GOTTA GO FAST: come uhh' anticipate' the SONIC THE HEDGEHOG movie with me i guess

Tonight, the investors will sleep soundly, safe in the knowledge that they've put the fate of this film in the hands of someone who's demonstrated both consistently sound judgment and steadfast courage in his convictions.

Thank you for the support. And the criticism. The message is loud and clear... you aren't happy with the design & you want changes. It's going to happen. Everyone at Paramount & Sega are fully committed to making this character the BEST he can be... #sonicmovie #gottafixfast 🔧✌️

— Jeff Fowler (@fowltown) May 2, 2019

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/e/ea/Everything_Is_Going_to_Work_Out_Fine.jpg

Like okay, if you start inadvisably installing a toilet on your own with zero plumbing knowledge, there are plenty of steps in the process where you can sober up and acknowledge that you're in way over your head and should never have even begun such a clearly disastrous undertaking in the first place. You absolutely do not and should not plow through regardless of your intense misgivings. But...what do you even do if you've been deeply involved in making a Sonic the Hedgehog movie and you eventually realize how deeply fucked you are? You can't just...run away and hide, can you?

At any rate, hope you enjoyed those nights and weekends while you had them, hundreds of people who will be redoing a ton of work that they probably already felt kind of sick about having done the first time.

i think it's time we addressed the elephant in the room here tho

the sonic games are all bad games

― michael keaton IS jim thirlwell IN ‘foetaljuice’ (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, May 2, 2019 2:00 PM (yesterday)

i can't really get behind this, the early sonic games are stone cold classics w/ mostly great soundtracks

that said i wouldn't disagree if someone argued that sonic himself is kind of a bad character, he's pretty much the poochie of his era

https://thecomicartwebsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/IMG_6311.jpg

fowler: "we've had the feedback. it's… not good news folks"
everyone at paramount & sega: *sighs, stays silent*
fowler: "they… they… they REALLY want to fuck the hedgehog"

that’s the thing, tho - we’re living in perhaps the most polymorphously perverse period in human history, where people take to twitter to express their longing to fuck pretty much anything imaginable, and NO-ONE wants to fuck this hedgehog despite there being a colossal pre-existing base of desperately horny deviantart posters whose desire for all kinds of sonic-based sex knows no bounds

That's making me start to like this Sonic and his new theme music U Can't Fuck This

the ivo in dr ivo "eggman" robotnik is short for "i, volcel"

Just watching this trailer again, the worst thing isn't Sonic, it's the scene with Jim Carrey and the general, how can you have such an unfunny comedy scene which obviously doesn't work and drags so much, played in full, in the trailer?

one has to assume it's because it's one of the best scenes in the movie

which is... troubling

Also those were probably the highlights of the full 25-minute scene.

one has to assume it's because it's one of the best scenes in the movie

Lol yep

Seems a waste to fix the character design, that's the main reason this is getting so much attention. Makes me want to see it less, anyway. IMO should just go full-on Super Mario Bros. movie and release this weird trainwreck. They've clearly had no input from the fans thus far, why start now

tbfttl, if they'd had input from the fans this would be 90 minutes of pregnant sonic having his toes sucked by tails, while in the background a fetishwear-clad dr robotnik bursts balloons with his spike heels

the only good film

i'm not gonna lie, i'd prefer that to what it looks like we're getting

You’d have to recast eggman in that case

...right?

why, is jim carrey allergic to rubber?

Yes that’s why it was so cruel that the uk press constantly referred to him as “rubber-faced funnyman jim carrey”

the cruellest of ironies when u think abt it

this would be 90 minutes of pregnant sonic having his toes sucked by tails, while in the background a fetishwear-clad dr robotnik bursts balloons with his spike heels

they haven't released the red band trailer for the movie yet, so I still have hope

*unzips*

Message Bookmarked

Seriously though, if the director wasn't a clearly desperate man who will entertain any advice which might serve to quell the endless flop sweat and nervous diarrhea, I'd be concerned with the precedent this sets re: suggesting to fans that petty bitching might actually be an efficacious superpower.

this movie's reported budget is a trim $90m

i wonder how much extra it'll cost to fix ('fix') sonic's design

What if

Now hang with me here for a sec

These folks who created the Sonic we saw in the trailer and thought 'yes, perfect, that looks ready for public consumption'? Presumably the same folks now tasked with 'fixing' Sonic in a fever pitch based on the thoughts and opinions of random Twitter users?

What if they somehow make Sonic even worse.

What if that.

What if.

We can only hope so

i wonder how much extra it'll cost to fix ('fix') sonic's design

not just re-rendering it for the movie bug also presumably changing a ton of planned marketing materials for all regions....can't be cheap, I'd guess it tacks on another 10-15mil maybe

*but

What if this is the film that destroys Paramount?

So many tantalizing what ifs.

Seriously pity the CG people working on this thing.

the Mouth Squad has to be pretty demoralized right now

speaking of the mouth squad, here's an exclusive peek at the redesigned movie sonic

https://www.geek.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/sonic-toilet.jpg

https://c8.alamy.com/comp/PM8TDB/studio-publicity-still-from-heavens-gate-christopher-walken-1980-united-artists-all-rights-reserved-file-reference-31715204tha-for-editorial-use-only-PM8TDB.jpg

I'm just endlessly fascinated by these instances wherein someone pays a lot of money for the rights to adapt a well-known intellectual property with an established fanbase where there's a pretty clear path for making something that at least a portion of that fanbase and general audiences will enjoy but they instead decide to just say 'nah' and do their own barely-related thing that nobody asked for and few people will enjoy. Over and over and over this happens.

Why is everyone assuming they are just going to redo the CGI on the Sonic design? I assume they will go and redo all the ugly CGI characters in the entire film. Like that unfunny character that looks a little like Jim Carrey? Totally unconvincing CGI, do it again.

Did one of the execs have a weird kid who's mutually obsessed with Sonic and James Marsden and decide based on that evidence that that was a pairing the world was clamoring for?

Seriously, that Carrey routine in the trailer was a carbon copy of the shit he did in his prime 20+ years ago when I was a dumb teenager with no taste who still was all like 'ugh, this shit again' every time he got started on his 'ALLLLLLRIGHTYTHEN!' trip. You're inching up on 'Jerry Lewis in Hardly Working' territory here, Jim.

RIYL Kangaroo Jack

I guess it's kind of admirable that studios are willing to make movies for people with traumatic brain injuries. They certainly deserve entertainment, too.

I'm with OL

Jim Carrey doing the looking-aside, fast-talking monologue in that tone of voice followed by a pause and some ridiculous catchphrase or non-sequitur was this shtick he trotted out too many times, but apparently the director's entire concept here is "play this genius Doctor like he's Ace Ventura, evil scientist"

Thankfully he's displayed a broader and more appealing range over time, but I was frankly over his 'Carrey cranked to eleven!!!' shtick by halfway through the first season of In Living Color (by which point I was only barely of a double-digit age) and will never understand why the rest of the world kept hungrily scarfing it down and asking for seconds.

it was a very different time

then 9/11 happened and of course everything changed

ace ventura is funny you are all cancelled, also the new sonic is good now

idk I prefer all this to the horrorshow that is woke carrey tweeting his dumb pictures at the president, as though writer and activist russell brand weren’t already crucified for our sins

I begrudgingly went with friends to see Ace Ventura 2, which is still the only time I've ever fallen asleep in a movie theater. Although I woke up for the part where he erupted from the rhino's anus and I'll admit that that was p funny.

(Although tbf emerging from a rhino's anus has been a reliable gag since time immemorial.)

exiting the vampire's castle 2: when hyoerstition calls