Joe Biden, Senator from Citibank (oops, DELAWARE), to Run for President

not literally shitting but playing videos in youth group that showed the batshittery of Mormonism and pointing and laughing at them, while at the same time believing the world was literally 6,000 years old and that evolution was a lie.

those were the days.

i have never heard of Moroni, but here is my impression of what my dad would say about it:

"Moroni was unclean, but wasn't Yeshua the most pure of all? Moroni was thus cleaned, Amein, just as all the impure will be cleansed during the Wrath. Moroni thus becomes Moronua, the original Latin term, the true name, and we shall spread the salt on the fallow fields in His name. can you please pass the wine? i want to drink it half and half with tap water because i'm a fucking moroni"

I only believe in Xenu.

Is your dad our century’s William Blake?

*asks jeeves and returns back 35 seconds later from a Stormfront page*

"I know everything about Xenu now, my son, and it turns out that in order to hold the most true belief, i must now say something incredibly racist that contradicts everything you knew about Xenu"

the NASDAQ is up 1.2% on news that my dad has been selected as biden's VP pick

(his seed)

lol

...in secret. :D

shouldn't the democratic party ramp up their apocalyptic death cult bona fides, though? they're getting killed by the GOP on this

This part of Biden's VP announcement speech really struck a chord with me:

Where lies the strangling fruit that came from the hand of the sinner I shall bring forth the seeds of the dead to share with the worms that gather in the darkness and surround the world with the power of their lives while from the dimlit halls of other places forms that never were and never could be writhe for the impatience of the few who never saw what could have been. In the black water with the sun shining at midnight, those fruit shall come ripe and in the darkness of that which is golden shall split open to reveal the revelation of the fatal softness in the earth. The shadows of the abyss are like the petals of a monstrous flower that shall blossom within the skull and expand the mind beyond what any man can bear, but whether it decays under the earth or above on green fields, or out to sea or in the very air, all shall come to revelation, and to revel, in the knowledge of the strangling fruit—and the hand of the sinner shall rejoice, for there is no sin in shadow or in light that the seeds of the dead cannot forgive. And there shall be in the planting in the shadows a grace and a mercy from which shall blossom dark flowers, and their teeth shall devour and sustain and herald the passing of an age. That which dies shall still know life in death for all that decays is not forgotten and reanimated it shall walk the world in the bliss of not-knowing. And then there shall be a fire that knows the naming of you, and in the presence of the strangling fruit, its dark flame shall acquire every part of you that remains.

I guess if he's gonna keep doing this it's a step up from Neil Kinnock

God, I nearly had a heart attack for a second there

my recommended picks in my email to Biden:

Barbara Lee
Wanda Sykes
anyone but Rice or Harris

loll hadrian/pom

just pick nina turner and call it a day

Can't spell "Moroni" without "moron."

can't spell "Biden" without "die", "bid", "Ned", "bin", "dine", "bind", "bend", or "den"

wait a second, look at that word again, Moroni. now rearrange the letters:

i moron

rearrange one more time

I R Moon

not to be cap'n save jesus but I don't think it's that weird to treat a new "religion" with an unbroken track record of intimidation, gaslighting, fraud and almost certainly murder differently from the ones millions or even billions have belonged to over centuries

Let's just start with the centuries-old one that runs an international paedophile ring, with the support of prime ministers, then

Best of luck to those who want a Democratic campaign platform of "down with Christianity." It's a sure election winner.

The Lavey Party

I don't think the "down with Christianity" cohort is anywhere near converting itself into an organized political force instead a vague group milling around clutching its ideas. They need to do a lot more organizing and create more coherent and effective propaganda before they have any hope of exercising significant political muscle in a national election.

Just so you all know, I proudly worship at First New Christian Fellowship Baptist Church in South LA. pic.twitter.com/1sEpF5KpRF

— Karen Bass (@KarenBassTweets) August 1, 2020

in Florida she will be the candidate who proudly served under Fidel Castro.

as Twitter Nixon said, changing no votes

Twixon

Twicky Dick

Tweep Throat

Twaitor

2-week delay in naming veep, sez WaPo

they could blow it again

makes sense tbh, why strain for the spotlight when yr opponent is busy fucking up

delay from what? did they announce a date?

This veep shit is overblown anyway, no one cares -- at this moment -- except Chuck Todd types.

What veep would Todd Chuck pick if a Todd Chuck could Chuck Todd

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EbTcHpPDCu8

no one cares -- at this moment -- except Chuck Todd types

Chuck Todd got a substantial demotion today, btw - his midafternoon MSNBC show is being moved to 1 PM and cut to 1 hour, and Nicolle Wallace is getting two hours from 4 to 6.

They said it was gonna be this week. xxxp

Who's "they"?

something jerry hairston jr said, probably

Bernie Horowitz

km lol

pretty sure it was a leak from Camp Joe

so, Chris Dodd or someone even younger

i haven't heard anything about a schedule, i don't think there's any evidence of a delay, and if the plan has changed it's just as easy to attribute that to not wanting to interrupt trump while he continues publicly throwing up on himself as it is to ... problems? i dunno what the implication is here.

the ghost of Bill Clinton whispered it to Morbs in a curiously sweaty dream

why strain for the spotlight when yr opponent is busy fucking up

so, will be named on Jan 20

tbh not a bad idea

Delay? That just puts it during the convention, which is SOP. I never figured Biden would announce his veep until the convention anyway.

tbf to morbs

https://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/bidens-delay-in-choosing-a-vp-intensifies-jockeying-between-potential-picks/2020/08/02/6eea5068-d4d2-11ea-930e-d88518c57dcc_story.html

Biden’s timeline for picking a vice president has slipped significantly. He initially said he would make the decision by Aug. 1, then said it would be the first week of August. Now the campaign is signaling that it will likely wait until the second week of August.

on the other hand

In other words, Biden waiting is totally normal. https://t.co/BOKrQtCEAh

— Geoffrey Skelley (@geoffreyvs) August 3, 2020

Left off Cruz-Fiorina