the year they were born, or I could have gone to high school with their parents ... it can be a bit awkward

I turned 40 this year but I've been going grey since I was 15 so not much has changed from getting older.