Real England

It's like Borges' Celestial Emporium of Benevolent Knowledge ... on acid!

You'd think these would cover all bases:

C 12.13.1.1 DOING ACT RESULTING IN CRUELTY TO ANIMAL
C 12.13.1.2 CAUSING ACT RESULTING IN CRUELTY TO ANIMAL
C 12.13.1.3 PROCURING ACT RESULTING IN CRUELTY TO ANIMAL
C 12.13.1.4 PERMITTING ACT RESULTING IN CRUELTY TO ANIMAL
C 12.13.1.5 DOING ACT RESULTING IN ANIMAL SUFFERING UNNECESSARILY
C 12.13.1.6 CAUSING ACT RESULTING IN ANIMAL SUFFERING UNNECESSARILY
C 12.13.1.7 PROCURING ACT RESULTING IN ANIMAL SUFFERING UNNECESSARILY
C 12.13.1.8 PERMITTING ACT RESULTING IN ANIMAL SUFFERING UNNECESSARILY
C 12.13.1.9 OMITTING TO DO ACT THEREBY RESULTING IN ANIMAL SUFFERING UNNECESSARILY
C 12.13.1.10 CAUSING OMISSION OF ACT THEREBY RESULTING IN ANIMAL SUFFERING UNNECESSARILY
C 12.13.1.11 PROCURING OMISSION OF ACT THEREBY RESULTING IN ANIMAL SUFFERING UNNECESSARILY
C 12.13.1.12 PERMITTING OMISSION OF ACT THEREBY RESULTING IN ANIMAL SUFFERING UNNECESSARILY
C 12.13.1.13 CONVEYING OR CARRYING ANIMAL SO AS TO CAUSE UNNECESSARY SUFFERING
C 12.13.1.14 CAUSING ANIMAL TO BE CONVEYED OR CARRIED SO AS TO CAUSE UNNECESSARY SUFFERING
C 12.13.1.15 PROCURING ANIMAL TO BE CONVEYED OR CARRIED SO AS TO CAUSE UNNECESSARY SUFFERING
C 12.13.1.16 PERMITTING ANIMAL TO BE CONVEYED OR CARRIED SO AS TO CAUSE UNNECESSARY SUFFERING

but then:

C 12.13.37.1 MUTILATE KICK BEAT IMPALE STAB BURN STONE CRUSH DROWN DRAG ASPHYIATE A WILD MAMMAL W/I TO INFLICT SUFFERING

Why 'MAMMAL'?!

state as psychopathic demiurge that is sometimes struck with sudden obsessions - badgers, just completely fixating on badgers

C 5.10.271 USE BADGER TONGS IN COURSE OF KILLING BADGER
C 5.10.272 USE BADGER TONGS IN THE COURSE OF TAKING BADGER
C 5.10.274 USE BADGER TONGS IN THE COURSE OF ATTEMPTING TO TAKE BADGER
C 5.10.292.1 USING BADGER TONGS IN THE COURSE OF KILLING OR TAKING OR ATTEMPTING TO KILL OR TAKE A BADGER

C 5.10.282 DISTURB BADGER WHEN IT IS OCCUPYING BADGER SETT

I thought you were joking

C 5.5.24.1 TAKING FISH AT NIGHT - OTHER THAN BY ANGLING

Oh, so taking fish at night by angling is OK then?

C 5.5.24.2 TAKING FISH AT NIGHT BY ANGLING

Balls...

the word "sett" seems like proof if proof be need be badgers are in fact the most online animal

(yes possums are a kind of badger comments are closed)

horse passports, must control horse passports

C 12.26.3.2 KICKING A BALL IN THE STREET

some of these read like v intense/grim oblique strategies

UTTER A LETTER DEMANDING WITH MENACES

B 8.2.1 EMBRACERY

So hugging is against the law now?

embracery is the very foulest of deeds!

embracery is corruptly influencing a badger's verdict in a trial, via promise, persuasions, entreaties, money, entertainments or tongs

Being a member of Embrace was outlawed to immense public acclaim in the mid-00s. Probably the best thing the Blair government ever did.

i never knew i had committed so many crimes

C 2.10.25 KEEPING A DISORDERLY HOUSE

gnna jordan peterson yr ass

C 4.12.1 PYRAMID SELLING

guess it's time to wind up my counterfeit-pyramid business 'dodgy gizas'

who writes these?

C 7.7.20 WANTONLY DISTURB INHABITANT BY PULLING/RINGING ANY DOORBELL OR KNOCKING ON ANY DOOR

C 7.7.22.1 MOLEST LET DISTURB VEX TROUBLE DISQUIET MISUSE ANY CLERGYMAN MINISTERING/ CELEBRATING ANY RITE/HOLY ORDER

B 4.9.1 BIGAMY is admirably direct in its language tbf

A 6.1.1.6 VIOLATING KING'S ELDEST DAUGHTER

only the eldest, mind

This one gets me going a bit freeman, sovereign human being.

C 12.21.24.1 WHILST DRUNK VIOLENT QUARRELSOME OR DISORDERLY ON LICENCED PREMISES ON REQUEST TO LEAVE REFUSED TO DO SO

Pretty sure the right to shout "NO, YOU'RE BARRED" at a landlord is in Magna Carta.

don't think it can have a comma in it tbf

C 12.13.70.1 WRESTLING FIGHTING OR STRUGGLING WITH ANY UNTRAINED BULL

Strikes me there's a hole in this one.

B 4.9.1 BIGAMY is admirably direct in its language tbf

A 1.1.1 GENOCIDE

B 8.2.2 NOT FLAGGING BAD POSTS

fp'd

I've got "Sodomy" from that Peter Jackson muppet movie stuck in my head now

an unusual location for sodomy to be stuck iirc

POSSESSING OR CONTROLLING DEAD BADGER OR PARTS THEREOF

DO AN ACT CALCULATED TO INDUCE DISAFFECTION

CORONER'S CORRUPTION
RECORDING GRINDCORE TRACK ENTITLED CORONER'S CORRUPTION
RECORDING GRINDCORE TRACK ENTITLED CORONER'S CORRUPTION WITH INTENT TO MOCK OFFENCES LIST
MISREPRESENTING SYSTEMS OF CLASSIFICATION OF CARCASSES

FALSIFYING DOCUMENT IN ANTICIPATION OF WINDING-UP

A good indicator of the complexities of British common law is that there is an mid-way point between Unlawful Assembly and Riot called Rout but there is no evidence anyone has been charged with it in the last six hundred years.

C 11.6.67 HIRE A HANDCLAW
C 11.6.68 LEND A HANDCLAW
C 11.6.69 GIVE A HANDCLAW

Freddy Kreuger on notice.

Have to allow for every possible way of levelling up

C 11.6.88 HIRE OF HOLLOW KUBOTAN

One of the best prog-folk albums of the psychedelic era.

Massive sympathy with whoever has to track the latest weapons martial arts dorks are importing this year and wearily add every permutation of possession and supply to the list.

Some good comes of it though.

Darren Day’s key ring “could kill”

ACTOR Darren Day went on trial yesterday accused of carrying a potentially lethal weapon dubbed an “attitude adjuster” during a trip to Scotland last year.

Prosecutor Neil Allan asked PC Fitzpatrick, lead trainer in officer safety at Lothian and Borders Police, what kind of damage a Kubotan could do if used to its full potential.

The officer said: “Worst case scenario, I could kill somebody with that, absolutely.

That's just monstrous use of a biro

C 12.11.1 ANY OFFENCE CONTRARY TO COMMON LAW NOT LISTED ELSEWHERE

lazy

C 8.11.1 PERSONATING POLICE OFFICER C 8.11.1.1 IMPERSONATING A POLICE OFFICER

Is this some flammable/inflammable nonsense?

C 10.1.31 ALIEN CAUSING DISAFFECTION

https://cdnb.artstation.com/p/assets/images/images/005/341/279/large/lucirgo-ergo-alien.jpg

Sorry i haven't slept in ages

It may involve a Scotsman and a Dutchman, but
Darts players accuse each other of farting
at a darts tournament in Wolverhampton is Real England.

https://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/parents-shock-after-reindeer-puppet-15445779

god, the lowry outlet mall has surpassed itself. I was once working a shift there around this time of year and briefly snapped out of the seasonal discount haze to have a moment of supreme clarity while taking a break from the paul scholes autobiography to discreetly filter painkillers for codeine under the counter to take the edge off the afternoon stretch as simply having a wonderful christmas time played for maybe the 30th time that day. consciousness is nature's nightmare.

the internet just justified itself with one article

https://xenogothic.com/2018/11/28/blob-blob-blobby-towards-a-new-blobjectivity/?fbclid=IwAR1WUgE1JxlXLE0plmfFAtnHcjWrsKYijf7iFM7lva7O3IdvsQmIHlfMfpA

that is seriously amazing.

The media class had mistakenly thought they had won, overcoming the nation’s hysteric love for this monstrosity, believing they could write him out as easily as he was written in. And so, the media turned on Blobby, declaring him “unfunny”, a symptom of a national dementia, and, unfortunately, it seems like these panicked rejections of the Blob, who threaten to rupture the internal processes of neoliberal subjection, ultimately won out.

We forgot ourselves. They forgot themselves too. But Blobby remains the last true embodiment of rave frivolity, of impolite abandon, of libidinal excess. Blobby is all that we have repressed given a life of its own.

Some dude in a Stoke Newington FB group asked if there's "street security" around; someone answered that there is community police, and OP said that this wasn't really what he was asking about, he meant "security officers that patrol the local community and runs protection for shops and people in the community, Ilford has it".

Pretty sure there are at least two rival groups running protection for shops in Stoke Newington.

Dunno if they're keen to advertise on FB neighbourhood groups tho.

Does he mean the Stamford Hill Orthodox people who guard synagogues etc?