Posts you had second thought about and decided not to post - put them here

I think it's entirely reasonable to expect or demand that people not be outright hostile. It's an expectation I hold myself to as well.

you should probably quit ILX

X-post - I wish it were too but the reality is that it’s not so you have to learn how to cope with that.

I think the internet and its unfortunately lower current standards of civility is one bell that can’t be unrung so to speak.

Paul McCartney has a tiny dick

If only Turrican was still here to debate this.

you should probably quit ILX

― the late great, Thursday, September 20, 2018 8:25 PM (twenty-seven seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

again, why is the burden on me to leave a community where I enjoy discussing music and other topics, when I haven't done anything to be hostile to others (and if I have here, I apologize, it wasn't intentional, and I will try my hardest not to do it again)

because you're the one not enjoying it?

tlg walking that fine fine line between hardass realtalk and being a total jerk tbf

but there is a very simple way to make it enjoyable and that is not to post things with that level of outright hostility

Look I'm very sorry I said you're fucking insane. You are exasperating though, and I have called loved ones "crazy" "nuts" etc when in argument. Or when not in an argument! It's not meant literally. However if I'm being honest you do seem to be hypersensitive to an unhealthy degree.

like, even if we're talking "internet culture" or whatever, one of the most broadly accepted/memetic/whatever conceptualizations/"rules" if you want to call it that for internet etiquette is "don't be a dick." not "don't get upset if someone is a dick to you." it's "don't be a dick."

but there is a very simple way to make it enjoyable and that is not to post things with that level of outright hostility

so ... the simple thing is that everyone change what they're doing to accommodate you?

not just to accommodate me, but to accommodate everybody else in general, most of whom I assume don't want to be on the receiving end of hostility

i think everyone is fine, tbh

Katherine I hope it was clear that I meant that I also wish ppl were civil online as well as irl but it’s just not the case. I’ve cried many times over dickish things people have said
to me here but eventually I just stopped caring and realized none of it really matters and ppl who are dicks online are probably spineless loser shitheads irl so fuck them.

You never apologized for saying you were shouted at when that never happened. Maybe cause you're focused on how badly you're mistreated.

eventually I just stopped caring and realized none of it really matters and ppl who are dicks online are probably spineless loser shitheads irl so fuck them.

― Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Thursday, September 20, 2018 8:29 PM (eleven seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I mean, I can't just assume that. like I've said before, I know a great deal of people here in real life, in some cases work with them, in some cases am literally in the same room as them for extended periods of time

'everyone' isn't calling her insane and telling her to quit

imago you should apologize to tlg for that comment imo. he is being completely fair and frank in as far as i can tell a v genuine attempt to help here.

granny d also

You never apologized for saying you were shouted at when that never happened. Maybe cause you're focused on how badly you're mistreated.

― A True White Kid that can Jump (Granny Dainger), Thursday, September 20, 2018 8:30 PM (twenty seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

in that case I apologize, but I did perceive it as being "shouted," both because of the perceived tone, and because it was one of a cluster of posts on this same subject, and one in a pattern of similar posts on the same subject, all of which essentially told people they were analogous to "terrorist fist jab"/QAnon conspiracyc theorists during each successive instance of federal government officials doing nazi dog-whistling

Ok admittedly I do inderstand how that adds extra layers if someone was truly unreasonably mean. It’s definitely a tricky situation. Other than try not to care as much and hopefully people will also start being nicer there isn’t really a good answer. :/

like, even if we're talking "internet culture" or whatever, one of the most broadly accepted/memetic/whatever conceptualizations/"rules" if you want to call it that for internet etiquette is "don't be a dick." not "don't get upset if someone is a dick to you." it's "don't be a dick."

This is what I was talking about with "life is unfair" comment which I felt DC misinterpreted.

A reverse taco

(but that said, on the hostility scale where 0 is neutral and 10 is graphic death threats, saying someone is "shouting at" someone is a 1, at best, whereas the posts I had mentioned are more like... 3-5 range.)

I think the trickiest part is that people really do have wildly different ideas of what being mean is and that’s ESPECIALLY true online.

...is a terrible idea

If someone says something you don't like on ILX, you have the option of flagging their post or addressing the problem directly with the poster in question. If you feel that someone is being abusive, you have the option of alerting a mod to the behavior in question. Beyond that, you have no real recourse for controlling another poster's posts. As is true in the wider world, we may wish for others to be more civil or more polite or kinder but we have no control over that. We have control only over our own actions, our own words. We can choose to grouse or to retaliate or to 'be the change' or to disengage entirely. The choice is up to each of us, and no other poster can control our posts beyond the methods outlined above. It's a pretty decent system, all told. Maybe not everything you might wish for, but it's about as good as it gets in this life, and especially on the internet.

Sorry, sorry: namaste.

I know that's how you perceived it. Which is why I feel comfortable saying you are hypersensitive.

imago you should apologize to tlg for that comment imo. he is being completely fair and frank in as far as i can tell a v genuine attempt to help here.

― Dmac TT (darraghmac), Friday, 21 September 2018 00:31 (forty-five seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

oh i agree with what he's saying but the way he's saying it is a little unnecessarily strong at points? but yeah soz 'jerk' was in turn unnecessary

he can take it tho

If someone says something you don't like on ILX, you have the option of flagging their post

does absolutely nothing, is just a "vote to be banned forever" button

or addressing the problem directly with the poster in question.

this is what I've been trying to do all afternoon and it hasn't helped

"being hypersensitive in this conversation" and "are hypersensitive" are two different things

I'll make a pledge to not be "hostile" or mean to you if you can make a pledge to try not to give a solitary fuck about a friggin mag board. Peace.

does absolutely nothing, is just a "vote to be banned forever" button

They're not banned forever. More's the pity.

or addressing the problem directly with the poster in question.

this is what I've been trying to do all afternoon and it hasn't helped

― aloha darkness my old friend (katherine), Thursday, September 20, 2018 8:37 PM (fifteen seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i don't have time to draw you a flowchart but the next arrow would point to the "disengage entirely" box

The DENNIS system of ilx

I mean, again, these are people I know and interact with in real life. It seems both reasonable and entirely in keeping with human nature that I should care about their thoughts. everyone else is still a person that I might encounter at some point in some other setting, so again, it seems reasonable and in keeping with human nature that I care about their thoughts. and even if there were somehow a guarantee that I would never encounter someone at all, ever, outside here -- which there isn't -- the person is still a person. being online doesn't remove their humanity. I could understand not caring if it were, like, a Twitter bot that randomly generated insults with no more opinion than a RNG has about any individual number it spits out. but they're people, and their opinions come from an actual place, and are not temporary.

Still don’t get what is so hard about not looking at a thread

the same thing that's so hard about not being hostile things

s/being/sayin

imago otm

i admit it's getting a little frustrating which is why the politesse is slipping

a bit like talking to geir hongro ... not even a tiny bit of "i hear what you're saying but" or "ok i can see point x but i disagree on point y" ... just pure push-back and stubborn restatement of the original thesis

But you don't know me in real life. So why are you reacting to something I said just as you would to a coworker or "somebody sitting in the same room"?

because you're still a person and I don't think you're somehow lesser than that person?

katherine your fixation on the problem of existing within the minds of others is understandable, I suggest you read Proust and see how that makes you feel about that problem afterwards

Tlg otm. K you are extremely exasperating and it's a bit like talking to an alien new to the ways of humanity.

I'm sorry, I really don't know what to say to that

can we all stop behaving as if this actually was a case of katherine being treated awfully as opposed to willingly finding any and every excuse to take the worst from any possible slight and then fanning it? eventually this is going to lead to an actual mean post but please can we not pretend its just an assault out of the blue?

i mean

katherine i know you wont agree to do so, but everyone else behaving as if this is a factual bedrock for this carry on is really just stoking what is at best a bizarre performance of attemoted passive-aggressive control and at worst genuine out-of-control distress

katharine you have a couple of posters willing to coddle you and tell you every time anything like this happens (and it seems to happen very frequently dont you think?) that it was terrible what was done to you.

i dont think, well-meaning though they are, that these people are helping you.

i think you react terrifically badly and out of all proportion to anything you decide you dont like said to you, and i frankly find it hard to believe your chasing of each such minor up over multiple threads at a time wouldnt strike you as absurd behaviour perfectly likely to provoke a reaction that is not going to be ideal.

and yet again: this is an internet message board and isnt your workplace. your insistence that it is in any way analogous is ridiculous no matter how much you might believe it to be valid.

So then it has nothing to do with knowing posters irl