Swiping people left and right: the Tinder/hook-up culture discussion

falling in love rocks

Unfortunately sometimes rocks like getting into a new drug

https://www.twincities.com/2020/02/09/elite-matchmaker-tinder-valentines-stillwater-love/

In her initial interview with potential clients, Fultz asks if they are open to feedback and suggestions. “If you’re not, you know, that’s kind of defeating the purpose,” she said. “Why would you go to a personal trainer at the gym if you’re not going to follow the recommendations?”

Among Fultz’s feedback: No swearing. No chewing with your mouth open. Don’t show too much skin. Don’t have more than three drinks on a date. Don’t move too fast physically.

Fultz’s clients are guaranteed at least three dates during each six-month session, but they often go on multiple dates with their match. If clients begin dating a match, they can put their membership “on hold” for as long as they want, she said.

that's almost $3000 per date

if we followed the three drink rule, I never would have had my best relationship ten years ago.

but I realize three drinks affect people differently.

have there been, like, scholarly studies of 21st century american yuppies and their dogs? b/c jesus christ, there are more dogs than people here

Girl I’ve been seeing broke things off this morning and I actually think I’m going to take a solid break from swiping—this shit has gotten too stressful and too distracting

after a six year(ish) break I am amused to see that the meat-market dynamics are still exactly the same but the app has been considerably "gamified" and paywalled in addition to continuing to have the worst UI of any popular app

I hate that I ever used this. I hate this era.

Glad to be married and old. My hair is even graying now which is good. The zeitgeist is exhausting.

what do you mean? married people do great on tinder lol

being married sounds amazing. modern "dating" was so stressful to me that i only really briefly experimented with it, and now i've dropped out for a while unless something emerges on its own

― Treeship, Saturday, December 13, 2014 9:28 PM (six years ago) bookmarkflaglink

Is it everything you imagined treeship?

I think this Polish pilot I'm talking to might be a bot. 50/50. Her backstory is very specific but she communicates in a botlike way.

― Treeship, Wednesday, May 25, 2016 9:46 PM (five years ago) bookmarkflaglink

I'm assuming you married the Polish pilot bot btw

met my current partner on this terrible app so it has that going for it

what does it mean when ppl say they were banned from the other apps? I've seen this a few times. the ppl in question don't appear to be fash or linking their onlyfans

I'm just swiping and reading profiles for the foreseeable tbh, more than anything I find it interesting to see how people use apps like this

Lmao. I don’t think I ever met that Polish pilot irl. My current wife is someone who was just a friend in those cold dark days of swiping around.

I was banned from tinder once for being too handsome, sweet and open. Hope this helps.

what do you mean? married people do great on tinder lol

― intern at pelican brief consulting (Simon H.), Thursday, May 27, 2021 11:27 AM (forty-seven minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

when my wife was trying to do femme for femme dating on tinder married people were a scourged because she'd swipe to some babe and often the other pictures would include the husband and the description would note they were looking for a third

the unicorn hunt is real

Polyamarous types are often looking to bring on a younger third, hoping that this youth will invigorate their relationship. They are like vampires in this way.

No judgment, i meant vampiric descriptively

Lmao. I don’t think I ever met that Polish pilot irl. My current wife is someone who was just a friend in those cold dark days of swiping around.

― treeship., Thursday, May 27, 2021 2:14 PM (seven minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

Just out of curiosity do you introduce her to people as "my current wife"

No

Only wife, now and forever. I was following brad’s lead when they discussed their current partner.

i call mine wife number 2

I can only hear that in Kurt Wagner's voice

David used to call me his “current wife” whenever he would introduce me and it would make me laugh so damn hard. https://t.co/0OAK50UJio

— Amber Tamblyn (@ambertamblyn) May 22, 2021

If it makes you feel better, this claim -- the kids just hook up, they don't go out on dates! -- was made about college kids when I was in college, too, in the early 1990s, and it was even kind of true, just as it's probably kind of true now, but it didn't keep us from mostly getting married and having marriages that work. So far I've seen no reason to expect rampant Tindering to have any great effect on the typical life course.

― Guayaquil (eephus!), Saturday, December 13, 2014 9:29 PM (six years ago) bookmarkflaglink

Anyway, I stand by this, people a lot younger than me still seem to be figuring out how to get married

Fewer though

Much like david cross i’m a lucky guy

Lots and lots of young people are getting married, they're just also openly fucking other people more than they used to (anecdotally anyway)

That sounds really bad tbh.

I don't mean they fuck using anecdotes, but that's also a thing probably

That sounds really bad tbh.

I agree, this "getting married" thing has gotten really out of hand

And makes me sad. Hope it isn’t true.

@ treeship when I say "openly" I mean as agreed to by both married parties, it's neither good nor bad. some people are great at it and other people are really bad, just like...well, marriage

(obviously in addition to that many ppl use the apps to cheat on their spouses without their knowledge, yes)

Oh. I thought u were talking about cheetahs in particular 🐆. I wasn’t thinking about swingers.

I like to take public stands against behavior everyone agrees in wrong. I like to join in the choir.

poly people would probably distinguish themselves from swingers, but it's a thin line

re: that line, I was flattered by a few poly women swiping right and initiating conversations but they all wanted to date date. I would have no problems hooking up with a married poly person but I had no interest in putting in the work of dating for little future reward.

what is this future reward you mention? I didn't realize prizes were involved

A relationship i assume. Why invest energy into becoming a “third wheel”?

it's implied though that a relationship is what they are looking for and not a third wheel

at least that's how I read "date date"

None of them seemed to be looking for a third equal partner - but you can date and have an extended relationship (of sorts) while still being a third wheel. (Which, yes, not my thing.)

Yeah, I suppose if they are saying "I want to seriously date you but you'll always be my lowest priority," that may be difficult to make work

im perfectly happy being old and boring when i hear younger people i know who have more than one "primary" partner, or find out that someone who i think is going out with someone has a parallel, longer and more important relationship with someone else.

i don't have that much intimacy to give out to the world.

Admittedly my social circle skews a little younger than me (mid-20s to early 30s) but I really don't know a lot of people younger than me who keep things strictly monogamous, whether they're partnered up or not