love* in the time of plague (and by love* i mean brexit* and other dreary matters of uk politics)

Schools close on Friday ‘until further notice’.

Oh Christ I forgot Gavin Williamson was Education.

All schools closed except for children of key workers and vulnerable children.

Love too admit they have to keep the schools open cos it’s the only place some children will be fed.

Absolutely no doubt in mind this speech was delayed because Boris had the shits. He looks terrible.

get well soon big man, hope u don’t shit yrself to agonising death

Love to admit the most important role of the state education system in the UK

but there’s no such thing as society iirc

Remember when you could be fined for taking your kid out of school for a day cos that would irreparably ruin their education

... what happens to the kids of teachers?

They'll go to school, where there'll be a load of edumacating going on

can't wait to get my Morrisons delivery from an 11 year old teacher's kid whose just done a shift at toilet roll factory.

https://www.newstatesman.com/politics/health/2020/03/government-documents-show-no-planning-ventilators-event-pandemic

Will there ever be any accountability

GCSEs and A-Levels cancelled, inevitably.

Feel like these conferences are painting an optimistic picture of how we're ensuring we don't stretch the NHS capacity to deal with serious cases while refusing to state what that capacity is and how close we are to it.

If the schools measure is an ineffective a delay tactic as it's been stated over the past week then why change and why now?

On of the journos attempted to get the PM to call his father immoral.

Lloyd Russell-Moyle has tested positive according to the local news. He's also HIV positive, fuck

After a 6 day wait for results I have just been informed I have tested positive to COVID-19.

— Lloyd Russell-Moyle MP🌹🇪🇺🏳️‍🌈 (@lloyd_rm) March 18, 2020

those Q3 DB projections are cuckoo

LR-M is positive, yeah, but I believe he’s on antiretrovirals and Terrence Higgins Trust says very much depends on the individual. Fingers crossed for him.

pic.twitter.com/FPr1aGhaTC

— Tom Williams, Socialist Dad (@shirleymush) March 18, 2020

JPMorgan is now predicting the second quarter of this year could see the US economy slump by as much as 14% because of the coronavirus crisis.

Q1: -4%
Q2: -14%
Q3: +8%
Q4: +4%

Full year: -1.5% overall.

If the bank’s second-quarter prediction is accurate, it would mean that this year will see the worst three-month economic period in the US since World War II.

lads, ur Q3 numbers are at it also

xp

if only Starmer was just simply a downgrade, but he's just a complete change in direction to the point where the DUP and Trump have been fiscally to the left of him in recent weeks. Although sometimes it's hard to tell where he is at because he has that melt style of speaking in platitudes (in his pathetic fucking voice).

+8% on the pent-up demand for haircuts and yoga classes. I personally plan on getting two manicures a day as soon as this thing passes.

Hell I might get a haircut when all this is over

receding fuckers like me are nihilists not stylists and just need a shaver on No2 and a mirror, not like these Starmerite melts with their poncey brylcreem hairdos like erm... Kim Jong Un!

It's been less than a week and we're already on "I'm gonna get me one of them fancy haircuts" talk

my local barber does skin fades, hot towel shaves, ears and nasal hairs - the lot and local thugs of all ages love the place. When you are a halfway member of the bald community you just dare not walk into a barbers - not been in one since 2007 now.

The UK is the only major country in Europe not to have announced that it will subsidise employees’ wages or make direct cash payments to its citizens. (Via @georgegrylls) https://t.co/XFpO3ccinw

— George Eaton (@georgeeaton) March 18, 2020

🐦[My friend works for Weatherspoon Bristol. This is what they got today from owner - ’UK is right to keep pubs open, following the Dutch position"
She gets no handgel, no masks and is not allowed to wear gloves. pic.twitter.com/w6L9AKfwBD🕸
— Daniela Gabor (@DanielaGabor) March 17, 2020🕸]🐦

bludgeoning Tim martin to death with a sledgehammer and shutting up all his stinking pisshole pubs would be some justifiable state intervention/homicide if it potentially saved lots of lives during this next upward curve of infection. Seriously though...

I would literally stab a random stranger for a pint and a cig atm

Pure make believe from forecasters that the growth in q3 and 4 will nearly match the loss in q2 as no one knows what will happen next week, never mind in q3

Sorry but none of ye can match my extremely deep regret about not getting a haircut- my hair is already fine to start with and it doesn’t really suit this length. It’s going to be four feet long and three inches wide by the time this is over.

time to start shaving yr own head imo, i’ve been doing it for nearly 10 years and it’s very therapeutic

also if you fuck it up you’ll have plenty of time to grow it out while self-isolating

maybe we'll be able to print out our own cutting templates so we can cut our own hair to any style we like as long as it's bowl-shaped

I realise this is pretty niche but some clarity on how we're going to grade the poor bugger Y11s who won't be taking their GCSEs this year would be nice. If nothing else, they're on the verge of mutiny anyway, some of them are quite big and angry, and I have to teach two classes of the bastards tomorrow!

Also very much of the 'shave one's own head' brigade. It's a piece of pish.

Yeah the husband has a clippers and I’m considering it but I’m too afraid of having a funny shaped head to do it.

I was lying I’m not gonna cut my hair

More renters will need free hair cuts at this rate:

"landlords and tenants will be expected to work together to establish an affordable repayment plan"

Policy for renters in the crisis is to saddle them with a huge lump of debt. That's an irresponsible and short-sighted plan - nowhere near good enoughhttps://t.co/npKcIjUnJ1

— James B (@piercepenniless) March 18, 2020

It's fucking head-cutz that is needed here

I genuinely hope the first landlord to do eviction proceedings during this period gets fucking lynched and battered to death tbh

"We are all in this together.." says some mendacious Landlord Association representative cunt. No we are not, and never have been, unless "we" is the Conservative Party. fucking cunts.

Millions of renters urgently need support but the small print of the Government’s plans raise serious questions.

There is a real danger it will leave tenants exposed after building up debt through no fault of their own. Renters should not lose out because of this crisis. https://t.co/lcFnmadRe8

— Keir Starmer (@Keir_Starmer) March 18, 2020

the leader of the opposition has spoken quite politely and indirectly with his quivering hand on his Victorian mantelpiece again. Perhaps there is a real danger he is going to turn the Labour Party into something even lamer than the Swinson Lib-Dems at this rate.

Michael Walker on Novara this evening incredibly otm on the complete ineptitude of *all the Lab leadership candidates* in doing fuck all to challenge the Tory-media-complex over the past two weeks
https://youtu.be/57_umvxuUFE

Corbyn has been very good though!

Look if you don't watch out Keir Starmer is going to allude the fact that others may pose questions to the Tory leadership over their response to this health crisis

bah timing ruined by poor subbing

you are still completely correct tho!

I’m really upset calz has a dn, it feels wrong somehow

Yet another sign that the rapture is nigh.

xp

you should be more upset that it is shite!

The prime minister said: “The great thing about having a test to see whether you’ve had it, is suddenly a green light goes on above your head and you can go back to work safe and confident in the knowledge that you are most unlikely to get it again.

Something something easier to imagine the end of the world something something.