Swiping people left and right: the Tinder/hook-up culture discussion

(b) I will have a higher likelihood of liking people who at least google him to discuss and aren't put off by his inclusion despite not knowing who he is

― Minister of the Pillow (fionnland)

one of my shocking old age discoveries is how utterly incurious most people are. it's a small minority who are going to actually bother to google something they don't know.

I wouldn't call them "rules" necessarily, or even dealbreakers (well, the trump and bitcoin ones are), just peeves really

oh, another one: judging by tinder, the distribution of americans is roughly 90% dog people and 10% cat people. (and I'm in the 10%)

I'm having mostly a fun time with Tinder this time around by not trying to seem cool...

Like I'm ok with just seeming like a bimbo with crimped hair. Sadly I'm getting way more matches this way :/

feel like I should tweak the bad pet stereotypes people recycle and just change my bio to CAT COMPANION AND PROUD and put only pictures of me with the cat

The guy I'm dating said he liked that I didn't have pictures of me and a dog so this annoyance is far reaching

i only put pictures of myself and my cat and/or my former foster dog but that's because it's a true reflection of me in that i love animals and have an annoying cat

My girlfriend first wrote to me to ask about a cat in one of my pictures. Two years ago :)

Going back a bit but — i’m not in the dating pool though I’m interested in the way it’s changed since I was. I bowed out years before swipe culture! One consistent aspect I guess that remains is anyone who sets rules for what type of person they’ll date is someone I’d avoid (obv some rules are ok, if they’re along the lines of “don’t be racist or psychotic” and so on.)

this thread is unrelated but I cannot describe the mind-numbingness of the unfunny-jokey-flirtiness of so many people on this better than "Dane Cook flirting with his teenage girlfriend on Instagram"

“wyd”

oh just reading all the comments Dane Cook leaves on his 19-year-old girlfriend’s instagrams pic.twitter.com/ilBDMpXD4y

— Lara Parker (@laraeparker) July 12, 2018

i agree with omar little. i do not have anything about who i won't date in my profiles, what a turn off. be a little open minded, ya fools.

i often come across profiles that are like, rants about women and being basic, and using filters, and UGH, no.

ALSO, Tinder is way more legit these day than Okcupid. I get way more creeps on the latter!

the latter is all but useless lately after the change to messaging

it's sooooooo bad now

katherine why did you have to link that

why did I have to click it

ahhhhh

last weekend a friend was questioning my judgment about a mutual friend who is late-30s dating someone who is about 21, which I find not great overall

my explanation was "ok, think back to when we were 21. did you have the friend who was dating someone nearly 40? and how did that go in the long term and what did you, 21 year old, think about the dude your friend was dating?"

and the reaction was "oh, noooooo"

when i was single and dating i would see a lot of "must have a full head of hair!" type comments, and i liked to imagine a crestfallen Statham closing a browser tab. since i don't have a full head of hair i regarded such comments with almost a sense of relief. thanks for letting me know up front!

however i really never read any ad w/any kind of similar rules regarding looks, race, weight, height, income etc coming from a person who otherwise seemed completely fine. those kinds of rules are never "ahh except for that he/she would be great", it's always a warning sign.

the height thing doesn't bother me too much, although I have often pondered what it'd be like to date a woman over six feet tall

I suppose modern dating, what with its attendant illusion of infinite choice, involves some degree of mutual commodification...so I don't begrudge any one having a superficial list of characteristics that either qualify or disqualify the endless parade of people you're supposed to "choose" from. Some kind of selection mechanism must be in place, and one is no less blunt and arbitrary than any other (in my opinion). But I think ultimately the removal of something like serendipity from the process makes finding actual romance seem like less and less of a real possibility. I guess you gotta know when to break your own rules.

feel like I should tweak the bad pet stereotypes people recycle and just change my bio to CAT COMPANION AND PROUD and put only pictures of me with the cat

brb, creating a dating profile that is only pictures of me with other peoples' cats

good concept

there should also be the implied threat that you will become the new best friend of any cat a prospective date may have

and on a related note: people who note that they are allergic to cats on their profiles are likely doing themselves a service.

still feel sorry for the poor woman who kept seeing me for a while despite her allergy. no matter how many times I took a shower and then put on clothes right out of the fresh laundry, I'd end up giving her hives by the end of the evening

apparently my body now produces cat dander on its own? idk

it can be done; the last person I was in a relationship with was very allergic to cats, but we just hung out at his (cat-free) place instead of mine

i had a date with a woman, she owned a cat. I had a lot of issues with allergies and it was getting a little tough on me, and then one time, i kissed her and my lips swelled up pretty quickly and she admitted kissing the cat on the top of the head earlier but she'd forgotten. i looked like someone trying to look like Mick Jagger and failing badly because they looked like they were having an allergic reaction.

i had to leave, but then called her from my place and swore to her that it would work out, i'd find a way to deal with it. I had to get allergy tested to determine what course to taken, then i received shots twice a week for months, then once a week, then once a month, etc. anyway i married her and lived with that cat til we had to put it down a couple years ago. i stopped with the shots after a few years because i grew used to her. I loved that cat.

Ah that is the positive boost I needed tonight Omar, thanks! :)

i'm a dander highwayman

omar! <3

awww <3

aw v cute story

ha i realize the post sounds like i started with the shots after the first date, but it was 7 or 8 months into things. i was trying to hide it, saying it just gave me red eyes and congestion once in awhile, since i liked her a lot. but the lips, jeez. no hiding that.

heh, that's amazing omar. did not expect that to have a happy ending

I am glad it worked out!

congrats to everyone who actually made these apps work, i thought it did for me once or twice but it ofc didn't. that said, and not trying to brag but i am now killing it more on the online thing than i ever have, probably because i went in not caring at all? of course that would happen though. also what is the new change on messaging on okcupid? seems it's gotten more tinderlike but it has way less activity nowadays as far as i tell. i remember for awhile it was a thing to get a few paragraphs of chatter or vice versa but that's changed, more a couple one-liners. it's obviously something in the mechanics of the site. do you have to match to message or something?

i've also found most people i'm 99% match with i don't have any feeling for, maybe because i don't answer any of the sex quiz questions and leave out any of the more fucked-up shit i've experienced? i find you can infer that kinda stuff better with tinder

Is okcupid where you've been having all your success?

i am now killing it more on the online thing than i ever have,
i am now killing it more on the online thing than i ever have,
i am now killing it more on the online thing than i ever have,
i am now killing it more on the online thing than i ever have,
i am now killing it more on the online thing than i ever have,

much respect global!

okc did make some changes last year that made it more tinder-like. you can't just message someone. you have to have a mutual swipe first. or you can send a message with a like/swipe and hope they see it.

that’s probably a good change, i also noticed that tinder and hinge conspicuously do not allow you to send pictures in DM, i can only manage the horror if that weren’t the case. weirdly i’m doing the best on tinder, although that’s practically just a video game, it’s so low stakes. in terms of meeting people okc is still best

A belated ‘aw’ at omar!

the height thing doesn't bother me too much, although I have often pondered what it'd be like to date a woman over six feet tall

I dated a woman who lied about her height on OKC - she was 6'1" but said 5'11" because she would get almost no messages/responses telling the truth.

don't tell anyone but i just joined tinder. i feel a mixture of excitement and shame

re: height, I'm only about 5'7" so when I was using Tinder I noted that I wasn't super tall cause I know a lot of people are really hung up on that sort of thing (personally I don't care at all either way)

went on an actual tinder date, still feel sense of excitement and shame

where does it say height on Tinder? There doesn't seem to be much details of anything at all beyond photos and the odd sentence of explanatory text?

ad hoc explanatory text standards

yeah, some woman have either "i am very tall in case that's a problem" or "sorry but i don't tend to be attracted to men shorter than me (5'8")" etc.

and some men are like "i am 5'6" in case that's an issue"

as a 6'2" cishet dude i have always been supportive of women not liking short dudes (。^_・)ノ

don't really mind the height advisories or umm requirements i guess. went on one date with a girl i thought might be tall-ish from her photos. she ended up being probably about 6' and i'm all of 5'9" in shoes. i could see her face sort of fall when i walked into the restaurant. :-/

this might be a regional thing but i see A LOT of bottle-blonde stepford types who prominently advertise their CHRISTIANITY and who are insistent about men being over 6'. like what kind of crypto-fascist super soldiers are you looking to spawn, Madison?

loooooool

the height thing is something I've never understood in general as a criterion, I only mind it when it is the only thing someone mentions. I realize it is very much a buyer's market for men and they can get away with not saying anything, but still

I'm 5'9 and always put that in my bio since it's right on the bubble for some women--and then always feel sheepish when I see women's profiles making fun of men for disclosing their height...