GOTTA GO FAST: come uhh' anticipate' the SONIC THE HEDGEHOG movie with me i guess

a few thoughts:

1) man, hollywood never really figured out what to do with james marsden, huh? enchanted was the only movie that really harnessed his absurd handsomeness properly
2) how did we end up in the timeline where there's gonna be a pikachu movie and a sonic movie released within like six months of each other
3) er...
4) that's it

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/D5Z6JFJXkAAjdhW.jpg

The movie will be action-focused. There were several script rewrites, due to the original movie having a more comedy focus.

According to Van Robichaux, a scene of Eggman owning a coffee machine labeled "Mean Bean Machine" was cut before filming commenced.

It is currently unknown if Sonic's friends such as Amy Rose, Cream and Cheese, Knuckles & Tails, will appear in this movie. As Sonic is the Only Main animated character to be confirmed.

According to SEGA, the Sonic the Hedgehog movie will help the character reach a world wide fame never seen before for the series.

When the first teaser poster for the movie was released showing Sonic's redesign for the movie, Sonic the Hedgehog's original character designer Naoto Ohshima and the former head of Sonic Team, Yuji Naka, both made public statements showing their high distaste of the movie redesign for Sonic, with Yuji Naka even making jokes at the expense of the redesign on his twitter account.

Sonic is the 6th character voiced by Ben Schwartz to be associated with the colour blue. The other 5 had been Skidmark in the DreamWorks Animation film Turbo (2013), Stuffy the Dragon in the Disney Junior series Doc McStuffins (2012), Steve the Troll in the Nick Junior series Wallykazam! (2014), Dewey Duck in the Disney XD series DuckTales (2017), and Leonardo in the Nickelodeon series Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2018).

My skepticism would sharply decrease if it weren't for the 'Gangsta's Paradise' background loop. There are less incongruous ways to evoke nostalgia for the 90s.

"from the man who brought you skidmark"

Very strong Howard The Duck vibes from that trailer.

Just glad I've lived this long tbh

And here I thought ‘MIB: International’ was the worst trailer I was going to see this week.

MIB:I isn't even a bad trailer!

Honestly the only reason that you could end up with a Sonic character that janky looking in the year of our lord 2019 is if you were SPECIFICALLY responding to a studio note that read “Sonic must NOT be fuckable.”

— Keanu Beeves (@JoeTheDough) April 30, 2019

ok I literally laughed out loud when Jim Carrey appeared

this has the potential to be hilariously bad but I'm afraid they're gonna neuter it

it was pretty painful to watch imo. These two would make a hell of a double feature

alternate thread subtitle: POST HOG

I can't believe you guys were right pic.twitter.com/5PrpobudZx

— Jenny Nicholson (@JennyENicholson) April 30, 2019

jesus why

alternate thread subtitle: POST HOG

There were several script rewrites, due to the original movie having a more comedy focus.

I was sitting at “might watch half an hour of this on TV sometime” for the last couple of years due to Susser and Van Robicheaux, downgrading that to three minutes now

Well I hope it’s at least as funny as the Adam Sandler video game ghostbusters movie

When Jim Carrey showed up and did his "who cares who you are" bit, I thought this would be one of those movies with one star and absolutely nobody else you've ever heard of -- like the second Jack Reacher movie. But I recognize james marsden's name, if not his face.

i was like "i almost certainly love something with james marsden in it, what could it be"

it's the box

also disturbing behavior which is like five different teen movies at once

http://i65.tinypic.com/29uvuwg.png
http://i65.tinypic.com/kd0kk7.jpg

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/e7/b6/1c/e7b61c3f168fed7d5a64bc633cf8cbd1.jpg

all i know is that this is going to be responsible for some truly disgusting memes

Maybe the plan was to make the memerificest film all along.

as awful as humanity has been and currently is, i feel like the punishment this movie represents is nonetheless not remotely proportional to our many crimes

You must learn to stop worrying and learn to love the healthy BMI Dr. Robotnik.

nice to see col. tigh's still getting mileage out of being a grumpy guy in uniform

Ugly Dolls movie regretting not going live action.

goddamn smirky eyebrow-raised badass hedgehogs from 28 yrs ago nowadays

eh you gotta hand it to them it takes some real effort to design a hedgehog that isn't remotely cute or appealing

oddly it's "the military chases a poochie" that feels like the biggest piece of 90s nostalgia in that trailer; sonic is incidental

i don't even know what movies i'm thinking of but i swear it was every movie

even the bit with carrey constantly interrupting the other guy feels like something out of a 90s movie

The Mask for example

Eggman is described as a certifiable genius with an IQ of 300.[14] His fondness for machines has also made him a renowned authority on robotics.[29] Ultimately, his goal is to conquer the world and create his ultimate "utopia", the Eggman Empire (alternatively known as the Robotnik Empire, Eggmanland, Robotnikland, or Robotropolis).[30] He selfishly never gives up on this matter and does not care for others' opinions.[14][31]

#goals

The existence of this movie is justified by the following:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hd3_k-OF_aU

i'm still laughing about this, quietly, to myself

I honestly thought that bizarre poster that went viral a month ago was a spoof

I maintain that you will never find anyone who so truly and deeply loathes the very existence of humanity as those who voluntarily work to create the bulk of (non-Pixar) computer-animated kids movies. That trailer is one of the more stark expressions of fathomless misanthropy I've ever encountered.

Also the CGI is so bad it just so obviously looks like a computer graphic superimposed on everything else. The difference between that and, say, Paddington, where its possible to completely suspend disbelief and forget you're watching a CGI character, is massive. TBH even the Detective Pikachu looks more convincing.

Yeah the ca. 2002-level cgi really is the cherry on the sundae of abject contempt. Like they're almost aggressive in their refusal to exert effort.

you're underestimating the outrageous and abusive number of person-hours required to create even bad CGI

Looks dope

i don't even know pic.twitter.com/1hXiGthNGj

— Patrick Gill (@Pizza_Suplex) April 30, 2019

Piiiiiiiiiiissssss

this is truly the most cursed of all the threads

This should fix things

https://i.redd.it/6oqfkbklndw21.jpg

#gottafixfast is evil:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=losBbRx_4iM

Sneak peek at the (unannounced as of yet) third episode of this upcoming trilogy:

https://i.redd.it/v0j2rs4pmpy21.jpg

Sometimes I wonder if I might have died a while ago, and what I thought were the past few years were in fact an increasingly incoherent phantasia desperately wrought by my battered synapses' last gasps. It's a comforting thought and I thank the internet for reinforcing it like this.

Wonder no longer, my friend. And take comfort that we're all of us in the same boat.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rh5eis0sMHI

https://66.media.tumblr.com/4d609e775c5a1b9ea22b717dca3c09b1/tumblr_pqs6w9kFrt1x0bvwko1_500.gif

After they're done re-creating Sonic I predict a loud online outcry and/or petition to bring the weird teeth back.

Now with less Unheimlichkeit:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szby7ZHLnkA

dying on a hill of human teeth

i'm less horny for this version

do not want

at the end of the day "CARTOON CHARACTER FALLS INTO OUR WORLD" is one of the worst plots because nothing beats the Roger Rabbit/Detective Pikachu approach of just making them part of the world fabric already to a) skip the bad science and b) skip the GASP :o faces

— Ewafina Pekkala (@EwaSR) November 12, 2019

Well, when the movie still flops, at least they can take pride in the fact that they tried

this has the potential to be hilariously bad but I'm afraid they're gonna neuter it
― frogbs, Tuesday, April 30, 2019

The only acceptable employment of the 'cartoon character manifests in the real world' plot is as a showcase for the sheer existential terror/dread which would be stoked by said character's manifestation. Can hope ever exist in a world where Garfield walks among us draped in something which approximates flesh? No. No, it cannot.

what if they shaved him tho

https://i.redd.it/sk0jrvig97a11.jpg

noooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

lol

https://i.imgur.com/lxpmdTr.jpg

okay i’m hornt up again, cheers pom

My pleasure, bg. The retinal blood vessels are a superlative touch.

the cursed images thread should just redirect here

This is one of those films - like *Star Trek: The Motion Picture* and *Fant4stic* - where the behind-the-scenes story is (probably) more interesting than the actual film. Ignoring the horrible design, the original trailer felt flat and looked cheap. The pacing was off. It looked empty. This is vastly better because it actually has some characterisation, but it still feels like a low-budget film. The set design reeks of the early 2000s.

Is the shot of Sonic on the bed, in the towel, meant to be romantic? It feels odd to pair Sonic with just one person. Does the main human good guy have an ex-wife? Will Sonic help him get back in touch with her? Why did the studio decide to make the human good guy a middle-aged man? I'm not complaining, I just wonder why the studio decided to do that. The human good guys are usually a young man and a woman, or kids.

Why a single middle-aged man? Is Sonic meant to be the child he never had, or a surrogate middle-aged friend? Is this *Planes, Trains, and Automobiles* or *ET* or what?

Will Sonic die? Will his buddy will bring him back to life?

Sonic is not actually real, he is just a figment of this man's imagination which he tragically realizes about two seconds after drilling into his mustached neighbor's skull in search of Chaos Emeralds

Eternal Sunshine of the Sonic Mind

The only acceptable employment of the 'cartoon character manifests in the real world' plot is as a showcase for the sheer existential terror/dread which would be stoked by said character's manifestation.

This is pretty much OG Howard the Duck, where the existential terror/dread was felt by the character itself.

pom I meant Garfield, jesus

https://i.redd.it/ovogemms8iy31.jpg

Okay, that is awesome.

Pictured: the Sonic redesign process.

https://i.redd.it/vjdk8qcyujy31.jpg

sonic is good again

Happy birthday, @DannyDeVito!

— Sonic the Hedgehog (@sonic_hedgehog) November 17, 2019

recent apropos of nothing text with a friend of mine:

growing up my sisters and I had hedgehogs as pets so I am esp fond of them. My father bought them for us from a black market Amish dealer behind a long John silvers restaurant and they did nothing but birth babies. Their in-home population at one point hit a critical mass such that the mother consumed the heads of about half a dozen runty ones. V. Formative experience for us

GOTTA BREED FAST

i have suggested she may have been gaslit into nurturing hushpuppies

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCuCpVPkWDY

Sega Cinematic Universe looking marginally more classy than the Marvel one

I was watching TV with one of my kids, and after the Sonic trailer she said "didn't this come out already?"

it has come out already

it is out now

it will be out soon

it will never come out

I stopped at a gas station on the way home after the holidays and, while digging through a bin of cut-rate DVDs, I happened upon a sun-bleached VHS copy of this movie. At first, I felt a sense of deep existential despair toward this thing that should not be, but as I held it in my hand, a warmth washed up my arm and conferred a sense of comfort unlike any I had previously experienced. The Sonic videocassette and I are one now, bonded, an amalgam of flesh and plastic sent forth to deliver the word of Sonic unto the heathen masses. Gotta go fast, my children. Gotta go fast.

Guys.

We got a sequel.

I guess this isn't hell like I thought it was and instead it is heaven.

So, uh, how's the first one?

Well look, they wouldn't make a second one if the first was anything less than stellar. What more do you need to know, really.

Hymen Roth from Godfather 2 is in it

I didn't think the first one was unredeemable to be honest, it sort of hung together well enough. Carrey's level of overacting was just about pitched right, Sonic was just annoying enough, Marsden competent playing against a bit of greenscreen.

A solid 5.5/10. A sequel could go either way.

aldo OTM; the original was tolerable, which basically meant it was about a billion times better than it had any right to be

https://i.imgur.com/LWlewI1.png