most erotic phrase uttered by these SUPER MARIO BROS. (1993) action figures

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3. 'strap on your tool belt!'

pomenitul, Tuesday, 15 September 2020 14:32 (three years ago) link

*drum roll*

2. 'go, mario, GO!'

1. 'fungus is among us!'

The latter because it rhymes with Karl Hungus. Internally, too. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

pomenitul, Tuesday, 15 September 2020 14:36 (three years ago) link

Stormy Daniels has described President Trump’s penis in full, gory detail – comparing it to the character Toad from Mario Kart.


the fungus is among us

you are like a scampicane, there's calm in your fries (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 15 September 2020 16:04 (three years ago) link

solid ranking pom

unpaid intern at the darvo institute (Simon H.), Tuesday, 15 September 2020 16:15 (three years ago) link

https://i.imgur.com/Z0udvQb.jpg?1

Karl Malone, Tuesday, 15 September 2020 16:16 (three years ago) link

Thx Simon, feel free to disclose your own.

pomenitul, Tuesday, 15 September 2020 16:17 (three years ago) link

had to wear ... neglige?

Give me a Chad Smith-type feel (map), Tuesday, 15 September 2020 16:32 (three years ago) link

oblesse neglige

you are like a scampicane, there's calm in your fries (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 15 September 2020 16:36 (three years ago) link

cursed thread

obv I approve

shout-out to his family (DJP), Tuesday, 15 September 2020 16:50 (three years ago) link

Not Safe For Life

Don't be such an idot. (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 15 September 2020 16:56 (three years ago) link

Thread of the year imo.

scampo italiano (gyac), Tuesday, 15 September 2020 16:57 (three years ago) link

They got Bob Hoskins pretty good, but that looks nothing like John Leguizamo.

peace, man, Tuesday, 15 September 2020 17:44 (three years ago) link

required thread reading material: http://www.smbmovie.com/SMBArchive/preproduction/script.htm

Karl Malone, Tuesday, 15 September 2020 17:46 (three years ago) link

i'll just post the entire page here, but there are links to the original scripts that get lost:

This page features eight screenplays dated from the original fantasy production to the science fiction-oriented concept ultimately realized on film. The screenplays are presented in chronological order alongside brief notes on tone, themes and content.

"Wizard of Oz" Fantasy - Transitional Sci-Fi/Fantasy Pitch - "GhostBusters" Sci-Fi/Comedy Draft - "Die Hard" Sci-Fi/Action Draft

"Mad Max" Sci-Fi/Action Script - "Disney Princess" Sci-Fi/Romance Shooting Script - "Rainbow" Revisions Script 1

"Rainbow" Revisions Script 2

The Wizard of Oz" Fairytale/Parody Script

Writers: Jim Jennewein and Tom S. Parker

Revision Date: 17th July 1991

Download: 114 Pages

Synopsis: Mark Johnston

Overview:

This gem by writers Tom S. Parker and Jim Jennewein (The Flintstones, Richie Rich) gives us the fullest look at what the film could have been like if it were a more direct, fantastical adaptation. Parker and Jennewein envisioned their story as a comedic take on fairytale themes in the same vein as The Princess Bride and the later Shrek series.

Brothers Mario and Luigi pursue Princess Hildy into a hidden world reminiscent of The Wizard of Oz and Alice in Wonderland — complete with checkered brick road, tribes of mushroom people, and a King Koopa described as an anthropomorphic dragon. This screenplay laid the groundwork for how the characters were used by later writers: Mario is the older, reluctant hero while Luigi is the young dreamer that gets the girl.

As much as $10 million was spent developing the fantasy screenplay. Greg Beeman (License to Drive) was attached to direct, but the failure of his 1992 film Mom and Dad Save the World led to his dismissal. The production then spent nearly a year searching for a replacement director. Harold Ramis was approached, but he declined. Only husband-and-wife directing team Rocky Morton and Annabel Jankel (Max Headroom, D.O.A.) agreed to take on the project—so long as they could renew development.

Transitional Sci-Fi/Fantasy Pitch

Writers: Parker Bennett and Terry Runté

Revision Date: 28th October 1991

Download: 9 Pages | Pitch Sheets | Script Notes

Overview:

This pitch by budding writers Parker Bennett and Terry Runté (Mystery Date, The Princess and the Cobbler) represents the early transition from a fantasy-oriented development of the Mushroom Kingdom milieu to the more grounded and satirical vision of Morton and Jankel.

Bennett and Runté felt the fantasy screenplay was never “funny, scary or outlandish enough” and so sought to focus more on Mario and Luigi’s relationship with each other and their late father. They also looked to develop Daisy into a more proactive character and to expand Koopa’s plot so it would endanger both worlds.

The pitch is still firmly within the fantastical: Mario and Luigi are prophesized saviors, a magical talking book aids them on their quest, and Koopa resides within a traditional stone-and-dungeon castle. The concept of humanoid dinosaurs is essentially only retrofitted onto the prior fantasy narrative established by Parker and Jennewein.

"GhostBusters" Sci-Fi/Comedy Draft

Writers: Parker Bennett and Terry Runté

Revision Date: 19th February 1992

Download: 114 Pages

Synopsis: Mark Johnston

Original Opening: 6 Pages

Overview:

Once hired, Bennett and Runté would expand their pitch with inspiration from the genre-aware sensibilities of Ghostbusters. Their initial opening saw Mario as sleazier and more confident like Bill Murray as Peter Venkman. However, once the two writers discovered that Bob Hoskins was being sought for the role they realized they needed to rewrite the character older and more likable. The script would soon after be rewritten to feature a more family-friendly tone and completely new characterizations.

This proved a smart move as the new first act really takes the time and care to establish genuine characters. The dinosaur world likewise feels just as real with its mishmash of world architecture and fashion inspired by both reptilian aesthetic and clever game references. The middle-act features a Mario Golf-inspired desert segment in which Koopa systematically purges his political rivals.

With the studio pressing to get the film into production as quickly as possible, Bennett and Runté were dismissed before they could revise further. Ironically, they would later be brought back as the final writing team.

"Die Hard" Sci-Fi/Action Draft

Writers: Dick Clement and Ian la Frenais

Revision Date: 3rd March 1992

Download: 118 Pages

Synopsis: Mark Johnston

Annabel Jankel's Script Notes: 12 Pages

Overview:

Acclaimed British screenwriters Dick Clement and Ian la Frenais (Flushed Away, Across The Universe) were brought onto the project to steer the story closer to the more mature directorial vision.

The overall narrative structure of the previous screenplay remains intact, though the tone is now much more satirical than comedic. The one attempt at humor is a cameo from Bruce Willis in the air ducts of Koopa’s Tower as homage to Die Hard. The primary new element is the introduction of female police officer “Gloria” — an early iteration of Big Bertha.

The script notes from Jankel are invaluable towards understanding directorial concerns over narrative and character. Many of Jankel’s comments advise Clement and la Frenais to refer to the Bennett and Runté draft for further revisions.

"Mad Max" Sci-Fi/Action Draft

Writers: Dick Clement and Ian la Frenais

Revision Date: 25th March 1992

Download: 112 Pages

Synopsis: Mark Johnston

Overview:

Clement and la Frenais really hit their stride in this second draft that fully realizes their vision of a more mature, satirical, and action-packed adventure into a parallel world of humanoid dinosaurs. While humor is still largely absent, so too are any holdovers from the Bennett and Runté draft.

The narrative structure is once again largely the same as earlier drafts, though the Mario Golf-inspired desert segment devised by Bennett and Runté is now a Mario Kart-meets-Mad Max death race. Most significantly, the third act gives Princess Daisy and Lena more direct involvement in the climactic inter-dimensional merge.

This screenplay and its promise of character-presence brought much of the cast onto the project, though the trade-off for stronger story is a much more tenuous connection to the games. The cast would be given a completely new script by yet another writing team once they arrived on set to begin filming.

"Disney Princess" Distribution Script

Writers: Ed Solomon and Ryan Rowe

Revision Date: 17th April 1992

Download: 110 Pages

Synopsis: Mark Johnston

Overview:

With an increasingly overbudget pre-production and a rapidly approaching shoot, Lightmotive producers Roland Joffé and Jake Eberts looked to secure additional funding by striking a distribution deal with Disney. Writers Ed Solomon and Ryan Rowe were brought on to develop a lighter and more practical adventure—without input from directors Rocky Morton and Annabel Jankel.

Solomon and Rowe streamlined the complicated narrative by minimizing or consolidating characters. Much of Toad’s role is shifted into Iggy and Spike. Scapelli is no longer Daniella’s older brother blackmailing Mario. Bertha is no longer the officer that books Mario and Luigi.

Several key scenes were also rewritten with a leaner budget in mind: the showstopper desert segment is removed, the climactic Brooklyn Bridge battle between Mario and Koopa never occurs, and Koopa is de-evolved off-screen into a Yoshi-like creature rather than a towering T-Rex.

The script is in many ways structurally very close to the original “Ghostbusters” script, though now thematically much more a traditional romantic adventure. Princess Daisy is bonded to the meteorite pendant and cannot survive long without it. The ending features a double wedding in which Luigi marries Daisy and Mario marries Daniella. The meteorite pendant is even fashioned into a ring.

"Rainbow" Shooting Rewrites #1

Writers: Ed Solomon

Revision Date: 28th April - 17th June 1992

Download: 116 Pages

Synopsis: Mark Johnston

Overview:

Directors Morton and Jankel were furious over the doctored “Disney Princess” shooting script and even considered quitting, but instead resolved to reclaim their original vision. Ed Solomon would be called to set for additional rewrites.

The "Rainbow" shooting script — so named by the cast for its many colored revision pages — is only one small step removed from the final film. Solomon further streamlined the narrative by consolidating Toad and “Good Goomba” Hark into a single character. He restored the climactic Brooklyn Bridge battle between Mario and Koopa as the more practical walkway showdown. He expanded the Bob-Omb as narrative throughline and devised the de-evolution of Scapelli.

While Solomon primarily worked with the directors and producers on streamlining the narrative to balance tone and budget, he also introduced essential new material. The film could not have been as clever or cohesive without him.

"Rainbow" Shooting Rewrites #2

Writers: Parker Bennett and Terry Runté

Revision Date: 3rd July - 14th July 1992

Download: 116 Pages

Synopsis: Mark Johnston

Overview:

Through pure happenstance, the original screenwriting team of Parker Bennett and Terry Runté visited the Wilmington, North Carolina set just weeks after Solomon’s departure to discover a still struggling production. They were subsequently re-hired to handle final rewrites.

Bennett and Terry Runté are responsible for further streamlining and clarifying the plot through expository rewrites. They also re-developed Luigi and Daisy’s relationship through a new initial meeting and by introducing the Back to the Future–inspired sequel hook as a means of reuniting the young lovers. Finally, they wrote the Lance Henriksen cameo as the Fungus King.

This writing team remained into post-production to contribute ADR, the expository dinosaur prologue, and Goomba subtitles. They also successfully arbitrated on their own behalf and for Ed Solomon to receive writing credit.

As both the original and final writers, Bennett and Runté were committed to introducing the directorial vision and ultimately distilling it into a fun and original narrative. The film would not have had as much connection to the Mushroom Kingdom milieu without their determination to deliver an adventure deserving of the fans.

Karl Malone, Tuesday, 15 September 2020 17:48 (three years ago) link

The middle-act features a Mario Golf-inspired desert segment in which Koopa systematically purges his political rivals.
The middle-act features a Mario Golf-inspired desert segment in which Koopa systematically purges his political rivals.
The middle-act features a Mario Golf-inspired desert segment in which Koopa systematically purges his political rivals.
The middle-act features a Mario Golf-inspired desert segment in which Koopa systematically purges his political rivals.
The middle-act features a Mario Golf-inspired desert segment in which Koopa systematically purges his political rivals.
The middle-act features a Mario Golf-inspired desert segment in which Koopa systematically purges his political rivals.
The middle-act features a Mario Golf-inspired desert segment in which Koopa systematically purges his political rivals.

unpaid intern at the darvo institute (Simon H.), Tuesday, 15 September 2020 17:55 (three years ago) link

voted "trust the fungus" for its directness

Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Tuesday, 15 September 2020 17:58 (three years ago) link

i went with "hey, trust the fungus!" because it's even more erotic

Karl Malone, Tuesday, 15 September 2020 18:11 (three years ago) link

In Finland, it says "Hey! We're Trusting The Fungus!"

shout-out to his family (DJP), Tuesday, 15 September 2020 18:30 (three years ago) link

Hey, thrust the fungus!

Don't be such an idot. (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 15 September 2020 18:31 (three years ago) link

Misread that as Tom of Finland; still checks out.

pomenitul, Tuesday, 15 September 2020 18:33 (three years ago) link

yeah the mario golf line got a triple-take from me too

you are like a scampicane, there's calm in your fries (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 15 September 2020 18:33 (three years ago) link

personally, i was saying Hey, trust the fungus!

Karl Malone, Tuesday, 15 September 2020 18:39 (three years ago) link

Stormy Daniels has described President Trump’s penis in full, gory detail – comparing it to the character Toad from Mario Kart.

the fungus is among us

― you are like a scampicane, there's calm in your fries (bizarro gazzara)

Just to backtrack for a second, we must not forget that the Italian word for mushroom is 'fungo', further corroborating the relevance of this anecdote to our poll.

hey, trust the fungus! (pomenitul), Tuesday, 15 September 2020 18:54 (three years ago) link

Hey, thrust the fungo in the bungo!

Don't be such an idot. (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 15 September 2020 18:55 (three years ago) link

Bunga bunga!

hey, trust the fungus! (pomenitul), Tuesday, 15 September 2020 18:56 (three years ago) link

DO NOT CLICK

Don't be such an idot. (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 15 September 2020 19:01 (three years ago) link

thanks

Being cheap is expensive (snoball), Tuesday, 15 September 2020 19:35 (three years ago) link

TBF, I told you to don't.

Don't be such an idot. (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 15 September 2020 19:49 (three years ago) link

two weeks pass...

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

System, Wednesday, 30 September 2020 00:01 (three years ago) link

"hey, trust the fungus"

LaRusso Auto (Neanderthal), Wednesday, 30 September 2020 00:04 (three years ago) link

It's still 'fungus is among us!' imo and I voted accordingly.

pomenitul, Wednesday, 30 September 2020 00:07 (three years ago) link

i was going to ask why Luigi was Hispanic and missing a mustache until I remembered this was the figures based on the movie

LaRusso Auto (Neanderthal), Wednesday, 30 September 2020 00:08 (three years ago) link

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

System, Thursday, 1 October 2020 00:01 (three years ago) link

This is like MBDTF winning top 50 albums poll!

LaRusso Auto (Neanderthal), Thursday, 1 October 2020 05:28 (three years ago) link

the people have spoken, and they have said ‘strap on your tool belt!’

you are like a scampicane, there's calm in your fries (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 1 October 2020 07:14 (three years ago) link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PT5JR9M-yyo

Neil S, Thursday, 1 October 2020 08:48 (three years ago) link

bummed i overlooked the poll, i actually finally watched the movie a couple weeks ago! it's worse than all of this thread's discoveries would suggest. and boy there's a lot of fungus.

Doctor Casino, Thursday, 1 October 2020 12:37 (three years ago) link

Top result is proof positive you can't trust the fungus.

pomenitul, Thursday, 1 October 2020 12:47 (three years ago) link

Xpost Italian Americans played by a Brit and a Colombian/Puerto Rican is what the world always wanted.

"I got arrested for being a plumber!" was p funny tho

LaRusso Auto (Neanderthal), Thursday, 1 October 2020 13:26 (three years ago) link

ughhhh

iirc that sequence revolves around Mojo Nixon being arrested and turned into a Goomba (read: large uniformed soldier with a small lizard head) for singing an anti-Koopa protest song. "Hey! You can't arrest somebody, just for singin' a song!"

Doctor Casino, Thursday, 1 October 2020 13:44 (three years ago) link

I love the Goombahs, who were the tall green dinosaurs we all loved and remembered from the video game

LaRusso Auto (Neanderthal), Thursday, 1 October 2020 13:46 (three years ago) link

this thread inspired me to rewatch the movie, which i looooooooooooooved as a kid

it's not good but it's amazing, ykwim

mellon collie and the infinite bradness (BradNelson), Thursday, 1 October 2020 13:58 (three years ago) link

yes

Doctor Casino, Thursday, 1 October 2020 13:59 (three years ago) link

the special effects hold up and the scale of the set design is massive and yet it's still just really ugly

mellon collie and the infinite bradness (BradNelson), Thursday, 1 October 2020 14:01 (three years ago) link

i do appreciate that i "get" the new york interborough jabs in the movie now

mellon collie and the infinite bradness (BradNelson), Thursday, 1 October 2020 14:02 (three years ago) link

the LA Times's behind-the-scenes coverage at the time is a must-read. Many are hoping Joffe will step in and cut the fungus.

Doctor Casino, Thursday, 1 October 2020 14:02 (three years ago) link

the special effects hold up and the scale of the set design is massive and yet it's still just really ugly

this lines up w my memories of it yes

the typo doer (Simon H.), Thursday, 1 October 2020 14:04 (three years ago) link

yeah to me it is one of the best/worst cases of post-Batman, pre-CGI, pre-"franchise" moviemaking of this kind. SO much design, SO much sets and costumes and set-pieces... trying to be Batman, trying to be Home Alone and Hook and Roger Rabbit, but with no worthwhile story or characters. to be clear, it's nice that there's not a safe, branded, studio-managed taste-o-meter dictating everything, it means we have this unique failed artifact, and not just a lame and mostly forgettable attempt at a video game adaptation, or the smoothed-out, harmlessly on-brand, B-minus or C-plus franchise product we'd probably get today. but GOD it's weird and boring. David Sims makes a similar case at The Atlantic.

Doctor Casino, Thursday, 1 October 2020 14:06 (three years ago) link

i do think the mario/luigi banter is still genuinely funny. movie's got jokes! (in a refreshing and way less self-aware way than, say, marvel movies have jokes, so maybe that's the spirit in which i enjoyed them) but yes it's fundamentally weird and boring

mellon collie and the infinite bradness (BradNelson), Thursday, 1 October 2020 14:08 (three years ago) link

far moreso than most licensed films, it'd be so fascinating to set it in front of someone who had never heard of "Super Mario" and just say "hey, this is a new adventure film for kids of all ages, tell me what you think." god knows how it registered to the surprisingly small number of parents dragged to see it in 1993. two to three years earlier it would have obviously been at least as big as the Ninja Turtles movies and probably bigger. i mean this seemed pretty realistic at the time:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HU80R7jGanE

Doctor Casino, Thursday, 1 October 2020 14:23 (three years ago) link

I saw the movie when I was 8 (I think). it fucking terrified me

frogbs, Thursday, 1 October 2020 14:27 (three years ago) link

my favorite thing is how everyone in the side-universe dinosaur manhattan inexplicably hates plumbers

mellon collie and the infinite bradness (BradNelson), Thursday, 1 October 2020 14:32 (three years ago) link

plumber alert

mellon collie and the infinite bradness (BradNelson), Thursday, 1 October 2020 14:33 (three years ago) link

wasn't that because Koopa had already gotten word that he was after two plumbers to get back the precious meteorite shard?

Doctor Casino, Thursday, 1 October 2020 14:34 (three years ago) link

the part in the end where the mayor (?) says "I think we'll call you the SUPER Mario brothers!" is legitimately hilarious though

frogbs, Thursday, 1 October 2020 14:35 (three years ago) link

wasn't that because Koopa had already gotten word that he was after two plumbers to get back the precious meteorite shard?

― Doctor Casino, Thursday, October 1, 2020 7:34 AM (two minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

listen, keeping track of... events... in the film super mario bros..... near impossible

mellon collie and the infinite bradness (BradNelson), Thursday, 1 October 2020 14:37 (three years ago) link

worth checking out the soundtrack too https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0108255/soundtrack

mellon collie and the infinite bradness (BradNelson), Thursday, 1 October 2020 14:38 (three years ago) link

lol I have that on tape and it's sitting on my desk at work. always funny to see the young'uns look at it and go "wait, there was a Mario movie?"

frogbs, Thursday, 1 October 2020 14:44 (three years ago) link

starting to wonder if there’s any mario merch that’s not profoundly erotic
https://i.imgur.com/qhTzTxr.jpg

you are like a scampicane, there's calm in your fries (bizarro gazzara), Friday, 2 October 2020 20:51 (three years ago) link

it'sa me, thicc Mario

shout-out to his family (DJP), Friday, 2 October 2020 20:53 (three years ago) link

"we're going in!!"

idkwtf (Karl Malone), Friday, 2 October 2020 21:01 (three years ago) link

one month passes...

today i learned that nintendo cancelled ron jeremy long before the rest of the world did

Porn comes in every shape and, er, size. So, it should really come as no surprise that there is not one, but TWO Super Mario parody pornos floating around out there.

The video game-inspired adult films, entitled Super Hornio Brothers and Super Hornio Brothers 2 (yes, I'm serious) feature the talents of none other than Ron Jeremy himself. The features were originally intended to be one film, but were split into two movies due to a lengthy running time. The movies follow the adventures of Squeegie (Ron Jeremy) and Ornio (T.T. Boy) as they attempt to rescue Princess Perlina (Chelsea Lynx) from King Pooper (Buck Adams).

Plus, you know. Lots of sex.

It sounds like a regular Citizen Kane, doesn't it?

Despite the bizarre premise, the porno itself is not the highlight of this story.

The film(s) were released around the same time as the Super Mario Bros. movie, which starred Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo as Mario and Luigi, respectively. The thing is, the Super Marios Bros. movie totally tanked. So, after such a rough experience with the film industry, it's presumed that Nintendo became a little more cautious with its licensing. So, it bought Super Hornio Brothers and Super Hornio Brothers 2.

Yep. Nintendo purchased to rights to TWO adult movies.

According to Ron Jeremy's own website, this explains why the movies are almost impossible to find now:

Some of you may be wondering why it is that we, Ron Jeremy’s Official Website, do not offer Super Hornio Brothers or Super Hornio Brothers 2 within our massive library of Ron Jeremy videos. The simple answer is “Nintendo”. After Super Hornio Brothers was produced, the Nintendo corporation bought the rights to the films in order to halt their distribution indefinitely. Otherwise, we would 100% offer up Super Hornio Brothers for streaming glory.

Basically, Nintendo was so intent on preventing the release of a porno which bore even a remote resemblance to its video game universe, that it actually purchased the rights to both Super Hornio Brothers and Super Hornio Brothers 2. And then buried them forever.

you are like a scampicane, there's calm in your fries (bizarro gazzara), Sunday, 22 November 2020 09:30 (three years ago) link

one year passes...

my new year’s resolution is to trust the fungus

balsamic vaccinegar of moderna (bizarro gazzara), Friday, 31 December 2021 21:27 (two years ago) link

nobody touches my tools!!

Karl Malone, Friday, 31 December 2021 22:53 (two years ago) link


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