in which we list our own cv19 symptoms (speculative)

55. perineal fog

56. idiopathic foreskin

57. I'm alive

58. hot heart and moist brain

59. clothes ripped like the incredible hulk

60. enlarged navel fluff

61. cuticle arrhythmia

62. Increased spousal sensitivity to unvarnished patio furniture

63. shortness of sockets

64. incorrect use of semicolons

fuck i need tested; asap

65. urethral logorrhea

66. mixcloud play queue now 3,000 NTS shows long

67. Matt Bianco earworm

69. trouble with adhering to sequenced lists

68. Can’t suffer a gap

70. Soccer tongue*

* (imago has this symptom)

71. recurring fits of 'agronomist's complaint'

72. trap in

73. soldiers' pay
74. mosquitoes
75. sartoris
76. the sound
77. the fury

78. feverish hot takes

79. switching to instant coffee, but not for reasons of budgeting or supply

80. my eyes switched places

81. feet are exactly one foot long

82. uncaring hair

83. undiagnosed ability to juggle

84. every other toe is on fire
85. heart on sleeve
86. adequate knuckles

87. a sudden and demonstrated preference for spiral bound notebooks, specifically those ones where the wire spiral binding curls inwards slightly at the ends so it doesn’t get caught on your jumper

88. excessive and unexplained bleeding from hand after driving letter opener through hand

89. Speculative post mortem

90. ham fists, chicken legs

91. remembers the movie Short Circuit 2 with fondness

88. male menstruation

93. baker’s cough
94. ears taped shut

95. reverse pooping

just realized 93 is actually a thing :(

Perhaps you meant 'banker's cough'?

calz two contributions are possibly the best things to come out of this entire situation imo

Hadrian and OL brought the lols

96. vague, existential unease

97. Feverish shitposting

98. Increased daytime access to food and booze, leading to excess eating and drinking.

Lol these are all song lyrics.

99. pancreatic amnesia

100. clear plastic golf trousers

101. sudden ability to play the trumpet (as-yet-untested, tbf)

102. Black smoke belching from open mouth.

Okay, this one is 100% serious and mysterious and I wasn't sure where to share it before, but:

On my last day in the outside world, I left work and went on one last grocery run. Among the groceries I bought were four cans of soup, of a variety and brand that I regularly buy. These were the only canned goods I bought that day. I did self-checkout and bagged everything myself, so I know precisely what went in the bags. And I was mindful to not go hog wild on things like canned goods because I was going to be lugging all that shit on my shoulder all the way home and it adds up. The weight, I mean. So I get home, I put away my groceries, and because the cabinets were getting a little overfilled, I put a bag of less perishable stuff in another room. Namely, the four cans of soup and a loaf of bread. At that point, we were on lockdown, leaving basically only for walks and to like get the mail. No one else has been in the apartment. So like a week later, as we started to make some room in the cabinets, I thought: oh hey, guess I'll put away that loaf of bread and those four soup cans. So I went to the bag and...there were like ten soup cans in there, all but the four of a different variety and brand than I have ever bought. I...have no idea where they came from. No idea whatsoever. Literally the only way this could have happened via non-supernatural means is if someone slipped them into my shopping bag while my attention was diverted on the train home that day.

So:

103. mystery soup manifesting from the void

soup cans be fuckin’

103. mystery soup manifesting from the void

Have you considered changing your display name?

183. Strangely attracted to Everest from Paw Patrol.