Why do people leave ILX for good?

others did too i think. he also gets yelled at like 400 times a day by different people for different reasons

because it's easier for you to stop caring then for them to stop throwing bombs. I mean of course they are the ones who should change their behavior...but while we're waiting on that happening, why not try to find a way to defuse the bombs.

you cant control the discussion on that thread or any thread even if you have written an item that prompted discussion there

you may have some limited control through modding around what ppl post about you, obv this is hazy and if the inference us "does a music writer have control over discussion of their writing on ilm" i think the answer there is a clear 'no'. and i dont think this is in any way the same thing as bringing posters celebrity or personal lives into ilx discussion.

you can engage with the discussion and make yr point or you can disengage

i think thats about it for constructive options

I'm not going to stop caring about whether people are upset with me. there are words for people who don't care whether they upset, harm, inconvenience, exasperate, etc. other people, and those words include "asshole" and "sociopath"

Stripped down and simply put, we only have control over ourselves and our own actions. Take care of yourself first and worry about the external 'shoulds' later.

(that was not directed at anybody in particular, just the general concept of someone who doesn't care whether they upset people)

This sure is a lot to come out of Soto's pathological habit of linking his every offsite thought to ILX

haha

xp you did not upset anyone

I think that ppl trying to advise you itt because you seem to be taking more from this than is wise should not be mistaken for ppl who agree that you should have control over what ppl say to you on ilm

there's a LOT of space in between sociopath and extremely thin-skinned. At the risk of making you even more upset and self-critical than you are already, I'd say you could stand to swing away from the thin-skinned end of the spectrum. It's good to care, it's good to consider how you're affecting other people and how they view you. But too much of a good thing...

also everyone on that thread is like 30 or something they can stand to hear someone saying something critical about a thing they like

treeship u have no concept of 30 u whippersnapper

also everyone on that thread is like 30 or something they can stand to hear someone saying something critical about a thing they like

but... doesn't that... go both ways

I don't understand what you mean but I value your opinion and am truly sorry if I upset you over this

i mean, saying the lyrics of a song are shallow is different than telling a poster that they, personally, are a troll

xp

not that calling someone a troll is truly *that* out of line, but it bothered katherine, and it was a kind of sideswipping kind of way to deal with someone's commentary

I mean if we're being really honest I'm more concerned with my stance on the song being "insane"

This sure is a lot to come out of Soto's pathological habit of linking his every offsite thought to ILX

― 5th Ward Weeaboo (Whiney G. Weingarten)

I have some thoughts on the matter.

I’m not really involved in this though and should bow out—i’ve got a thing where i vocalize too many of my opinions

(and that isn't to be like "OMG YOU SAID AN ABLEIST THING" -- although sure, it'd be great if people would not do that -- and more that this is a fundamental, core part of how I engage with music, writing, or any other piece of art)

calling someone a troll is a very nothing event in ilm or ilx or anywhere else tbh

im sorry that you feel otherwise katherine, but

in virtually every forum I have ever participated in, not to mention the current discourse about twitter trolls, calling someone a troll is saying that they are doing something just to upset people and that in an ideal world they should be banned, silenced, or ignored.

i immediately corrected & said to read that post as 'makes me feel insane'

but even in its original form that phrasing is mere message board hyperbole, obviously i don't literally feel insane nor do i think you are insane

ironically the exact thing i was protesting was the kind of literalism that insists a song's lyrics can only ever be interpreted as endorsing the thing they say

except that isn't what I did at all, my argument was more along the lines of "it is very difficult to make a war movie that doesn't inadvertently glorify war, and even if you do, don't be surprised if people don't like or want to watch it based on their experiences with war"

this is the *idea* that you argued I was critical of, which again, was an idea, not you personally

anyway i don't think this conversation is at all helpful, at the risk of 'throwing bombs' there's a lot of unhelpful "man up" type advice being thrown her way but i think justin3's pt is fair...this convo should probably just end i think we've wrung enough faux drama from this stone! its also being blown out of proportion bc bored office workers on ilx need something to do

except that isn't what I did at all, my argument was more along the lines of "it is very difficult to make a war movie that doesn't inadvertently glorify war, and even if you do, don't be surprised if people don't like or want to watch it based on their experiences with war"

― aloha darkness my old friend (katherine), Friday, August 17, 2018 12:57 PM (twenty-eight seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

well i dont disagree w this point so it sounds like it's largely a misunderstanding of each other's position

or as a great artist once said, hardening positions based on miscommunication

i def ain’t got shit to do today in the office

katherine you didn't 'upset' me, i am more extremely confused as to what outcome might satisfy you here. the best way to get people to stop talking is to not respond! which sucks but that's asynchronous communication for you. as for other outcomes, we can't go back in time and excise the word 'troll' and its variants from earlier posts (although rereading makes one realize that despite k3vin's post, multiple people said explicitly they were not referring to you as a "troll" and were affording you a respect far apart from that thread's no. 1 menace – this was even before everything blew up.

it's hard having your work in the public eye, but saying "whatever, difference of opinion" and moving on is the only way to go when you're dealing with lower-stakes stuff like message board posts (obviously increased threats to your personhood etc are different – and before you object and say this is among them, i seriously doubt that anyone with one of the dwindling editorial jobs out there marked your name down as a result of an argument on a - let's be honest - dwindling message board). saying "i don't want to discuss this" and then spending hours of your day doing exactly that is extremely counterproductive for everyone, but ESPECIALLY for you, because it just winds up being a lot of wasted energy. unless you have, like i said above, a desired result here? if so, what is it?

xp

yeah the people offering advice are the unhelpful ones, not the twats who made her upset in the 1st place

i’ve got a thing where i vocalize too many of my opinions

― Trϵϵship, 17. august 2018 19:52 (six minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

New board description

yeah the people offering advice are the unhelpful ones, not the twats who made her upset in the 1st place

― A True White Kid that can Jump (Granny Dainger), Friday, August 17, 2018 1:03 PM (one minute ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

accreate

I know I can be a twat here but man you take the cake, hats off to ya

I mean, I stopped responding for several hours when I fell asleep, and that did not get people to stop talking because when I woke up it was still going. someone posted 15 minutes ago to keep it going, without any prompting from me.

(and I realize that people told them that post was counterproductive, but it still happened)

its bc ppl are bored and love drama & we made things temporarily interesting for them but now its run its course, imho

as far as the desired outcome, this may be impossible, but that it doesn't affect my life going forward (this isn't just about people here -- a desired outcome, for instance, is that my boss does not fire me for being visibly upset at my desk for over five hours).

the other is that if someone is a stan of a band that they do not engage with me over that band, unless I engage with them first. posting on a different website doesn't count as engaging and it most definitely does not count as trolling.

oh, I guess another thing I wish wouldn't happen is the non-accusation accusation, the "I don't think you're doing this, but this JUST HAPPENS to remind me of something people do that I think is bad/morally bankrupt/etc. Of course I don't think you're doing this, but I just had to bring it up anyway!"

are you sure you want this to stop

I mean, I'm going to have to actively worry about it for at least this weekend, for reasons I don't really want to get into

I do not think anyone is "a pathetic asshole" based on posts on this board.

― aloha darkness my old friend (katherine), Saturday, August 18, 2018 3:01 AM (fifty-four minutes ago)

not enough time on ilx imo

I used to like browsing ilxor. I still do but I used to as well.

i'm not drinking anymore...but i'm not drinking any less

anyway, katherine, justine is otm here (also Granny and maura) - hope you can go and sit in the sun in a park with an IRL person, or pat a wandering cat, or something, and try and gradually let this recede. but pouring more words into this dumb white box is really not going to help the situation you fear or your perspective on it.

asking deej to disengage in an ilx music-argument-turned-moratorium-on-identity has worked in the past. but only twice so far, out of 976 cases.

speaking of insane its wild how im now ilx's bad apple lmfao remember when me jordan & kevin keller were accused of having 'no personality'

there hasn't even been any direct bullying in this entire ordeal, old ilx would have eaten this alive but nu ilx sternly reprimands three what were for most of its history relatively innocuous posters

if it bother you

you should atop being a shit

You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain

I don't recall ever saying anyone had "no personality"?

there was a whole chaki thread about it