nah i'm sure live action Disney animal cartoons are infinitely worse but i understand the cash imperative behind them whereas who the fuck ordered a fartfest Addams Family in 2019?
― stuck in the Lidl with EU (Noodle Vague), Friday, 18 January 2019 09:15 (five years ago) link
godzilla king of the monsters is gonna be great
― topical mlady (darraghmac), Friday, 18 January 2019 09:25 (five years ago) link
i think our Joel was telling me it's a return to big monsters hitting each other for an hour and a half and none of this narrative nonsense?
― stuck in the Lidl with EU (Noodle Vague), Friday, 18 January 2019 09:26 (five years ago) link
first godzilla reboot in current iteration was better than expected but kong skull island was great
― topical mlady (darraghmac), Friday, 18 January 2019 09:30 (five years ago) link
intro-bonding-corporate/miltary betrayal over in about 8 mins and after that its 90 mins of HOLY SHIT LOOK AT THAT BIG FUCKIN GORILLA MAN
― topical mlady (darraghmac), Friday, 18 January 2019 09:31 (five years ago) link
yeah he mentioned that too, i mean i have to be in a very specific mood for this kind of thing but he's good on filtering out the actually entertaining stuff from the bullshit
― stuck in the Lidl with EU (Noodle Vague), Friday, 18 January 2019 09:33 (five years ago) link
yeah but Skull Island was at least by the dude who made Kings Of Summerturns out this is by the guy who wrote Superman Returns for Bryan Singer, so log yr expectations accordingly
― sans lep (sic), Friday, 18 January 2019 10:19 (five years ago) link
Lord & Miller did write Lego 2
directed by this guy though: Mike Mitchell is an American film director, producer, actor and former animator. He directed the films Trolls, Surviving Christmas, Sky High, Shrek Forever After and Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo.
― Number None, Friday, 18 January 2019 10:55 (five years ago) link
Skull Island was good but on the evidence of the trailers the new Godzilla seems to be maintaining the po-faced tone of the first one - even if there are more monsters running around the place
― Number None, Friday, 18 January 2019 10:57 (five years ago) link
NOT DUMBO OH GOD WHY
― sleeve, Thursday, January 17, 2019 11:02 PM (yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
Not just Dumbo. Tim Burton's Dumbo.
― A Nugatory Excrescence (Old Lunch), Friday, 18 January 2019 11:28 (five years ago) link
As hard a 'fuck you' as I'd deliver to any movie based on a game designed for phones, I would be twice as forceful in the 'fuck you' I'd deliver to that movie's sequel. Sorry, flappy, that's just how I feel.
― A Nugatory Excrescence (Old Lunch), Friday, 18 January 2019 12:47 (five years ago) link
Did they make a flappy bird movie?!
― mfktz (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Friday, 18 January 2019 12:50 (five years ago) link
I would probably watch that
Would also watch. I just wanted to quell the impending furor because I know the fondness flappy harbors for movies adapted from handheld technology.
― A Nugatory Excrescence (Old Lunch), Friday, 18 January 2019 12:59 (five years ago) link
I had no idea wtf A Dog's Journey even was, and looking up the name of the preceding movie was no help.
― A Nugatory Excrescence (Old Lunch), Friday, 18 January 2019 13:15 (five years ago) link
crypto u left off Playmobil: The Movie, which is still making me laugh several minutes after discovering its existence.
― A Nugatory Excrescence (Old Lunch), Friday, 18 January 2019 13:18 (five years ago) link
Also, wow @ Kingsman 3. Have not heard a single person say a single good thing about the second (and few who had a good word for the first).
― A Nugatory Excrescence (Old Lunch), Friday, 18 January 2019 13:20 (five years ago) link
I usually like to vote for perpetual star war in these things but man the Disney shit is tempting It’s Back, Baby! is probably the least promising one I will actually see, it’s contractually guaranteed to be shit iirc
― gray say nah to me (wins), Friday, 18 January 2019 13:38 (five years ago) link
(in b4 someone points out Star Wars IS Disney shit)
― gray say nah to me (wins), Friday, 18 January 2019 13:39 (five years ago) link
I'm glad that the makers of The Secret Life of Dogs didn't let the fate of their original star stop them from shoveling another heap of shit on our heads.
― A Nugatory Excrescence (Old Lunch), Friday, 18 January 2019 14:00 (five years ago) link
Godzilla movie includes Mothra, Ghidorah, Gamera and Rodan, I am hyped.
― Plinka Trinka Banga Tink (Eliza D.), Friday, 18 January 2019 14:16 (five years ago) link
What Women Want is such a random movie to remake
― jmm, Friday, 18 January 2019 14:36 (five years ago) link
A lot of these seem more low-rent than usual, like sequels to movies I'm barely aware of (eg part three of a Gerard Butler franchise that I didn't even realize had received a part two) and stuff that's being remade for a second or third time. And then like Dark Phoenix and New Mutants which are installments of a DOA franchise which I'm sure Marvel would just as soon sweep under the rug if not for potential $$$.
― A Nugatory Excrescence (Old Lunch), Friday, 18 January 2019 14:41 (five years ago) link
I've heard some substantive behind-the-scenes stuff on the production of Dark Phoenix being a complete shitshow so if anyone was expecting much from that one uhh maybe don't
― resident hack (Simon H.), Friday, 18 January 2019 14:45 (five years ago) link
Fast & Furious Presents is a good title but should really be an anthology show.
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/b/b5/Alfred-Hitchcock-Presents-Title.jpg
― jmm, Friday, 18 January 2019 14:45 (five years ago) link
I bet that Fast & Furious movie will be good
the part in Fast Five where they introduce The Rock's character and he's literally doing The People's Eyebrow in his FBI staff photo is one of the all-time great cinematic moments
― frogbs, Friday, 18 January 2019 14:46 (five years ago) link
do i need to see every F&F flick?
― Scam jam, thank you ma’am (Sparkle Motion), Friday, 18 January 2019 15:12 (five years ago) link
"need" no, but they're a lot of fun to go through
― jolene club remix (BradNelson), Friday, 18 January 2019 15:29 (five years ago) link
Have they managed to tie the original Corman flick into the franchise yet?
― A Nugatory Excrescence (Old Lunch), Friday, 18 January 2019 15:32 (five years ago) link
could be like that Eagles thing. ILF Watches F&F
― imago, Friday, 18 January 2019 15:32 (five years ago) link
I'm game
― Scam jam, thank you ma’am (Sparkle Motion), Friday, 18 January 2019 15:33 (five years ago) link
I spotted that one but left it off because it felt like more of the beginning of an attempted franchise than anything else (also, I've never heard of Playmobil). I guess you could say the same for The New Mutants, Captain Marvel, etc but anything CD/MCU is automatically franchise-y in my estimation.
I dunno how I missed Jacob's Ladder.
― Timothée Charalambides (cryptosicko), Friday, 18 January 2019 17:53 (five years ago) link
I love Jacob's Ladder and it's so of its specific time that I can't imagine a faithful remake bringing much of interest to the table
― resident hack (Simon H.), Friday, 18 January 2019 17:56 (five years ago) link
Without bothering to learn anything about it, I'm assuming the remake is going to swap Vietnam for Iraq.
― Timothée Charalambides (cryptosicko), Friday, 18 January 2019 17:58 (five years ago) link
I guess I'm glad this might lead to more ppl discovering the original, though I suspect...certain aspects...may now seem quaint to current viewers
― resident hack (Simon H.), Friday, 18 January 2019 17:59 (five years ago) link
crypto, Playmobil is kinda sorta like Lego but for kids who didn't want to build things and/or whose parents didn't love them as much.
― A Nugatory Excrescence (Old Lunch), Friday, 18 January 2019 18:05 (five years ago) link
There is no point to Playmobil now Wilko have serviceable knock-off lego at a sane price, why it needs to be celebrated right now is a mystery.
― mfktz (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Friday, 18 January 2019 18:09 (five years ago) link
Sadistic parents relishing the crestfallen expressions on their kids' faces when they realize they've been taken to see The Playmobil Movie?
― A Nugatory Excrescence (Old Lunch), Friday, 18 January 2019 18:11 (five years ago) link
you can start with #5
― sans lep (sic), Friday, 18 January 2019 18:12 (five years ago) link
xpost I mean there's only so many times you can crush their hopes with giftwrapped Playmobil sets before they start to catch on.
― A Nugatory Excrescence (Old Lunch), Friday, 18 January 2019 18:12 (five years ago) link
yea I think #5 is where the series really got self-aware but Tokyo Drift is incredibly entertaining
― frogbs, Friday, 18 January 2019 18:22 (five years ago) link
That Jacob's Ladder trailer upthread looks fake.
― jmm, Friday, 18 January 2019 18:26 (five years ago) link
It is fake. It says "concept trailer"
― Number None, Friday, 18 January 2019 18:29 (five years ago) link
Other than Donald John Trump there are no three words in the English language that fill me with more revulsion than Tim Burton's Dumbo. I hope to never even see the trailer.
― composed of atoms just as all posters have been (Dan Peterson), Friday, 18 January 2019 18:30 (five years ago) link
the only thing it helps a tiny bit to know is that there's a big "getting the team back together" scene, but there has never been a team before, they just bring a bunch of people from the various other Fasts into the same flick.
― sans lep (sic), Friday, 18 January 2019 18:38 (five years ago) link
Looking forward to hearing "When I See an Elephant Fudderwacken" tbh
― have you ever seen a VONC's tears? (Noodle Vague), Friday, 18 January 2019 18:39 (five years ago) link
Alice in Wonderland may at least have made some sort of sense on paper however much of a shitshow he made out of the material, but there's literally nothing about the story of Dumbo that's crying for Tim Burton's stylistic touch.
― A Nugatory Excrescence (Old Lunch), Friday, 18 January 2019 18:40 (five years ago) link
Maybe Dumbo will have ornate gothic angel's wings for ears.
Jesus, he only took the project so that he could put his touch on 'Pink Elephants' didn't he.
― A Nugatory Excrescence (Old Lunch), Friday, 18 January 2019 18:41 (five years ago) link
cant wait for john depp to play dumbos cruel suburban dad in the backstory
― topical mlady (darraghmac), Friday, 18 January 2019 18:42 (five years ago) link
If one considers what is inherently promised by these sequels and reboots, one finds that the promise is often fulfilled.
― Hangover Ape (Old Lunch), Sunday, 14 April 2019 02:22 (five years ago) link
detective pikachu
it’s good, folks
― RUSSIA’S SEXIEST POKER STAR ELECTROCUTED BY HAIRDRYER (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 18 June 2019 20:42 (four years ago) link
This sure looks like a contender, folks:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0R1-ZZTcTBY
― Morrie Antoilette (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 18 June 2019 22:30 (four years ago) link
I have zero attachment to the Banana Splits but the fact that this is happening makes me IA.
― Morrie Antoilette (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 18 June 2019 22:32 (four years ago) link
https://www.tor.com/2019/07/05/almost-every-sff-horror-comic-book-upcoming-adaptation/
List was so long I couldn't look at each one.
― Robert Adam Gilmour, Saturday, 6 July 2019 19:29 (four years ago) link
I imagine some of these will be in development for another decade.
― Robert Adam Gilmour, Saturday, 6 July 2019 19:30 (four years ago) link
between the new Ghostbusters and the computer-animated Scooby-Doo reboot titled Scoob!, 2020 is shaping up to be the year it was too late to cancel projects after Terminator: Dark Fate and Charlie's Angels
― Doctor Casino, Monday, 9 December 2019 16:30 (four years ago) link
Oh my god, is there seriously a fucking Fantasy Island movie coming to theaters next year
Why does Hollywood hate us so deeply?
― Masters of Engilsh Litera-ture (Old Lunch), Monday, 9 December 2019 16:46 (four years ago) link
(To be released the same day as Sonic the Hedgehog, so start saving your nickels now, kids.)
― Masters of Engilsh Litera-ture (Old Lunch), Monday, 9 December 2019 16:47 (four years ago) link
omg @ Scoob!
― totally unnecessary bewbz of exploitation (DJP), Monday, 9 December 2019 16:48 (four years ago) link
I just scrolled through the slate of movies scheduled for next year and...honestly, it's the most depressing lineup of sequels and reboots maybe ever. Quite a herculean feat, I know, but they really pulled out all the stops for 2020.
― Masters of Engilsh Litera-ture (Old Lunch), Monday, 9 December 2019 16:52 (four years ago) link
Who does Hollywood imagine is the audience for a Fantasy Island movie?
― Maria Edgelord (cryptosicko), Monday, 9 December 2019 17:24 (four years ago) link
The Montalban estate and the Landers sisters?
― the body of a spider... (scampering alpaca), Monday, 9 December 2019 17:28 (four years ago) link
for a second i thought that said "Fireball Island" and was even more concerned for our future
https://cf.geekdo-images.com/imagepage/img/RObnZmyY5_VItWkAMag2rsONWbM=/fit-in/900x600/filters:no_upscale()/pic225462.jpg
but apparently Fireball Island actually was rebooted last. but as a board game, with totally overhauled rules and mechanics to make it more of an actual game. so outside of hollywood people apparently have some idea what they're doing with nostalgia properties.
― Doctor Casino, Monday, 9 December 2019 17:32 (four years ago) link
er, last year
Saw the Hobbs and Shaw. Even by the increasing levels of disbelief the series depends on, it was bad. The Rock & co mesmerizing the villains with a haka performance, argh. Felt the series' meter indicator shift to Hate Watch.
― the body of a spider... (scampering alpaca), Monday, 9 December 2019 17:37 (four years ago) link
― the body of a spider... (scampering alpaca), Monday, December 9, 2019 12:28 PM (fourteen minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink
Don't tease me like this.
― I don't get wet because I am tall and thin and I am afraid of people (Eliza D.), Monday, 9 December 2019 17:43 (four years ago) link
A handful of outliers aside, hasn't almost every cinematic reboot of a decades-old TV show been a colossal failure? Seems like a super risky niche but what do I know, maybe it'll be huge in China.
― Masters of Engilsh Litera-ture (Old Lunch), Monday, 9 December 2019 17:54 (four years ago) link
"Fantasy Island" is at least a vague, evocative and sexy title - you can imagine people who know nothing of the source material being intrigued. Maybe it'll be a horror movie - those are still doing well.
― Doctor Casino, Monday, 9 December 2019 18:09 (four years ago) link
Of people who don't know the property, you're going to get moviegoers who are either looking for swords & sorcery or some Temptation Isle-style t&a and everyone is going to be real real bummed with the result.
― Masters of Engilsh Litera-ture (Old Lunch), Monday, 9 December 2019 18:11 (four years ago) link
Fantasy Island should be a stealth Hellraiser reboot
― totally unnecessary bewbz of exploitation (DJP), Monday, 9 December 2019 18:13 (four years ago) link
solution: T&A swords and sorcery. it's actually a nostalgia flick for the early 1980s crowd! tough to make it work with the all-important PG-13 rating but it could be big big big!
― Doctor Casino, Monday, 9 December 2019 18:13 (four years ago) link
Anyway, I try to debut each year’s poll on the release date of the year’s first S/R/F—which In 2020 will be January 3, with the latest attempt to make the Grudge films a thing—so stay tuned for that a little earlier this year (last year, Glass didn’t kick things off til over halfway into the month). The January/February lineup looks especially dire, though.
― Maria Edgelord (cryptosicko), Monday, 9 December 2019 19:03 (four years ago) link
at least the idea of Fantasy Island the movie - and i'm sure it will be godawful - is infinitely more entertaining than all the usual suspect slop that fills up the remake circuit
― éminence rose et jaune (Noodle Vague), Monday, 9 December 2019 19:12 (four years ago) link
The whole year's slate of property-centric fodder looks like a fucking wasteland, almost none of which is even slightly curiosity-piquing. Even the less risable stuff is just goddamn boring (another Peter Pan adaptation? really?).
― Masters of Engilsh Litera-ture (Old Lunch), Monday, 9 December 2019 19:13 (four years ago) link
fuck off
The New Mutants
did this happen?
Shazam!
this seems to have gotten about equal responses of "so great to see a happy kid-friendly superhero film from DC!" and "holy shit it's appalling how grimdark they made Captain Marvel"
Kingsman: The Great Game
this didn't happen, did it? do its votes roll over to next year if it's still on the list?
what is this shit
Angel Has FallenThe Secret Life of Pets 2A Dog's Journey47 Meters Down: UncagedGrudgeUntitled Annabelle film
idk if any of these happened don't give a shit
Avengers: EndgameCaptain Marvel
ended up seeing these as a double bill at a drive-in. a solid half-hour of entertaining, parseable filmmaking across the combined five hours of screen time What Men Want
this didn't happen, right? hyped
John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum- fuck yeah
fuck yeah!
Fast & Furious Presents: Hobbs & Shaw- a F&F by the same writers room (?) with Chris Morgan's name on it, from one of the directors of John Wick, starring Statham but not wasting any time on Vin Diesel walking around finding his light and saying "fambly" 992x? fuck yeah
this wasn't good
moderately hyped
The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part- this is not Lord & Miller on script I think, I know Rob Schrab got fired or walked as director, no idea who's involved at all, Lego Batman was dope and maybe better than Lego Movie 1, but had Chris McKenna writing iirc? anyway I assume there's some moderate quality control
this was okay, no Lego 1 or Lego Batman. probably great for ppl with enormous TVs and small children that they let watch things over and over again, bcz of zillions of details chicken-fatted into frame.
loosies
The Addams Family- wtf? anyway I just saw Addams Family Values for the first time two months ago and I'm down if Ricci is in it and Sonnenfeld's directing
I know this came out and is now on off-brand free streaming channels so presumably nobody saw it
Happy Death Day 2U- tonight a friend told me about Happy Death Day and her plans to see this on Valentine's Day and I'm now keen to catch #1
dug #1, so far warned off #2 Joker- literally everything about this sounds like a bad idea on its own, imagine how bad it might turn out all multiplied together. I'd watch 20 minutes of it on TV to catch the Maron / DeNiro scene though
make that 3 minutes, maybe
Jumanji 3- haven't seen Jumanj1, totally enjoyed 2manji on moviepass last year
after 11 months constant reflection, am prepared to take in JumanjIII Men in Black: International- solid positive memories of the Ed Solomon / Barry Sonnenfeld #1, can't remember anything about #2, will never see #3, but obviously can turn into a series with different actors, just off the premise. I miss Sonnenfeld generally though, often when watching Coen Bros comedies
did this end up being the biggest actual flop of the list?
Toy Story 4- #3 was ludicrously good for how late it came, but another 9 years on and the likely plots are eeeesh
this one also seemed to have a split between "omg cried so hard" and "idk did we need another one, w/e" reactions
Zombieland (*Double Tap)- super-enjoyed the first one, just checked and it's the same writers and Ruben Fleischer directing again, so the benefit of the doubt is open
dud reviews and kinda-half-rewatching the first one closed that benefit
― insecurity bear (sic), Monday, 9 December 2019 21:07 (four years ago) link
to address your "did this happen" and "i assume this flopped" notes:
PUSHED TO NEXT YEAR: Kingsman prequel, The Grudge reboot, New Mutants (probably never actually coming out - it was filmed in 2017 for a 2018 release!).
CAME OUT ALREADY: Angel Has Fallen, Secret Life of Pets 2, A Dog's Journey, 47 Meters Down: Uncaged, Untitled Annabelle film ("Annabelle Comes Home"), What Men Want.
the hideous addams family cartoon was #2 at the box office in its opening weekend and grossed $180 million on a shockingly cheap $24 million budget. so get ready for a bunch more of those or at least of this sketchy studio cranking out shitty adaptations of old properties with scab labor or whatever it is they're doing.
biggest actual flop is Terminator I think - $250 million on a $200 million budget. MiB4 made $254 million on a $110 million budget which is also very bad given the likely marketing and distribution costs at this scale. Charlie's Angels is a worse flop in raw terms but it didn't actually cost that much to make.
― Doctor Casino, Monday, 9 December 2019 21:36 (four years ago) link
now curious to see five mins of the Addams cartoon
startled at Terminator! it's still in cinemas and seemed to get OK to meh responses, vs universal disappointment in MIB.
― insecurity bear (sic), Monday, 9 December 2019 21:49 (four years ago) link
terminator just cost more is all.... i mean it's probably more discussed online because more people who are heavily online even gave a shit in the first place, or were enticed in by hamilton's involvement. so you're more apt to hear people bothering to report that it was okay. i feel like people who went to MiB4 were like, bored teens down for a Hemsworth/Thompson movie and a stop at the food court, most of whom presumably stopped thinking or talking about the movie within six hours.
― Doctor Casino, Monday, 9 December 2019 22:08 (four years ago) link
It was discussed in the dedicated thread, but I gather that the biggest problem with the new Terminator is that it's been a generation since they made a Terminator installment that anyone gave a shit about. Like would you even be invested enough to look into Godfather 8 after Coppola had been cranking out those increasingly-poor Sofia-centric sequels every 3-4 years (that whole cloning thing in the fourth installment was enough to chase me off for good)?
― Masters of Engilsh Litera-ture (Old Lunch), Monday, 9 December 2019 22:29 (four years ago) link
a movie with Chris Hemsworth and Tessa Thompson in it should be good, it's rude for them to be in a bad movie, disappointing bisexuals everywhere xp
― Swilling Ambergris, Esq. (silby), Monday, 9 December 2019 22:30 (four years ago) link