This is the inevitable thread for ILxors in their forties

i turned 40 this year
the crazy thing to me is that since i started dating my wife in college, we've now been together more than half of my life. i've been with her longer than i've not been with her. that's nuts

My neck has gotten crunchy.

My spouse and I also talk about how we've now been together more than half of my life.

i have various middle-aged physical ailments but what gets to me more is feeling my attitudes changing as i get older. feeling more hopeless/pessimistic, more "things used to be better" thoughts, etc. but at the same time things are really shitty right now in a lot of ways so maybe that's not so much aging as it is modern existence.

my back's been in a bad way for most of 2019, I hurt it in November last year somehow and it would get better after a few weeks then I'd hurt it again randomly and so on and so on. I think a combination of: being an ILXor in his forties, being tall, working from home for the last 3 years so much more sedentary, learning to drive (all that leaning to see round corners did not help)

I started going swimming at the end of July and it has done wonders for it. I thought I'd fucked it again on Monday but it was just that day then it was better again. since I started swimming most of the muscles in my body have been complaining one after the other, last week it was my calf, but I think it's good muscle pain (at least I hope so) from actually using muscles for the first time in ages

the rest of my life is relentless misery as documented in detail elsewhere

Lol I'm 44 but accidentally told my daughter I was 45. When I corrected myself she told me she thought I was 43.

I have a small memory of briefly meeting NA and his wife with my spouse (calculating) 16 years ago. xpost

was that at the hungry brain

it was at some bar in nyc where I feel like we were all seated in a self help group circle for some reason.

oh i see. that trip is kind of a blur

41 here. My neck has been crunchy as long as I can remember!

I've had numerous consultations about hip arthroscopy for a torn labrum, debating whether to go through with it or just continue dealing with the same mild to moderate pain. Reading this thread (and hearing surgeons say I wouldn't fully recover for 5-6 months) is helping me lean toward not doing it. I feel fairly stupid because I've vacillated on it so much — the surgery was first recommended to me more than two years ago. It's supposed to be better to do it earlier because you'll recover faster, and I'm paying for health insurance that will cover it. But the thought of doing it when I don't have employment lined up, and when I have to move within a few months, scares me. Meanwhile I'm just hoping the issue doesn't get worse — conditions on the ground in winter tend to increase discomfort, but overall it's been more or less the same for about three years. Except that the other hip has started having its own, undiagnosed issues....

I should probably try swimming..... I never mastered the breathing thing with swimming, so I would probably benefit from a lesson or two. Used to run a lot but have not-quite given up; happily, cycling still is more or less fine.

i'm in week two of recovery for that torn labrum surgery and not near better but will post here with some updates. First two weeks of post surgery recovery have been a real bear but the doc said afterward that it was real good i did it because the labrum was worse than the MRI showed, they needed to rotator cuff fixes, some of the capsules in the arm were burst, bone deterioration, additional adjacent tears, arthritis, the whole magilla.

post surgery (of course) now i'm seeing 8 zillion stories when googling about how this is an often overprescribed surgery but we'll see. as of today, i'm continuing to improve daily with range of motion and control. Slept without a sling last night for the first time and only woke up twice, which is about on par with my pre-surgery pain. hoping to see improvement soon and possibly start jogging again in early october.

I would DEFINITELY wait till you're covered by insurance though in any case; I think this ran about 50k and that's before rehab.

it was at some bar in nyc where I feel like we were all seated in a self help group circle for some reason.

― Yerac, Wednesday, September 18, 2019 8:54 AM (twenty-two minutes ago)

oh i see. that trip is kind of a blur

― na (NA), Wednesday, September 18, 2019 8:55 AM (twenty-two minutes ago)

FAPs of old. (It was the 2003 July 4th weekend get-together IIRC.)

41 and no real aches or pains to speak of yet, but I do find myself getting winded a lot more easily these days.

I am relatively healthy at 46 but I REALLY need to start exercising before everything falls apart

41 too. I loathe "exercising" but I hike or hoop nearly every day. Since I started doing that, back pains went away, ankles have gotten stronger & pain-free, long-term mood has improved, Crohn's signs and symptoms have disappeared (thank u solar vitamin D), stamina has soared (I never had ANY...now I outlast the 20 somethings at open gym full court bball runs), I can leap higher than I could when I was 20.
I think it's a mistake to view yourself as "old" and accept new aches and pains as the new normal. Sorry if that's condescending, but I see ppl I know and love fall into that trap.

i must say the encroaching fall terrifies me a bit more each year with its lack of sunlight/oncoming cold/end of life

I loathe "exercising" but I hike or hoop nearly every day.

People who have figured out how to live.

ulysses, would you/could you ever move somewhere warmer & sunnier? did wonders for me

A few years ago I stopped dancing semi-professionally and having regular grueling practices, and my hold-over fitness lasted for a while. But I've now reached an age where if I don't do regular stretching/strength training, all my muscles contract from stress and under-use and I curl into a stiff ball that can barely walk-slash-walks with that old person hobble. It's shameful.

I might be driven to actual *gasp* yoga. Which I don't even like.

Drinking has no outsized effect--I'm a little bleary in the AM but I also never get enough sleep so it's a tossup as to the root cause.

GD: I sometimes think i made a bad tactical error in setting up grown-up shop on the east coast; I can't really relocate without starting a new career but ***NEW YORK WINTERS SUCK*** and tend to go on forever.
I have a lot of tactics to cope with this and they shift with the extremes of the weather and my well being. my hope is that my rehab this year should hopefully lead back to the jogging/yoga one-two punch that has worked in the past to keep me from falling on my sword.

Are there any winter outdoor activities you can do? The last winter I lived in IL, I bought cross country skis. Had only tried that once, as a kid. Yeah, my one ankle could not provide enough support to balance me on the skinny ski, so there went my shot at a winter outdoor activity.

Skating is always a good one, but wear thick socks and have skates with strong ankle support. One good winter sport I spent lots of time doing as a kid/teen, because we had outdoor rinks in the winter and a staffed warming house.

I've have bad osteoarthritis in my knees since I was in my early 20s so I always try to make sure to do some sort of daily exercise. Even stuff like plyo doesn't bother them if I'm the right shape. The last couple of years I've been rowing every single day. I love it.

ice skating is not a bad idea though yeah, I gotta watch the ankles. I'm near a big public park/ice skating rink so my fallback is generally jogging but there are certainly times when that's not the wisest move. i was into climbing for a hot minute but that's how i fucked up my shoulder to the point of surgery! apparently what i thought was a stinger was subluxation, ie i dislocated it and then it popped back in and tore stuff going both ways.

I'm 45, wife is 43, we started dating when we were 20/18 so we past the half our lives marker a while ago. But this summer we realized my wife is older now than her mother was when we started dating and that sort of weirded everyone out. She seemed so old and mom-like to me back then.

Oh ugh yep all the "wait I'm now older than parents were/famous ppl were" is one of the few times I actually feel old.

But I do think prior generations DID look and behave "older" than our gen does

yeah my dad and mom were already acting like their life was over when they were my age. I aim to never be like that.

At 44, I'm desperately clinging to my perceived youthfulness despite being a physical wreck.

I'm 46 next month and considering I have 3 year old and 3 month old daughters I don't feel too bad. The agony of getting up after crouching or kneeling on the floor is probably the worst. It doesn't help that last year I went from a 20 minutes each way bike commute to working from home - I don't miss the office or the time lost but I do miss the exercise. Have bought a turbo trainer in a hopefully not vain attempt to make up for it.

Not seen this thread before and just had a merry time reading it all.

44, bald, 2 kids (11 & 13. Affectionately known as the idiot squad, but not *that* affectionately). I used to have long hair but got lupus in my mid-20s and it started falling out in patches. Hid it for a while and eventually hacked it off and haven't really given it a second thought. Back is pretty fucked, but I swim and walk a lot; have recently started planking which is definitely making a difference. Had a midlife crisis about 5 years and started teaching: English, 11-16 yr olds. It's fucking mental and they're merciless with the baldness but that's OK*. Today: 'Sir, when you wash your face how do you know when to stop?'. Cheeky bugger.
(*at least I think it is. Do I legitimise other forms of teasing by being so easy with it?)

"have recently started planking which is definitely making a difference"

fnarr! apologies for being the insolent snickering little 45 yr old shit at the back of the class!

Hehehe. See me at the end, baldy!

But I do think prior generations DID look and behave "older" than our gen does

Mm. Definitely partially a change in societal expectation but also the fact that drinking/smoking/etc went down a lot in terms of literal physical appearance being affected, I'd argue. My parents (neither smokers, only mild drinkers at most) long since reached 'old' status as they're now in their mid-late seventies, but honestly they only started seeming that way to me...maybe ten years ago?

Also...the accuracy

https://twitter.com/kris10felicetti/status/1174395124270411776

Trying that again:

I am "I need to see the set times posted" years old

— Kristen Felicetti (@kris10felicetti) September 18, 2019

But I do think prior generations DID look and behave "older" than our gen does

I am constantly (generally for the standard peri-menopause, menopause, weight, arthritis, cancer stuff) trying to remember what my mom was like when she was my age -- and coming up with, oh yeah, that was 1990, when I was a depressed, sullen, angry teenager and I hated her (because I hated everyone) so I really remember very little because I was so self-absorbed.

also the fact that drinking/smoking/etc went down a lot in terms of literal physical appearance being affected, I'd argue

Good point. Prob other environmental health factors at play. Better medicine for us, starting from birth. Lead & asbestos not as prevalent? We eat like shit as a whole, but we're all AWARE that we do. Vitamins and skin care routines are de rigeur.

Definitely partially a change in societal expectation but also the fact that drinking/smoking/etc went down a lot in terms of literal physical appearance being affected, I'd argue.

idk - I'd argue that drinking and smoking are things I associate more with younger people than older people - at this point, culturally.

Fashion definitely has played a role, I think, more than these habits. If you look at the increasing similarities between youth and adult fashion?

Genetics still is probably the major factor -- my parents came from similar backgrounds, had similar habits, and when they were in their mid-late 40s (they were highschool sweethearts) - my mom was entirely gray haired and looked her age, and my dad's hair was still completely brown and people thought he was 10 years younger.

The big "whoa I'm old" moment for me came recently when I watched "When They See Us" on Netflix (about the Central Park 5) and realizing that those kids/men - were my age. Incarceration and trauma definitely has an effect on the physical appearance of aging ...

The big "whoa I'm old" moment for me came recently when I watched "When They See Us" on Netflix (about the Central Park 5) and realizing that those kids/men - were my age.

i had a similar reaction to watching that! not that i am old necessarily but it hitting like an anvil on the head that we were and therefore are all the same age. i remember writing a paper about them in high school, probably soon after they were arrested. the thing i remember most was the word "wilding". seeing them as adults made me emotional because they are my peers.

i felt a similar thump when a guy in my hs class died from complications related to chronic alcoholism. it had been so long since i had seen him that he had developed a drinking problem that was so bad that it killed him. that's a long time!!

yeah my dad and mom were already acting like their life was over when they were my age.

In a few weeks, I'll be as old as my mother was when my dad died.

i remember writing a paper about them in high school, probably soon after they were arrested. the thing i remember most was the word "wilding". seeing them as adults made me emotional because they are my peers.

It made me feel old because you see them as adults near the end of the series -- and they look fairly old -- and the series, along with so many others now (e.g. season 3 of Riverdale) shows that time as a "period piece" -- like, 1990 is "historical" ... that incident was definitely one of the reasons my mom forbade me from going to college in NYC -- mom logic being: if a nice white girl got raped and almost murdered there, then undoubtedly this will happen to you -- which I realize now was only a year later.

45 here. Firstly I gave up drinking 17 years ago, which I think has been a major factor in not looking as old as my parents did at my age, despite neither of them being big drinkers. But the biggest difference by far is that I walk at least 3 miles a days and do other exercises as well (planking! I should try that again even though it's very hard). I know for certain that neither of my parents exercises at all in their mid 40s. I think that my father bought a tracksuit in the early 80s and went jogging literally twice, but that was it.

um, is the majority of ilx in their forties now? is it all over?

xp - i didn't think they looked old necessarily but knowing what they had been through had aged them in ways the eye both can and can't see made me want to know them better, to watch everything. after watching the ava du vernay series i watched everything else i could find with them speaking as adults -- an interview with oprah, the ken burns doc, anything -- just to see them over and over as adults. they remind me of people i know irl.

um, is the majority of ilx in their forties now? is it all over?
two separate questions! :) what is "it"?

um, is the majority of ilx in their forties now?

nah, pretty sure majority is in their 30s but a significant number are in their late 30s

shows that time as a "period piece" -- like, 1990 is "historical"

I will never be able to wrap my head around the fact that the 60s are the same temporal distance from me as a kid as the 90s are to kids now. The 50s were only 30 years before my childhood in the 80s. Now the 80s are basically MORE than 30 yrs ago to kids! The 50s seemed sooooooo ancient to me as a kid. 50s/60s were relatively recent to my parents; "oh yeah the 50s, when I was in high school...good times...that don't seem all that long ago".

How old are you as of Jan 09, 2008?

you can take this and add 11 years i guess? though there's no way there's that many people on here anymore

I have lived my life measured in ILE posts