Real England

ooo i could murder a big bowl of peonies right now

https://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/uk-news/woman-beach-wales-thought-england-18306085

A woman who was stopped by police walking on a beach due to lockdown rules launched a tirade of abuse as she claimed she "didn't realise Wales wasn't in England" as she went on to call Welsh people a "bunch of b*******."

In a video posted on social media, the woman can be seen arguing with two officers on a Gwynedd beach on Wednesday, the hottest day of the year so far, reports the Daily Post.

The woman is understood to have travelled more than 100 miles from the West Midlands to Barmouth with her children, despite coronavirus lockdown rules.

But when two police officers asked her to leave, she did not appear to understand the Welsh lockdown rules, claiming she was within her rights to be there because “Boris Johnson said that you can”.

Usain Bolt from Barnsley pic.twitter.com/w3GuNhQb4K

— 𝒞𝒽𝓁𝑜𝑒 🌻 (@clbzyx) May 30, 2020

lmao

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aiv-Rw2OgRQ

a youtube train spotter who has a bizarre enthusiasm for those creaking nightmarish pacer trains that blight all our lives in the north:

"here's the inside of one of the Class 142's with the bench style seating (the best kind)"

Just watched the Ogmios, it is very excellent, improved by the fact that where he's driving around is very much my manor (house)

We need a 'Real Scotland' thread.

A disgusted passerby said: "It's terrible what the swans around here have got to put up with."#MankySwanhttps://t.co/5HRG8PTj1O

— The Daily Record (@Daily_Record) June 5, 2020

The proliferation of cruel anti-cow graffiti (as reported on brass eye) is now getting directed at swans, you hate to see it.

Watch to the very end.

pic.twitter.com/MTpDOD5Try

— Happening 🔞 (@witzhappening) June 8, 2020

looool

The dude filming it calling him a legend, laughing his ass off but just before the end says "he went that way"...

Another one, this is strange now.

Like something straight out of the Beano, but it does look a bit fake. Police don't normally wear the chinstrap down like that iirc?

They do in a high-scamp area though.

I’m calling the police pic.twitter.com/1WIG3bhQZR

— mnrrntt2 and 87 (@mnrrntt) June 21, 2020

from the led by donkeys wikipedia page

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/c/c9/A_Led_by_Donkeys_billboard_quoting_Boris_Johnson_saying_leaving_the_EU_will_cause_uncertainty.jpg

Knife fight between daytripping Londoners near the amusements at Bournemouth Pier is pretty retro Real England.

Knife fight at a beach rave in Sheppey, a more modern approach.

Let's hope the Teds stay out of it this time

Still with Kent Online,

Controversy struck yesterday after Kent Police tweeted out a photo of two officers holding the Gypsy Roma Traveller flag, prompting hundreds of angry responses from the public.

....

Mr Ferrari shot back at the councillor, arguing that police should not get involved in political campaigning and asking him: "Why fly a flag for Gypsy rights?"

The LBC host continued to tell listeners about his time living in Kent, when a toilet and plasterboard was dumped into his parent's land, to which Cllr Osborne said we should be careful to point fingers at who is responsible for fly-tipping.

Mr Ferarri added: "Why can they not tweet quick enough about Gypsy rights, but we have to ask about Armed Forces Day?"

Illustrated with this picture of Cllr Osborne for some reason.

https://i.postimg.cc/GmCZyPcP/LSB15-HVHRLNQDEYO5-LEH.jpg

i noticed via the radio the other day that it's Armed Forces *Week*, not just a simple day for our brave boys and girls

then the Beeb had some chinless cunt doing PR for the military but i turned over

Armed Forces 24/7 365 in Kent, baby.

shitting in burger box at the beach is classic Real England

12 tonnes of rubbish left on Bournemouth beach yesterday. People had even defecated in burger boxes & left on beach. We are creating a pandemic & pollution hell on Earth #Covid19UK #plasticpollution pic.twitter.com/FoYcvligF1

— dominic dyer (@domdyer70) June 25, 2020

i can only imagine with a shudder of gratitude for being elsewhere

U aim for the box, u best not miss

There was once this really unpleasant character who used to often hog the local phone box for hours (this was in the pre-mobile phone era) and often make innapeopriately sexual comments to any children in the area. So My partner's nephew and neice decided to leave him a present in the phone box, they shat in a ferrerero Roche box and left it on the shelf for him. He definitely wasn't impressed when he opened it!

So many questions.

Like one big shit or loads of little ones, one for each chocolate?

Lmao. 'Yo dawg we heard you're being a shit in a box, so we put a shit in a box in the box you're a shit in'

You ask that and not whether it was wrapped in gold foil?

I can't remember which one shat in it but they were 12 and 13 years old at the time if that helps!

Clearly the trick is to drop a massive tartare-induced deuce then to carefully sculpt it into a dozen chocolatey pebbles before wrapping them, Midas-like, in foils of gold.

Probably advisable for the 13 year old to play the Ambassador, bit more gravitas.

Stage one: open the box

Nothing was wrapped, so God knows why this fule even picked the box up, but he did!

I like eat a Ferrero Rocher box, shit it out and then spread the resulting paste between two intact Ferrero Rocher boxes

I think the phone box guy was addicted to sex chatlines. I'm not joking he would be in there for hours, possibly on speed, he'd even bring his bathroom rug in there with him some days!

Classic Real England, they don't make 'em like that any more

I was walking along the Regent's Canal once (up near St Pancras old church) and saw the most beautiful, ornate box floating along by the side. Looking back I should have known better, but I fished it out - all finely folded thick white card on a light wooden plinth, replete with a bow - and opened it up. Inside, lovingly inlaid, was a perfectly formed human shite. I fully expected Lisa Riley or someone to jump out with a camera but nothing.

itt: posts with beautiful vivid imagery

Classic Real England, they don't make 'em like that any more

― tired of waiting for icu (Matt #2), Friday, 26 June 2020 14:33 (yesterday) bookmarkflaglink

RIP phone boxes

https://www.theargus.co.uk/news/18561160.angry-mods-descend-brighton-battle-madeira-drive/

So tempted to hit the spoons and then go and laugh at the angry mods in the miserable pissy rain

“Heaven,” said Bert Lockley, a regular, sipping his first pint of draught Guinness for three months. “I’ve missed this more than my missus when she left,” Lockley said.

Here are the bar staff at The Alliance Inn @MENnewsdesk pic.twitter.com/1lRB2kscTk

— Rebecca Day (@RebeccaDayMEN) July 4, 2020

I admire their enthusiasm but each of those blow up sex dolls will have been through enough hands by 11pm to qualify as a superspreader event in their own right.

Spreading what though?

thatcherism https://t.co/9vlKfWzZ0A

— friends of pudding (@friend2pudding) July 13, 2020

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EdtlIseXsAEGRex?format=jpg&name=4096x4096

couldn't get a proper pic because i feel like a creep taking pics of local posh tory houses even though I'm quite inclined to be very nosy about what these ppl are like and wtf makes them tick! But this house has a nameplate: "Aslan's How" with a homemade laminated rona rainbow pic in the window : "God is in control"

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EdyKRkyXgAI9p1F?format=jpg&name=4096x4096

just sighted my first old-school horse and cart "real" scrapper in ages, huge rigger boots on as well - scrapper to the core this dude was.