GOTTA GO FAST: come uhh' anticipate' the SONIC THE HEDGEHOG movie with me i guess

Sega Cinematic Universe looking marginally more classy than the Marvel one

I was watching TV with one of my kids, and after the Sonic trailer she said "didn't this come out already?"

it has come out already

it is out now

it will be out soon

it will never come out

I stopped at a gas station on the way home after the holidays and, while digging through a bin of cut-rate DVDs, I happened upon a sun-bleached VHS copy of this movie. At first, I felt a sense of deep existential despair toward this thing that should not be, but as I held it in my hand, a warmth washed up my arm and conferred a sense of comfort unlike any I had previously experienced. The Sonic videocassette and I are one now, bonded, an amalgam of flesh and plastic sent forth to deliver the word of Sonic unto the heathen masses. Gotta go fast, my children. Gotta go fast.

Guys.

We got a sequel.

I guess this isn't hell like I thought it was and instead it is heaven.

So, uh, how's the first one?

Well look, they wouldn't make a second one if the first was anything less than stellar. What more do you need to know, really.

Hymen Roth from Godfather 2 is in it

I didn't think the first one was unredeemable to be honest, it sort of hung together well enough. Carrey's level of overacting was just about pitched right, Sonic was just annoying enough, Marsden competent playing against a bit of greenscreen.

A solid 5.5/10. A sequel could go either way.

aldo OTM; the original was tolerable, which basically meant it was about a billion times better than it had any right to be

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