Are You Fine?

i just read a passage in chekhov's gooseberries that kind of touches on what it means to feel fine. might as well post it on the internet!!!!

"I saw a happy man whose cherished dream was so obviously fulfilled, who had attained his object in life, who had gained what he wanted, who was satisfied with his fate and himself. There is always, for some reason, an element of sadness mingled with my thoughts of human happiness, and, on this occasion, at the sight of a happy man I was overcome by an oppressive feeling that was close upon despair. It was particularly oppressive at night. A bed was made up for me in the room next to my brother's bedroom, and I could hear that he was awake, and that he kept getting up and going to the plate of gooseberries and taking one. I reflected how many satisfied, happy people there really are! 'What a suffocating force it is! You look at life: the insolence and idleness of the strong, the ignorance and brutishness of the weak, incredible poverty all about us, overcrowding, degeneration, drunkenness, hypocrisy, lying. . . . Yet all is calm and stillness in the houses and in the streets; of the fifty thousand living in a town, there is not one who would cry out, who would give vent to his indignation aloud. We see the people going to market for provisions, eating by day, sleeping by night, talking their silly nonsense, getting married, growing old, serenely escorting their dead to the cemetery; but we do not see and we do not hear those who suffer, and what is terrible in life goes on somewhere behind the scenes. . . . Everything is quiet and peaceful, and nothing protests but mute statistics: so many people gone out of their minds, so many gallons of vodka drunk, so many children dead from malnutrition. . . . And this order of things is evidently necessary; evidently the happy man only feels at ease because the unhappy bear their burdens in silence, and without that silence happiness would be impossible. It's a case of general hypnotism. There ought to be behind the door of every happy, contented man some one standing with a hammer continually reminding him with a tap that there are unhappy people; that however happy he may be, life will show him her laws sooner or later, trouble will come for him -- disease, poverty, losses, and no one will see or hear, just as now he neither sees nor hears others. But there is no man with a hammer; the happy man lives at his ease, and trivial daily cares faintly agitate him like the wind in the aspen-tree -- and all goes well.

"That night I realized that I, too, was happy and contented," Ivan Ivanovitch went on, getting up. "I, too, at dinner and at the hunt liked to lay down the law on life and religion, and the way to manage the peasantry. I, too, used to say that science was light, that culture was essential, but for the simple people reading and writing was enough for the time. Freedom is a blessing, I used to say; we can no more do without it than without air, but we must wait a little. Yes, I used to talk like that, and now I ask, 'For what reason are we to wait?' " asked Ivan Ivanovitch, looking angrily at Burkin. "Why wait, I ask you? What grounds have we for waiting? I shall be told, it can't be done all at once; every idea takes shape in life gradually, in its due time. But who is it says that? Where is the proof that it's right? You will fall back upon the natural order of things, the uniformity of phenomena; but is there order and uniformity in the fact that I, a living, thinking man, stand over a chasm and wait for it to close of itself, or to fill up with mud at the very time when perhaps I might leap over it or build a bridge across it? And again, wait for the sake of what? Wait till there's no strength to live? And meanwhile one must live, and one wants to live!

"I went away from my brother's early in the morning, and ever since then it has been unbearable for me to be in town. I am oppressed by its peace and quiet; I am afraid to look at the windows, for there is no spectacle more painful to me now than the sight of a happy family sitting round the table drinking tea. I am old and am not fit for the struggle; I am not even capable of hatred; I can only grieve inwardly, feel irritated and vexed; but at night my head is hot from the rush of ideas, and I cannot sleep. . . . Ah, if I were young!"

Ivan Ivanovitch walked backwards and forwards in excitement, and repeated: "If I were young!"

I mean, I'm sitting here in a deluxe office building in the sky, sippin' some coffee and noddin' my head to a little Alice Coltrate while I simultaneously hold down a job and post on a message board, the sun is shining, the birds are presumably singing although I can't hear to confirm, I'm fed and clothed and bathed and have a home to return to after I punch out at the end of a long day. My life is positively paradisal in comparison to millions of other people who've existed throughout history. How could I not be fine? How am I not fine? What is wrong with me that I'm not fine? So many questions, so few answers. But it's fine, really. Look at me. Don't I look fine? Okay, forget how I look. I'm telling you: I'm fiiiiiiiiiiiine.

I don't know who Alice Coltrate is.

but the primary reason I am not fine is that at a certain point in the past decade (I'm not sure when exactly the point happened, or if it was a single point at all; there were certainly areas of concentration) I passed the point where I could no longer succeed in life and would now be a failure permanently, and there are so many decades to endure in that state that I would prefer not to. this is not the same thing as being suicidal -- I just want to stress that up front -- just an acknowledgement that for the next several decades there is nothing there for me.

there's also a generational counterpart to it as well, in that my generation has been derailed to the point of permanent failure. and there is no path in sight to un-derailment, no matter how many republicans crow about how the economy is great now (it is not great now).

That is a wonderful Chekhov passage, KM.

I guess one way to explain things is that I always carry a hammer and I compulsively strike it against my head a few times a day. On a certain level it makes me feel un-fine but on another level I think it's probably a sign that I'm more fine than I'd like to admit.

like this is the millennial cliche or whatever but there is something deeply existentially depressing about the fact that I'll most likely never be able to live by myself, let alone own a house or have children or any of the baseline milestone markers of non-failure that were instilled in me

Those things are true and will probably continue to be true for me except that I'm like a generation older than the millennial generation. But it's fine. I'm fine. This is all very fine, indeed.

It's kinda cool how people's expectations tend to slough off after a point. Like I can't even remember the last time my mom made an oblique reference to any theoretical kids that I will almost certainly not be fathering at this late stage. It's fine!

I didn't really turn "fine" until I learned how to accept that I was highly imperfect and I'll stay that way no matter what. Just getting through the day without major mishaps is as high as my ambition reaches these days.

I don't know who Alice Coltrate is.

The Yoko Oto of Jazz iirc

It's kinda cool how people's expectations tend to slough off after a point.

the entire problem is that mine don't

yeah, same

I have this high level of anxiety that keeps me motivated and working on projects and thinking, hey, I could still achieve one or more of those lofty dreams I have, sure, why not, but at the same time I have gotten much better at accepting that maybe I will actually just wind up continuing to work a series of boring jobs until I retire with nowhere near enough money to live off of. And that's fine.

Like my wants aren't quite so driven by expectation anymore.

"Don't worry about me. Are you okay?"

All. The. Time.

― I Never Promised You A Hose Harden (Eric H.)

This is the correct answer, because you are other people.

Anyone trying to tell you you're your own person is probably trying to sell you something.

I am finally fine after the worst 8 month period of my life. But I'm now at peace, can breathe, feels good

This is the correct answer, because you are other people.

you think you're you. you don't know who you are. you're not you. you're everyone else

<3 rvw

best to you BN, you are a great presence here

everyone posting itt is a great presence, i guess all of the shitheads are fine lol

Had a very tough year work-wise where I definitely wasn't fine for about 6 months or so, but somehow coped with it. Mainly by just keeping going without self-destructing or giving up - and I sought outside help.

As a result, I'm more confident now in my ability to deal with things when I'm not fine.

I sought outside help

i def need to do this even though i can't really afford to

F.I.N.E. / Aerosmith

Hot wax drippin'
Honey what do you say
I got a brand new record
That I gotta play
She says not now boy
But I did anyway
'Cause I'm ready, so ready
Lip smackin' paddy wackin'
Walkin' the street
I got a rag top chevy
Now I'm back on my feet
I get an EMHO woody
When I sit in the seat
'Cause I'm ready, so ready, yeah
I got a girlfriend with the hoochy-coochy eyes
'Cause in the pink she look so fine
She got the cracker jack now all I wants the prize, honey heh heh heh
I know these hookers down on forty-second street, but
Ill-gotten booty's not my style
I'll take a rain check 'til I get back on my feet, honey heh heh yeah
'Cause I'm
Alright

Whip crackin' floozy
Way outta control
She got a new kinda jelly
In her jelly roll
I got the right key baby
But the wrong keyhole
And I'm ready, so ready
I'm a red hot pistol
And I'm ready to fight
I'm a thirty eight special
On a Saturday night
I'm gonna kiss your boo-boo honey
Make it alright
'Cause I'm ready, so ready ooh

I got a cruiser with a bimbo on the dash
It kinda keeps my ass in line
One little french kiss honey that's my kinda trash, yeah
My brand new baby's lookin F-I-N-E, fine
The sun is shinin' every day
Ain't got no rubbers now it's rainin all the time, honey
But I'm
Alright

I feel like I'm hung up on the line
I'd die for you but we were partners in the crime
Everything about you is so F-I-N-E, fine
Let's put our clothes back on
And by the way girl
What's your name again, uh huh
Alright

Pitched my tent
In the pouring rain
I got a back seat lover
That's callin' my name
She gonna blow my cover
She's hot as a flame
But I'm ready, so ready, ow
I shove my tongue
Right between your cheeks
I haven't made love now
For twenty-five weeks
I hear that you're so tight
Your lovin' squeaks
And I'm ready, so ready
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

Tie yourself to the mast, my friend, and the storm will end

have not been fine since june but hoping to get back there this fall

often "i'm fine" is just a way of getting ppl to leave you alone, the most basic display of etiquette (in the "doing what somebody else wants as if you wanted to do it" sense)

as a dismissal of the interior and personal to reassure the public it's hard to beat. "everything's fine" is so ripe w irony, quelle chris & jean grae put out a record w that title this year and my friend socrates wrote a book by that title a few years back. it's quite "no surprises" but it's def a big mood rn

anyway I don't think "i'm fine" means much until it's not true

"I can't deny I'm paralysed from the inside
Everyday I wake to feel the same
And every time you ask me how I'm feeling
I just smile and tell you that I'm fine"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYcp1bUb4lU

recently obsessed with this Hazel English song, probably the most familiar encapsulation of what depression/anxiety actually feels like on an everyday level

I remember how you loved me
time was all we had until the day we said goodbye
and i remember EVERY MOMENT...

need another category for "I'm fine thanks to anti-anxiety meds"

yeah those help a lot but mostly to turn "complete and abject panic" to "dissatisfaction with my life." symptom not problem, not that I enjoy having the symptom around

yeah, I suppose ymmv, but I'm better off

I know you fine, but how you doin

are you fine? because you are a penalty imposed by judicial process upon a miscreant in the form of a financial transaction to their relative disadvantage

Lol

i drank from the fountains

^ fun fact, my 7th grade history teacher, accompanied by my middle school band director, played that song as the faculty act in the talent show one year.

two girls at my school preformed it at the talent show -- two years in a row

fine atm, food drop today - beer in the fridge. i'm a low stakes person when it comes to what makes my day alright

tomorrow who knows.

Is "fine" the only word that is used almost exclusively to mean something other than its actual primary definition?

White lies in general depend on saying something one does not genuinely think true.

Fucked Up
Insecure
Neurotic
Emotional

(thanks rehab)

surprised at how many people are registering as fine

It's an automatic response. How am I? I am fine. (Narrator: He wasn't fine.)

right i guess that’s already been discussed

The only ilxor who actually seems to be doing fine is darraghmac

he’s fine like when uk people say the weather is fine, i think

It's like there's this veneer over everything that looks and seems mostly fine but seemingly insignificant things will disturb the veneer and make it briefly billow up and I catch a glimpse underneath and hoo boy is it ever a mess under there, and the disturbance when it occurs reminds me of just how thin a sheath there is between fine and not fine, how fragile that membrane and how easily it can get shifted out of place or possibly torn away altogether. But then I calm down and breathe and remember that I'm being perhaps a tad melodramatic and overusing purple prose to describe relatively prosaic phenomena and I kinda shake my head and chuckle at the sweet sad folly of humankind and then the veneer flaps out madly and a pair of razor-sharp teeth sink into the back of my neck and drag me into the howling void beyond.

Just joshin'. But it feels like that could be a thing, sometimes. But no, really, I'm fine. Thank you for asking.

lol

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Xi8NvSetZc

I was such a stan for that song when it came out and so sure she was gonna be a big star. I'm sure my friends at the time did not think I was fine.

just listened to the matt mcconaughey episode of maron, so to quote the man himself and borrow his legendary turn of phrase: "I am fine."

i'm fine. don't want to be at work tho

congrats on the new job brimstead

I just ctrl-fed "foine" and decided I need new jokes

There are plenty of dad jokes available, guaranteed to be endlessly recyclable.

Hungover on my day off...getting really tired of losing time / days to sleep when I could be enjoying my time off. Also left a wheel of brie on the counter overnight

ty map <3

glad to be (virtually) around all you fine folks in this fucked up time <3