Posts you had second thought about and decided not to post - put them here

I had no idea about the reason 'old poster' didnt want to be known by old name until something like 6 months ago or so.

I had just assumed it was "don't use my govt name" which had often been said by that poster.
I think most ilxors ,esp those like me who dont use SNA and only really read ILM would never have read any of those threads where it was discussed.

I'm happy to use pronouns that someone prefers, but they do need to tell me.
I realise that someone will get fed up having to do that but how on earth are we meant to know?

Sic, all I can say is, I remember things differently, and you've made a lot of assumptions as towards motives (both mine and other people's), and left a lot of important contextual stuff out. (For a start, you are continuing to attribute the actions of someone else's sock puppet impersonator, to me - even though I made it clear at the time, and afterwards, that it wasn't me? They tried to steal my identity, so I stole their name.)

I started to type out corrections and explanations and additions - there is no point. People are going to believe what they want to believe, and nothing I can say is going to change that. People see their own actions as harmless and other people's actions as weirdly malevolent, and that goes both ways.

There are some people here who like me, engage with me pleasantly, value my voice and encourage me to stay. There are some people who cannot stand even the idea of me, and actively wish me harm, and it is a waste of time trying to please the latter.

attribute the actions of someone else's sock puppet impersonator

Apologies (to Branwell and passersby) if so - I don't have any recollection at all of New Poster's name, but will have a look back and recontextualise if you want to post or ilxmail it.

Sic, I would honestly prefer to drop it at this point.

We remember things differently. Let's leave it at that, no hard feelings towards you.

(Maybe now that ILX *is* a more trans-friendly space than it was in 2012, maybe it needs a dedicated pronouns thread, where people can, if they feel comfortable, log their pronouns for easy searching, if other people are not sure?)

There are some people here who like me, engage with me pleasantly, value my voice and encourage me to stay. There are some people who cannot stand even the idea of me, and actively wish me harm, and it is a waste of time trying to please the latter

You describe another binary situation...but I don't think it's like that....And I don't think all this history is necessary. I think its a lot simpler.

From my own subjective, and partial view of events you basically dropped into the LGBTs thread and in the course of giving advice, started to trying to police it in robust and offensive ways:

This thread is like 99% cis gays, talking about cock all day long, casually equating cock = man, etc. etc. and so on

Overall, (again in my subjective view) some people reacted remarkably well, but unsurprisingly some were offended and upset.

I was asking why some bioessentialism around genitals and gender was OK, and why some wasn't.

This is a repeated thing, within queer spaces, why "woman" is a contested space, and why "vagina" is a contested space, but why "man" is so seldom a contested space, and why "cock" is so seldom a contested space.

If you want to see that as 'policing', that's your interpretation. That's your subjective view.

Other interpretations are available. That maybe that is a genuine question? Something I am really curious about. It's not an easy question, it's not a question with immediate answers. It's a question that definitely makes people uncomfortable. But maybe it is a question that deserves thought and consideration and actual exploration of that topic?

When I think about stuff like "policing", I tend to think about stuff like - why are lesbian identities so heavily policed? Not even just within the queer community, like in the ~general population~, like, this was stuff I was encountering in the wild only a few weeks ago, which led to conversations in my DMs that I was referencing on the Bad Faith / Good Faith thread?

Why *aren't* gay male identities so heavily policed in the way?

Why is me even framing cock discourse in the exact ways that vagina discourse is framed, considered to be *me* policing?

Probably because you saw a lighthearted joke between Alfred and Morbius and immediately took it to offensive places because Brad dared wonder why you were opining on the AMAB experience?

Gyac, correct me if I'm wrong, but I've never seen you identify as queer. You don't seem to be trans, or nonbinary. You are, as far as I know so please correct me if I'm wrong, a cis woman in a heterosexual relationship, and the only engagement I've ever seen you show with trans issues is terf discourse. Why do you feel like you are the best-placed person to play den mother and arbitrate in internicine struggles between conflicting groups of queer people? I really don't know why you think you have that authority let alone the context to do that.

We've had enough discussion about jokes and about humour on ILX, that... jokes, even lighthearted ones, are not somehow exempt from discourse, they are part of it. And dismissing stuff as 'just a joke' is, y'know. Not the power move you think it is.

The prevalence of the 'Gold Star Gay' ~born this way~ trope, and the One True Trans narrative, have been so prevalent and so normative in queer discourse, that we have tropes and names for them - to emphasise the importance of contesting them.

That Brad walked in, saw me naming a trope in order to contest it, and went beserk, deciding that I was propegating the very trope that I was contesting.

That was a really, truly bizarre experience.

ban imo

Bran do you ever wonder what the common thread in the bizarre and inexplicable experiences you seem to regularly have where people become hostile to you is

Branwell, the lgbt thread (called self-isolating this spring) was started in April. You had made zero contributions up until five days ago taking offence at Alfred's 'I miss cock'. It wasn't in any way a remark with grand sweeping statements behind it, either. All other thread participants seemed to understand this, only you, who suddenly barged in, did not. Speaking of bad faith and not reading a room...

I don't want to be on an ilx where a gay man can't say - and it's irrelevant if it was a joke or a sincere remark! - that he misses cock.

already mourning the cock war casualties

Branwell, the lgbt thread (called self-isolating this spring) was started in April. You had made zero contributions up until five days ago taking offence at Alfred's 'I miss cock'. It wasn't in any way a remark with grand sweeping statements behind it, either. All other thread participants seemed to understand this, only you, who suddenly barged in, did not. Speaking of bad faith and not reading a room...

― Scampidocio (Le Bateau Ivre), Saturday, 1 August 2020 11:35 bookmarkflaglink

That's not what happened.

I've been lurking on the threads for about 5/6 years now. I saw someone ask a question specificly about an AFAB child who was wrestling with gender and sexual identity. I saw a couple of cis gays struggling to answer the question - I thought that some perspective from an AFAB who has wrestled with gender and sexual identity would be helpful, and he told me it was.

A decision I made in good faith, but have completely come to regret, because it's been rewritten and projected to be in such bad faith hased on Brad's complete misunderstanding and mireading of what I said.

It's now time for this to stop. If you have further opinions on Branwell, maybe go and start a "criticise Branwell" thread because other people are really getting tired of it. This is so tiresome for me, I can't imagine what it's like for everyone else.

Gyac, correct me if I'm wrong, but I've never seen you identify as queer. You don't seem to be trans, or nonbinary. You are, as far as I know so please correct me if I'm wrong, a cis woman in a heterosexual relationship, and the only engagement I've ever seen you show with trans issues is terf discourse. Why do you feel like you are the best-placed person to play den mother and arbitrate in internicine struggles between conflicting groups of queer people? I really don't know why you think you have that authority let alone the context to do that.

We've had enough discussion about jokes and about humour on ILX, that... jokes, even lighthearted ones, are not somehow exempt from discourse, they are part of it. And dismissing stuff as 'just a joke' is, y'know. Not the power move you think it is.

can’t we just have a “step into the ring” thread for this

We tried:

Post here when you want to shit on someone passive aggressively until they see it and start a fight with you ITT

seems like a halfway measure

anyway, to get on “topic”:

Wikipedia, for reference

what is a uniform distribution anyway, ehh who cares, here you go

I am not sure why my bona fides are now under question when you can’t answer why you were making a daft generalisation about the AMAB experience

okay ... uh ... you realize you are kinda proving Branwell's point ... like, why are _you_ on the attack? Why is this "answer" important to you? Why don't you stay in your lane? ... Now you can easily flip that on me, fair game. ...

My stake here is that I have been the subject of ilx pile-ons, I have seen other posters receive this treatment unfairly, and I have had friends experience this type of treatment IRL. It feels like bullying and punching down and is painful to see people I generally like and respect participate in something like this. It is super fucking traumatizing to the person being attacked.

Now, sometimes, the person being piled-on has legitimately wronged someone, or there is past history, like what sic referred to (whether correctly or incorrectly), but this type of interaction is not going to make that person "better" ... assuming the intent is to get the person being attacked to take accountability and make amends and work on bettering themself? If the intent is punishment, then y'all are doing a great job at inflicting that. If y'all want some catharsis, you might be getting that too. But otherwise, this just sucks.

In the context of the incident that provoked this, there are two main people involved, both of whom are already dealing with trauma, ... Branwell has clearly described theirs and Brad's responses to the posts definitely indicate a sensitivity that is totally related to trauma ... and that makes this toxic pile-on even worse to watch, esp. when you have "more privileged" posters joining in the pile-on.

Starting to wish I'd just gone to r/askreddit.

That feeling when you inadvertently step in some dog poop, but actually it's a mine field and the mines are filled with dog poop and shards of glass. Gah. Sorry.

sarahell, did you read the block quoted text where Branwell attacked gyac's character, which had zero relevance to the argument?

wow @ this
I'm not reading what you say
I'm going to judge it anyway
Now you listen to me!

I know such "discussion" board behaviour is common but it's unusual to see it so candidly admitted.

I saw the new Troye Sivan video and was startled at how much he's kinda biting a Patrick Wolf look and almost posted "Patrick Wolf got fucked so that Troye could get fisted, huh" but then I had second thoughts about it

I mean you just did

if only this were the thread for that :)

^ had second thoughts about, added a smiley

feel like the old farts of ILM might be comfier on that music producer lad's site they keep ripping on

threads like this are an excellent resource for derision

It’s goo

there is WW1 memorial I often pass which has For The Glory Of Goo inscribed on it, people died for goo!

I mean
It wasn't derision so much as it was appreciation coming from a place of negativity

There is another meaning there and it's not supposed to be necessarily obvious so that's all good.

Jolly goo

I think some of us are talking at cross purposes a bit, I was amused by yr post fgti.

kk good
it wasn't coming from a place of bottom-shaming, neither, I'm not Perez, I firmly believe that the more dilated the anus, the closer to god

you better believe i just googled the phrase "anal chakra"

https://kosmicrockstar.com/2017/06/06/the-power-of-anal-penetration/

it's less about survivor's guilt and more about survivor's confusion. understanding there's no real reason why i've survived, so far, and he didn't. if he was alive, you know, he might actually have figured a lot of this shit out for himself, possibly do a better job of it than my own ham-fisted stumblings about. he's not, though.

fair, although ofc everyone's shit is somewhat distinct, as the old cliche goes

Wow I was confused for a moment but yeah
tbh I've been having major spirals the past two months and I wanna tell people "if only you knew the unbearable pain of persistent suicidality, it is more intense than anything else" and I guess I read your post as trivializing, even if it wasn't <3

it is a difficult topic to talk about, the actual experience of suicidality. not just for internal reasons, but knowing that for some people, hearing someone talking about it can not just hurt them but put them in danger. so i try to circumlocute the topic, and in this case what i was saying was too raw, circumlocution didn't make it any easier.

everyone reading this, particularly everyone participating in this particular little convo, i care about you and i hope you can stay safe.

there is WW1 memorial I often pass which has For The Glory Of Goo inscribed on it, people died for goo!

was it Minchenhampton or somewhere in the Cotswolds? As a kid there was a cafe there that had this delicious treat called goo -- chocolate, caramel, cookie base -- it was, er, to die for

You can't produce wine without crushing a few grapes.

xp

it's at Thornhill rectory in W Yorkshire, it looks like Goo but my eyesight is bad and I do admit to a tendency to be flippant about war memorials. Goo sounds nice!

https://i.imgflip.com/4an2hw.jpg

Ooh, I could vote in an ILM poll

in the spirit of #onethread, is there a thread where we can find out who the fuck these new user and display names are?

also reading this whole thing and then going back through the LGBT thread has made me think about Bimble, and how i bet Bimble would have been a real delight to have in these conversations. seriously!

Mountain View, not San Jose ... tourist

Indeed, I was visiting.