Worst Films of 2019

obv

my friend had a screener and it’s like barely a movie

so smarmy and self-regarding that it had the unintended effect of making me believe jewell did it

"did you do it?"
"No"
"Did you do it?"
"No"
"Did you do it?"
"No"
"We think you did."
"Oh."

HER SMELL is easily my favorite movie of the year, probably top 5 of the decade

i lasted about twenty minutes and then the person i was with simultaneously leaned in at the same time i did and we both said "wanna go?" more or less at once

Has everyone read the Wiki synopsis for Last Christmas already

Scenario I cannot ever imagine myself in, regardless of whatever came next:

Slides actual cash money toward a cashier. "One adult for Her Smell, please."

Who stands in line anymore

I'm waiting for Smell Her, personally.

Sir...

Thanks for the heads up on Last Christmas, Simon. I don't know how it took the Hallmark Channel so long to get one of their movies into an actual theater, but good on em.

I'm waiting for Smell Her

A sequel to Talk to Her?

Or Ben Hur.

Ben Hur break her any way you want her

yahoo headline:

Clint Eastwood's record-breaking movie flop

Unlike the breakout success of "Joker," the debate surrounding "Richard Jewell" did little to inspire interest among moviegoers.

it is truly some deeply astonishing shit to see one succeed while the other failed.

What’s the deal with Richard Jewell, is that a Batman thing too?

Richard Jewell is a renowned jewelry thief looking for one last score. Unfortunately, the job goes bad and he is pursued by veteran cop Olin Picks, who is three days from retirement.

That's when The Man With No Name shows up

Richard Jewell was so inspired by vajazzling that he created a similar line of genital adornments for men. Guess what the company was called. Just guess.

The Mule quietly made over $100 million in America last week, so I won't count this fucker out yet.

er last year

The new Michael Bay thing, 6 Underground, definitely belongs on this list. I'm not anti-Bay (I own Pain & Gain and respect the Criterion people for picking up on The Rock and Armageddon) but this thing is fucking garbage.

Richard Jewell crucially lacking Baby Yoda

I watched The Fanatic and it's not a "fun" bad movie. Deeply misanthropic.

seriously though, it's not too hard to figure out why a historical drama focused on a little remembered 90's catastrophe starring an unknown guy and titled "guy whose name you don't know" didn't clean up at the box office; the "it's the media stupid" subtext and imaginary honeypot journalist scandal probably muscled out the small sliver of the audience who would otherwise be curious enough to try it

I liked Aniara a lot, btw. Still plan on getting around to Hagazussa.