making friends and influencing people

(Well not :( cos they are great but I suspect strongo has explored this option as fully as he wants to)

i don't have any real problem talking to people - yesterday I nearly tripped and killed myself, laughed about it with a girl who was sitting where I tripped, and made small talk for five minutes - its just that i have no idea how to extend this small talk into something uh organic without asking for phone numbers and looking like i'm trying to pick people up. also, i do not like ingratiating myself into conversations or situations because i know how often i myself like to be left alone while in public.''

Jess is ME or something. this thread is like looking into a mirror. I like the advice diamond and millar give but i don't drink or smoke. (At least you posted a thread abt it whereas i prob wouldn't).

And look at it this way: at least jess knows more abt pop kulcha. I mean, i don't even know much abt that so its not like i have much of a starting point as far as talking to people.

Another way to make friends is to not take any advice Gareth has ever given you, by the way all of his advice seems to turn out!!! Whatever Gareth advises me to do from now on, I will do the exact opposite.

Next!

Whatever you do, be proactive in doing it. It doesn't have to be you walking up to strangers and trying to start conversations; if you do something that isn't entirely solitary you *will* come into contact with other, probably like-minded, people.

Think of it like looking for a job. If you don't write application letters, ring contacts, etc., something *might* fall in your lap, but it ain't likely. If you start searching, things happen, even if they're not what you're expecting.

DJ STRONGO COMIN THRU!!

YOU KNOW HOW WE DO!!

*KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*

never say i dont know how to pander to an audience

OH NO! NEW SHIT! PETER BROTZMANN FEAT. REDMAN!

*KA-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*

and then show them my willie

ew, who actually makes new friends at bars? isnt it implied that if ppl are talking to you they want to get nakey w/ u ?

there should be a corresponding thread of how to GET PERMANENTLY RID OF PEOPLE YOU KEEP TRYING TO AVOID, especially if THEY HAVE BOTH YOUR CELL AND HOME PHONE #S. But otherwise, on this topic - yeah, as cynical as it sounds, I'm finding as I go thru life, that having a common hate - especially if it's of another person - is a great way to bond with people, and get closer to them.

Haven't had too much luck in my area after 11 years, sadly. Despite my relatively eclectic interests I fear I don't have that magnetic/memorable quality that makes someone wonder what I'm up to today, and social media sickens me (partly because it just motivates me to have pity parties like this). So a bit out of sight out of mind by default, and now pandemic limits ambitions considerably unless I want to engage in some major cognitive dissonance. I just want to have lots of friends to jam and game with. By the way, after being here the exact same amount of time I've honestly not totally felt part of the ilx clique either. So that being said, maybe I can improve. How is everyone doing?

A pandemic does makes things more difficult. My own experience on making irl friends in later life is that voluntary or community activity is probably the only reliable route, for me at least.

Cliques in general are probably not worth the price of entry in terms of effort and commitment balanced against the payoff of belonging (not sure whether there is an ilx clique in practice however).