Joe Biden, Senator from Citibank (oops, DELAWARE), to Run for President

this is probably the last possible moment that thinking about the next republican primary is weirdly soothing

I asked a friend on Facebook this week when The Bride was going to take Crenshaw's other eye.

Another ad hitting that spot and building hatred.

So I guess the new transatlantic thing is a neck and neck race between the Labour Party and the Democrats, now both firmly in the control of their sensible wings, as to whose electability dream can deflate the fastest https://t.co/wE09h3xJWy

— gentle stunts (@raaleh) April 20, 2020

Hasson is a Daily Caller goon, no one's going to see or give a shit about that ad or Pelosi's freezer either way unless they're already invested in wanting to put her in prison or carry her everywhere on a gilded throne.

Democratic strategist Leah Daughtry believes that Biden’s younger campaign staff, led by Sanders, are the ones who can break through during a media-monopolizing crisis. “Having folks like Symone, who have their pulse on what’s happening and what people are paying attention to, is essential,” she says, citing the vice president slipping into DJ D-Nice’s social-distancing Instagram dance party, a cameo Sanders helped orchestrate, as a recent example.

Sanders also co-organized a virtual happy hour for young Americans with Biden on topics ranging from LGBTQ+ rights to student loan debt. She tweeted a photo of her white Hennessy and apple juice on the rocks with the caption, “Let’s settle in for some real talk with @JoeBiden.” Biden himself, who does not drink, sipped orange Gatorade. When asked about his guilty pleasures, he admitted two: ice cream and his 1967 Corvette.

Two teetotaling presidents back to back, ugh.

I remember reading about Biden's abstemious habits sometime in the '00s but couldn't remember why -- alcoholic dad?

ice cream?! joe biden eats ice cream?! and how much ice cream does he keep in his fridge during coronavirus?!

*intensely over-exposed high contrast black and white footage of evil joe biden*
*voiceover: joe biden EATS ice cream while children STARVE. joe biden still enjoys "pleasures", even though he admits they are "guilty"*

everyone on the right, left, and punditry: holy shit that was a good ad! amazing ad, very convincing!

grandma: i don't remember where i heard it but joe biden is eating children and he is guilty!
grandson: shut the fuck up grandma! SHUT THE FUCK UP GRANDMA!
mother: i just don't know who or what is right or wrong any more, i just don't kn

you're frisky today

citing the vice president slipping into DJ D-Nice’s social-distancing Instagram dance party

had that thought earlier when I saw the atty general of Missouri is suing China/the CCP

again, this is the stupidest reality we're stuck in
― Fuck the NRA (ulysses)

so is a Hennessy and apple juice

The characterization that it took orchestration is even dumber

Though I guess it wouldn't actually be a surprise if there had been a week of meetings about which emoji Diamond Joe should use to announce his presence.

well do I remember when Governor Bill Clinton was asked about boxers or briefs on MTV.

was gonna say "sure but was that during a mass plague that was killing thousands" but

Full quote/context: pic.twitter.com/IqiC9tnPTf

— Katie Glueck (@katieglueck) April 22, 2020

the phrase "like a monkey trying to fuck a football" comes to mind

tried it!

icymi, p4reene

While the testing fiasco is the administration’s most egregious failure so far, there is really no shortage of fertile material for political messaging....

[But] Biden has chosen to level an accusation that doesn’t track at all with anyone’s understanding of Trump’s character and motivations.

That’s right: It’s time to get serious about China. The Biden campaign, after telegraphing a plan to accuse Donald Trump of having “rolled over for the Chinese,” released an ad this week accusing Trump of doing just that, mainly by tweeting complimentary things about the Chinese government (which had no material effect whatsoever on our own country’s handling of the coronavirus).

...Trump didn’t “roll over” for China; he is planning to blame them for his own, ongoing, metastasizing ineptitude. His opponent might consider pointing out the consequences of that ineptitude instead of co-signing the bullshit excuse.

https://newrepublic.com/article/157393/bidens-incoherent-china-bashing-attack-trump

https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2020-04-23/larry-summers-advising-biden-campaign-on-economic-recovery

that's a relief: I was getting worried the banks might get left out of the recovery

Obviously I'm nobody's wonk, but I predict that we won't be getting Bernie or Liz as a VP pick in any kind of attempt to unite the party.

https://cdn11.bigcommerce.com/s-oum5xvwhlh/images/stencil/1280x1280/products/318/735/joebetoamypeteMikeCoryKamala_black_unisexFront__86067.1583775792.png?c=1&imbypass=on

"Mike" and his memorable ten days as a contender, huh

Mike! You know - our good friend Mike?

Always been a Democrat. Ring a bell?

These days on my walks I see one too many MAGA flies unfurled in front of houses, some as big as hot air balloons. Can't wait to wear my Biden shirt as they glare.

Owning the cons

rejected Bowie album title

the only acceptable Biden shirt would be a spin on the Natl Lampoon's "or we'll shoot this dog"

I honestly blanked on who "Mike" was, and for a second wondered if it meant Michael Bennett.

Or Mike Gravel lol

Can't believe he hasn't endorsed yet

I bet the Gravel Teens are endorsing Jesse Ventura

I’ll entertain this because I’m sure mainstream media has already pumped this thought into people’s heads. You should always vote ethically. No exceptions. If DemoCRIPs and ReBLOODlicans aren’t up to your standards then why the hell are you voting them in? https://t.co/zNwigiVTHZ

— Jesse Ventura (@GovJVentura) April 23, 2020

I see his talent for sparkling wordplay remains.

rebloodlican isn't too bad

Ventura will always rule for suing Chris Kyle's widow and winning

rebloodlican isn't too bad

Good enough for Kendrick!

he's recycling his material from 2012 I see:

https://www.amazon.ca/DemoCRIPS-ReBLOODlicans-More-Gangs-Government/dp/1616084480

NEWS: Former Treasury Secretary Larry Summers is advising the Biden campaign on the economy, among others. Many progressives have made clear they are not fans of his. https://t.co/oBeda5cQ8G

— Jennifer Epstein (@jeneps) April 23, 2020

many progressives otm

larry summers? really?

really summers, larry

it’s ok. I’m sure he has some great ideas this time!

the biden cabinet is going to be a lot of c-listers and Obama second-admin retreads, and that’s going to be a billion times better than kush and mnuchin

I’d maybe spot you a million times better but a billion seems doubtful

Let’s meet in the middle then, like pragmatism

i'll raise you both 2 million

We should simply calculate the precise expected utility of each presidential candidate and vote that way

i will get right on that!