GOTTA GO FAST: come uhh' anticipate' the SONIC THE HEDGEHOG movie with me i guess

i'm still laughing about this, quietly, to myself

I honestly thought that bizarre poster that went viral a month ago was a spoof

I maintain that you will never find anyone who so truly and deeply loathes the very existence of humanity as those who voluntarily work to create the bulk of (non-Pixar) computer-animated kids movies. That trailer is one of the more stark expressions of fathomless misanthropy I've ever encountered.

Also the CGI is so bad it just so obviously looks like a computer graphic superimposed on everything else. The difference between that and, say, Paddington, where its possible to completely suspend disbelief and forget you're watching a CGI character, is massive. TBH even the Detective Pikachu looks more convincing.

Yeah the ca. 2002-level cgi really is the cherry on the sundae of abject contempt. Like they're almost aggressive in their refusal to exert effort.

you're underestimating the outrageous and abusive number of person-hours required to create even bad CGI

Looks dope

i don't even know pic.twitter.com/1hXiGthNGj

— Patrick Gill (@Pizza_Suplex) April 30, 2019

Piiiiiiiiiiissssss

Just checked my suspicion and, yep, the 8-bit Master System version of Sonic from 1991 looks better than this one.

https://wiimedia.ign.com/wii/image/article/896/896255/sonic-the-hedgehog-sega-master-system-virtual-console-20080804003529833.jpg

But don't just take my word for it, feel free to compare and contrast:

http://66.media.tumblr.com/6f2d2759ba2438d72896e1a028f34310/tumblr_muzbwoRcsb1qfn715o1_500.jpg

itt: every fool who ever painted their face blue

Critical support for Jim Carrey, anti-fascist.

His cartoons are somewhat terrifying, as they should be given the subject-matter. Too bad he's an anti-vaxxer.

bad news: were all helpless cogs doomed to ceaselessly perpetuate a machine
good news: the machine is a Sega and were all sonic the hegehog

— wint (@dril) October 18, 2013

Yes but

https://i.redd.it/eghknk0amiv21.jpg

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/D5afN8WWsAEu2ln.png

That's Super Sonic, right?

2019 Sonic looks like Dr. Seth Brundle attempted to teleport a toilet brush without checking to make sure that a relatively-fresh (yet rapidly-moldering) corpse hadn't snuck into the first pod at the last moment. You always have to double check, Seth. This isn't a game.

Someone on Reddit calculated precisely how many babies Sonic kills in the trailer.
Jesus Christ pic.twitter.com/TKt5Efyjt9

— Sonic SCANF (@sonicscanf) April 30, 2019

the hero america deserves

And that's not even counting the babies that thing almost certainly ate along the way.

a friend calculated that sonic's EMP blast requires output (over a few seconds) of c.20,084,610kW = 48,203 kWh storage

and that the same could be achieved (give or take the technology), with 183,112,560 lbs of potatoes

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/D5aJdfsW4AAHA6h.jpg

the potato america deserves

I live in the densest hospital district in the PNW, and our building still has power when it goes out in the rest of the city, bcz of backup routing for the medical facilities on every other block

try harder next time, blue dude

P sure it's canon that Sonic's powers overcome even backup systems in order to ensure 100% infanticide wherever he goes.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/D5b89MNXsAERmld.jpg:large

i don't even know pic.twitter.com/1hXiGthNGj
— Patrick Gill (@Pizza_Suplex) April 30, 2019

― ciderpress, Tuesday, April 30, 2019 7:24 PM (yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lmaooooooooo

the first reply

I don’t get either of those tweets, but I also had not seen the movie Sonic before and am now on the side of any incel manbaby triggered by their childhood being defiled

my bad, I assumed every ilxor has seen this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vUz9xCTOPRw

In a time so plagued with divisiveness, I'd like to think we can all overcome our differences and come together as one to declare Movie Sonic an abomination in the eyes of whatever deity one may claim (and also an affront to reason and basic sanity, for those of us on the secular train).

gang, can I just say that the Ready Player One thread got me through some rough patches last year and I'm really sensing promise from this one, so I'd just like to say "thanks ILE"

It's been a while since we had an abject failure like Fyre Festival to bring us all together. This could be the one. Doing God's work, Sonic movie team

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUkF4yRtTyE

CHECK OUT SANIC'S TETS

scene from move has leakde

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4MWN48V0Oac

"Dr. Keller added that the film, unfortunately, appears to present yet another unrealistic depiction of James Marsden."

https://entertainment.theonion.com/experts-praise-upcoming-sonic-movie-for-accurate-depi-1834426041

pic.twitter.com/2ln3Fo2Usl

— Memes 😈 (@memetiddies) April 30, 2019

lmao

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_4yDVKidRqA

this man is the only person whose opinion I will listen to about this movie

i think it's time we addressed the elephant in the room here tho

the sonic games are all bad games

gang, can I just say that the Ready Player One thread got me through some rough patches last year and I'm really sensing promise from this one, so I'd just like to say "thanks ILE"

― the public eating of beans (Sparkle Motion), Wednesday, May 1, 2019 9:20 PM (yesterday)

It's been a while since we had an abject failure like Fyre Festival to bring us all together. This could be the one. Doing God's work, Sonic movie team

― Vinnie, Thursday, May 2, 2019 1:05 AM (thirteen hours ago)

This is what I'm here for.

just spent a couple of minutes googling this movie's execs to see if there's anything there to back up my hunch that this entire enterprise is a producers-style box-office-suicide tax-dodge and somehow ended up on the imdb page for donnie yen's forthcoming enter the fat dragon which uhh

https://m.media-amazon.com/images/M/MV5BNzI0NzVlY2UtZjQ0Ni00MDc5LWE3ZTgtMjBhNTFmMzk5ZmIwXkEyXkFqcGdeQXVyNzM3NDU4Njk@._V1_.jpg

A cop is assigned to a case of escorting a criminal to Japan while dealing with relationship problems, and his enormous change in appearance as a result of being dumped.

Whereas I was indulging a delightful tour through the world of terrible CGI last night and came across a videogame adaptation that had somehow passed me by completely:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5MKLNyKGUUI

We really are nearing cultural heat death, aren't we.

can't stop thinking about this lately

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZDGud3o0Nrc

Speaking of which, I'd like to see a CGI reconstruction of Christ's Passion in the style of the Ecce homo from the Sanctuary of Mercy church in Borja, Spain.

can’t believe they went with that musical choice when there’s a completely cromulent ear worm that exists
https://youtu.be/yXmonb23VUU

i think it's time we addressed the elephant in the room here tho

the sonic games are all bad games

― michael keaton IS jim thirlwell IN ‘foetaljuice’ (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, May 2, 2019 10:00 AM (one hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

man I was just thinking how great it would be if the movie used that ridiculous "GOTTA FOLLOW THAT RAINBOW" song instead of Gangster's Paradise

Tonight, the investors will sleep soundly, safe in the knowledge that they've put the fate of this film in the hands of someone who's demonstrated both consistently sound judgment and steadfast courage in his convictions.

Thank you for the support. And the criticism. The message is loud and clear... you aren't happy with the design & you want changes. It's going to happen. Everyone at Paramount & Sega are fully committed to making this character the BEST he can be... #sonicmovie #gottafixfast 🔧✌️

— Jeff Fowler (@fowltown) May 2, 2019

So, uh, how's the first one?

Well look, they wouldn't make a second one if the first was anything less than stellar. What more do you need to know, really.

Hymen Roth from Godfather 2 is in it

I didn't think the first one was unredeemable to be honest, it sort of hung together well enough. Carrey's level of overacting was just about pitched right, Sonic was just annoying enough, Marsden competent playing against a bit of greenscreen.

A solid 5.5/10. A sequel could go either way.

aldo OTM; the original was tolerable, which basically meant it was about a billion times better than it had any right to be

https://i.imgur.com/LWlewI1.png