Replace "whether one says something" with "whether someone else says something". Does your posit still sound valid to you? I don't know how many times I can say the fact (and it is a fact) that it is much easier to control your reaction to others' behavior than it is to control others' behavior.
― A True White Kid that can Jump (Granny Dainger), Friday, 21 September 2018 00:21 (five years ago) link
that's the equivalent of saying "sure, it's easier to control your reaction to being shot with an AK-47 to whether you are shot with an AK-47" but it seems like the burden is more on the person shooting the gun
― aloha darkness my old friend (katherine), Friday, 21 September 2018 00:22 (five years ago) link
“right, but even among non-friends there is a general expectation of civility” - sure but that isn’t true of the internet
― Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Friday, 21 September 2018 00:23 (five years ago) link
(not to literally compare this to that, it was just the first analogy that came to mind, replace "being pelted with Nickelodeon slime" or something if you want)
― aloha darkness my old friend (katherine), Friday, 21 September 2018 00:23 (five years ago) link
Paul McCartney has a tiny dick
― fuck the NRA (Neanderthal), Friday, 21 September 2018 00:24 (five years ago) link
yes, and there is approximately a Library of Congress's worth of books, articles, studies, etc. -- all of which are generally agreed upon, to the point of being commonly accepted knowledge -- that this is a problem with the Internet and it would be better if there were, in fact, that expectation
― aloha darkness my old friend (katherine), Friday, 21 September 2018 00:24 (five years ago) link
Now replace "prefer others not to" with "expect or demand others not to"
― A True White Kid that can Jump (Granny Dainger), Friday, 21 September 2018 00:24 (five years ago) link
Shit rong thrread
nickelodeon is for idiots
― imago, Friday, 21 September 2018 00:24 (five years ago) link
;)
I think it's entirely reasonable to expect or demand that people not be outright hostile. It's an expectation I hold myself to as well.
you should probably quit ILX
― the late great, Friday, 21 September 2018 00:25 (five years ago) link
X-post - I wish it were too but the reality is that it’s not so you have to learn how to cope with that.
― Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Friday, 21 September 2018 00:25 (five years ago) link
I think the internet and its unfortunately lower current standards of civility is one bell that can’t be unrung so to speak.
― omar little, Friday, 21 September 2018 00:25 (five years ago) link
If only Turrican was still here to debate this.
― Zach Same (Tom D.), Friday, 21 September 2018 00:26 (five years ago) link
― the late great, Thursday, September 20, 2018 8:25 PM (twenty-seven seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
again, why is the burden on me to leave a community where I enjoy discussing music and other topics, when I haven't done anything to be hostile to others (and if I have here, I apologize, it wasn't intentional, and I will try my hardest not to do it again)
― aloha darkness my old friend (katherine), Friday, 21 September 2018 00:26 (five years ago) link
because you're the one not enjoying it?
― the late great, Friday, 21 September 2018 00:26 (five years ago) link
tlg walking that fine fine line between hardass realtalk and being a total jerk tbf
― imago, Friday, 21 September 2018 00:26 (five years ago) link
but there is a very simple way to make it enjoyable and that is not to post things with that level of outright hostility
― aloha darkness my old friend (katherine), Friday, 21 September 2018 00:27 (five years ago) link
Look I'm very sorry I said you're fucking insane. You are exasperating though, and I have called loved ones "crazy" "nuts" etc when in argument. Or when not in an argument! It's not meant literally. However if I'm being honest you do seem to be hypersensitive to an unhealthy degree.
― A True White Kid that can Jump (Granny Dainger), Friday, 21 September 2018 00:27 (five years ago) link
like, even if we're talking "internet culture" or whatever, one of the most broadly accepted/memetic/whatever conceptualizations/"rules" if you want to call it that for internet etiquette is "don't be a dick." not "don't get upset if someone is a dick to you." it's "don't be a dick."
― aloha darkness my old friend (katherine), Friday, 21 September 2018 00:28 (five years ago) link
so ... the simple thing is that everyone change what they're doing to accommodate you?
― the late great, Friday, 21 September 2018 00:28 (five years ago) link
not just to accommodate me, but to accommodate everybody else in general, most of whom I assume don't want to be on the receiving end of hostility
― aloha darkness my old friend (katherine), Friday, 21 September 2018 00:29 (five years ago) link
i think everyone is fine, tbh
― the late great, Friday, 21 September 2018 00:29 (five years ago) link
Katherine I hope it was clear that I meant that I also wish ppl were civil online as well as irl but it’s just not the case. I’ve cried many times over dickish things people have saidto me here but eventually I just stopped caring and realized none of it really matters and ppl who are dicks online are probably spineless loser shitheads irl so fuck them.
― Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Friday, 21 September 2018 00:29 (five years ago) link
You never apologized for saying you were shouted at when that never happened. Maybe cause you're focused on how badly you're mistreated.
― A True White Kid that can Jump (Granny Dainger), Friday, 21 September 2018 00:30 (five years ago) link
eventually I just stopped caring and realized none of it really matters and ppl who are dicks online are probably spineless loser shitheads irl so fuck them.
― Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Thursday, September 20, 2018 8:29 PM (eleven seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
I mean, I can't just assume that. like I've said before, I know a great deal of people here in real life, in some cases work with them, in some cases am literally in the same room as them for extended periods of time
― aloha darkness my old friend (katherine), Friday, 21 September 2018 00:30 (five years ago) link
'everyone' isn't calling her insane and telling her to quit
― reggae mike love (polyphonic), Friday, 21 September 2018 00:30 (five years ago) link
imago you should apologize to tlg for that comment imo. he is being completely fair and frank in as far as i can tell a v genuine attempt to help here.
granny d also
― Dmac TT (darraghmac), Friday, 21 September 2018 00:31 (five years ago) link
― A True White Kid that can Jump (Granny Dainger), Thursday, September 20, 2018 8:30 PM (twenty seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
in that case I apologize, but I did perceive it as being "shouted," both because of the perceived tone, and because it was one of a cluster of posts on this same subject, and one in a pattern of similar posts on the same subject, all of which essentially told people they were analogous to "terrorist fist jab"/QAnon conspiracyc theorists during each successive instance of federal government officials doing nazi dog-whistling
― aloha darkness my old friend (katherine), Friday, 21 September 2018 00:31 (five years ago) link
Ok admittedly I do inderstand how that adds extra layers if someone was truly unreasonably mean. It’s definitely a tricky situation. Other than try not to care as much and hopefully people will also start being nicer there isn’t really a good answer. :/
― Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Friday, 21 September 2018 00:33 (five years ago) link
This is what I was talking about with "life is unfair" comment which I felt DC misinterpreted.
― A True White Kid that can Jump (Granny Dainger), Friday, 21 September 2018 00:33 (five years ago) link
A reverse taco
― He said captain, I said wot (FlopsyDuck), Friday, 21 September 2018 00:33 (five years ago) link
(but that said, on the hostility scale where 0 is neutral and 10 is graphic death threats, saying someone is "shouting at" someone is a 1, at best, whereas the posts I had mentioned are more like... 3-5 range.)
― aloha darkness my old friend (katherine), Friday, 21 September 2018 00:34 (five years ago) link
I think the trickiest part is that people really do have wildly different ideas of what being mean is and that’s ESPECIALLY true online.
― Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Friday, 21 September 2018 00:34 (five years ago) link
...is a terrible idea
― He said captain, I said wot (FlopsyDuck), Friday, 21 September 2018 00:34 (five years ago) link
If someone says something you don't like on ILX, you have the option of flagging their post or addressing the problem directly with the poster in question. If you feel that someone is being abusive, you have the option of alerting a mod to the behavior in question. Beyond that, you have no real recourse for controlling another poster's posts. As is true in the wider world, we may wish for others to be more civil or more polite or kinder but we have no control over that. We have control only over our own actions, our own words. We can choose to grouse or to retaliate or to 'be the change' or to disengage entirely. The choice is up to each of us, and no other poster can control our posts beyond the methods outlined above. It's a pretty decent system, all told. Maybe not everything you might wish for, but it's about as good as it gets in this life, and especially on the internet.
― I Don't Have Any Ears, I Am Positive (Old Lunch), Friday, 21 September 2018 00:34 (five years ago) link
Sorry, sorry: namaste.
I know that's how you perceived it. Which is why I feel comfortable saying you are hypersensitive.
― A True White Kid that can Jump (Granny Dainger), Friday, 21 September 2018 00:35 (five years ago) link
― Dmac TT (darraghmac), Friday, 21 September 2018 00:31 (forty-five seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
oh i agree with what he's saying but the way he's saying it is a little unnecessarily strong at points? but yeah soz 'jerk' was in turn unnecessary
― imago, Friday, 21 September 2018 00:36 (five years ago) link
he can take it tho
― imago, Friday, 21 September 2018 00:37 (five years ago) link
If someone says something you don't like on ILX, you have the option of flagging their post
does absolutely nothing, is just a "vote to be banned forever" button
or addressing the problem directly with the poster in question.
this is what I've been trying to do all afternoon and it hasn't helped
― aloha darkness my old friend (katherine), Friday, 21 September 2018 00:37 (five years ago) link
"being hypersensitive in this conversation" and "are hypersensitive" are two different things
― reggae mike love (polyphonic), Friday, 21 September 2018 00:37 (five years ago) link
I'll make a pledge to not be "hostile" or mean to you if you can make a pledge to try not to give a solitary fuck about a friggin mag board. Peace.
― A True White Kid that can Jump (Granny Dainger), Friday, 21 September 2018 00:38 (five years ago) link
They're not banned forever. More's the pity.
― Zach Same (Tom D.), Friday, 21 September 2018 00:38 (five years ago) link
― aloha darkness my old friend (katherine), Thursday, September 20, 2018 8:37 PM (fifteen seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
i don't have time to draw you a flowchart but the next arrow would point to the "disengage entirely" box
― call all destroyer, Friday, 21 September 2018 00:39 (five years ago) link
The DENNIS system of ilx
― faculty w1fe (silby), Friday, 21 September 2018 00:40 (five years ago) link
I mean, again, these are people I know and interact with in real life. It seems both reasonable and entirely in keeping with human nature that I should care about their thoughts. everyone else is still a person that I might encounter at some point in some other setting, so again, it seems reasonable and in keeping with human nature that I care about their thoughts. and even if there were somehow a guarantee that I would never encounter someone at all, ever, outside here -- which there isn't -- the person is still a person. being online doesn't remove their humanity. I could understand not caring if it were, like, a Twitter bot that randomly generated insults with no more opinion than a RNG has about any individual number it spits out. but they're people, and their opinions come from an actual place, and are not temporary.
― aloha darkness my old friend (katherine), Friday, 21 September 2018 00:40 (five years ago) link
Still don’t get what is so hard about not looking at a thread
― flappy bird, Friday, 21 September 2018 00:41 (five years ago) link
the same thing that's so hard about not being hostile things
― aloha darkness my old friend (katherine), Friday, 21 September 2018 00:41 (five years ago) link