i'm with ymp on this one tho, he wanted to be caught
― mellon collie and the infinite bradness (BradNelson), Tuesday, 20 October 2020 14:21 (three years ago) link
I mean... it is not unreasonable to say that one should refrain from masturbating in the middle of a work call. Dude was LITERALLY working when he decided to, well, put in some work. This merits all the mocking in the world and is not a slippery slope you know what, I would like to retract that last phrase given the context
― shout-out to his family (DJP), Tuesday, 20 October 2020 14:22 (three years ago) link
lol
― longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Tuesday, 20 October 2020 14:22 (three years ago) link
Look, Toobin clearly thought he had switched over to the jacking it conference call from the election strategy conference call, who among us
― longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Tuesday, 20 October 2020 14:23 (three years ago) link
In fairness, I understand how he could have confused them
― shout-out to his family (DJP), Tuesday, 20 October 2020 14:24 (three years ago) link
The coup de grâce was not just getting caught in the act, but then reportedly pointing the camera down, as if to say, oh, hey, let me relieve you of any benefit of the doubt.
― Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 20 October 2020 14:26 (three years ago) link
"I know what you *think* you saw, but I want to be sure you *know* what you saw."
― Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 20 October 2020 14:27 (three years ago) link
Best joke I've seen on Twitter:
I liked this one better.
what will they do if he reëxposes himself— dead wailing (@tewhalen) October 19, 2020
(Why would you spell it "zoömdick"? That's not how diaereses work.)
― jaymc, Tuesday, 20 October 2020 14:35 (three years ago) link
is jacking it on the zoom call going to be the new accidentally tweeting a porn link?
― turn the jawhatthefuckever on (One Eye Open), Tuesday, 20 October 2020 14:45 (three years ago) link
yeah this is the funniest (not how dieresis works, not how you spell it anyway, actually funny)
a copy editor sending a chat message "Mr. Toobin we can see your peënis"— the rent canceler (@AllezLesBoulez) October 19, 2020
― mark s, Tuesday, 20 October 2020 14:46 (three years ago) link
The thing is, the Freidersdorf view is not crazy and I might have shared it myself if it had been Friedersdorf or Barack Obama or Mark Ruffalo or I dunno anybody else without a substantial sexual harassment history jacking it on-cam, and so I thought this story was hilarious when I first heard it because I didn't really know anything about Toobin, and now that I know he's a lifelong creep I much less feel like this was by accident, I believe in the benefit of the doubt but I also believe there are people who skate by on that benefit again and again and honestly, the doubt runs out at some point
― Guayaquil (eephus!), Tuesday, 20 October 2020 14:53 (three years ago) link
This thread needs the wisdom of Tuomas.
― Alba, Tuesday, 20 October 2020 15:01 (three years ago) link
in the middle ages it was an unremarkable social practice to jack off on zoom all day long
― Notes on "Scamp" (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, 20 October 2020 15:08 (three years ago) link
All else aside, "New Yorker Suspends Jeffrey Toobin for Masturbating on Zoom Call" definitely goes in the 2020 headline hall of fame. You'll be able to see that headline years from now and it will immediately bring you back ...
― a man often referred to in the news media as the Duke of Saxony (tipsy mothra), Tuesday, 20 October 2020 15:08 (three years ago) link
xpost Hey man, stopping ripping off the Federalist.
― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 20 October 2020 15:10 (three years ago) link
New Yorker Suspends Jeffrey Toobin for Masturbating on Zoom Call
vs
Sen. Mark Kirk regrets calling Lindsey Graham a 'bro with no ho'
― shout-out to his family (DJP), Tuesday, 20 October 2020 15:25 (three years ago) link
lol Ned
― Notes on "Scamp" (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, 20 October 2020 15:26 (three years ago) link
I mean honestly I have rubbed one out in the work bathroom a few times in my life, p sure I’m not a sexual predator.
If you used to work at Spadina and King in Toronto, I need to inform you that you're not as quiet as you think, and also you should really take note of the shadows you're casting on the bathroom floor.
― it bangs for thee (Simon H.), Tuesday, 20 October 2020 15:38 (three years ago) link
Not much gives me hope for humanity these days.
One thing that does: that the internet immediately (and seamlessly) combined erudite quips about the New Yorker's fussy diacritical marks with dick jokes.
― they see me lollin' (Ye Mad Puffin), Tuesday, 20 October 2020 15:48 (three years ago) link
jacking it in the work bathroom and jacking it on a work zoom are both terrible but doing it in the work bathroom might actually be worse
― na (NA), Tuesday, 20 October 2020 15:54 (three years ago) link
you don't have to smell anything on a Zoom call
― shout-out to his family (DJP), Tuesday, 20 October 2020 15:57 (three years ago) link
in mute no one can hear you fap
― it bangs for thee (Simon H.), Tuesday, 20 October 2020 15:59 (three years ago) link
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gVqAI9SwLS8
― Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 20 October 2020 16:01 (three years ago) link
i would honestly take listening to toobin' masturbating in a work bathroom then 99% of the public men's restroom experiences in my life. some grunting and some noise, i can take - if you work in a place with elderly men, you can and will hear extreme pain of them trying to convince their digestive systems to cooperate one. more. time.
i have pissed in a nightmare tent in absolute darkness with dozens of men all around me, at a beer festival in tianjin, in swampy, piss-logged grass. i have no idea what i peed on - it may have the been the side of a tent.
anyway, obviously everyone understands what i'm getting at here, so i'll leave it there
― president of my cat (Karl Malone), Tuesday, 20 October 2020 16:14 (three years ago) link
"toobin' masturbating (800% slower)" will be this year's novelty contrarian 77 track entry won't it
― it bangs for thee (Simon H.), Tuesday, 20 October 2020 16:39 (three years ago) link
https://universal-new-yorker.russelneiss.repl.co/
― president of my cat (Karl Malone), Tuesday, 20 October 2020 17:12 (three years ago) link
https://i.imgur.com/sH5Y74N.png
― president of my cat (Karl Malone), Tuesday, 20 October 2020 17:13 (three years ago) link
doesn't work so well with the roz chast ones tbh
― Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Tuesday, 20 October 2020 17:14 (three years ago) link
Caption needs to be in Adobe Caslon Pro
― jaymc, Tuesday, 20 October 2020 17:35 (three years ago) link
Guys, not in bathrooms where other people were present at the time. WTF you think I am, a prominent legal analyst?
― longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Tuesday, 20 October 2020 17:37 (three years ago) link
A journalist who masturbates in front of people is called a “Louis TK”
― Evans on Hammond (evol j), Tuesday, 20 October 2020 18:07 (three years ago) link
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6d5jOElAxs
― Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Tuesday, 20 October 2020 18:08 (three years ago) link
This seems to have been an accident not an intentional act.
ya THINK?
― error prone wolf syndicate (Hadrian VIII), Tuesday, 20 October 2020 18:24 (three years ago) link
I am very surprised to learn that esteemed New Yoker reporter Jeffrey Toobin didn't get caught masturbating in front of Jane Mayer, Evan Osnos, Jelani Cobb, Masha Gessen, Andrew Marantz, Sue Halpern, Dexter Filkins and assorteed staff and producers from WNYC on purpose.
― error prone wolf syndicate (Hadrian VIII), Tuesday, 20 October 2020 18:28 (three years ago) link
I’m glad to hear the workjerker has weighed in
― mh, Tuesday, 20 October 2020 18:58 (three years ago) link
getting some tuomas vibes itt
― Blues Guitar Solo Heatmap (Free Download) (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Tuesday, 20 October 2020 19:01 (three years ago) link
I wonder if cam sex workers ever get caught reading the New Yorker on breaks
― Muswell Hillbilly Elegy (President Keyes), Tuesday, 20 October 2020 19:03 (three years ago) link
Itself a fetish iirc.
― pomenitul, Tuesday, 20 October 2020 19:04 (three years ago) link
shouts and murmurs
― Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Tuesday, 20 October 2020 19:12 (three years ago) link
Department of Erections
― Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 20 October 2020 19:17 (three years ago) link
Eustace Willy
― error prone wolf syndicate (Hadrian VIII), Tuesday, 20 October 2020 19:18 (three years ago) link
glad I have images off
― shout-out to his family (DJP), Tuesday, 20 October 2020 19:30 (three years ago) link
Dammit Hadrian
― they see me lollin' (Ye Mad Puffin), Tuesday, 20 October 2020 19:53 (three years ago) link
Mrs. Parker and the Vicious Circle Jerk
― a man often referred to in the news media as the Duke of Saxony (tipsy mothra), Tuesday, 20 October 2020 20:10 (three years ago) link
the years with toss
― mark s, Tuesday, 20 October 2020 20:16 (three years ago) link
John Updick
― they see me lollin' (Ye Mad Puffin), Tuesday, 20 October 2020 20:19 (three years ago) link
William Shown
― error prone wolf syndicate (Hadrian VIII), Tuesday, 20 October 2020 20:19 (three years ago) link
A gritty reboot of the Christian Slater skateboard vehicle, Toobin' the Zoom.
― soaring skrrrtpeggios (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Tuesday, 20 October 2020 20:26 (three years ago) link
gritty? not what you want in that situation
― Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Tuesday, 20 October 2020 21:08 (three years ago) link
don't kink shame the Toob
― soaring skrrrtpeggios (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Tuesday, 20 October 2020 21:10 (three years ago) link