New Yorker magazine alert thread

Look, Toobin clearly thought he had switched over to the jacking it conference call from the election strategy conference call, who among us

In fairness, I understand how he could have confused them

The coup de grâce was not just getting caught in the act, but then reportedly pointing the camera down, as if to say, oh, hey, let me relieve you of any benefit of the doubt.

"I know what you *think* you saw, but I want to be sure you *know* what you saw."

Best joke I've seen on Twitter:

I liked this one better.

what will they do if he reëxposes himself

— dead wailing (@tewhalen) October 19, 2020

(Why would you spell it "zoömdick"? That's not how diaereses work.)

is jacking it on the zoom call going to be the new accidentally tweeting a porn link?

yeah this is the funniest (not how dieresis works, not how you spell it anyway, actually funny)

a copy editor sending a chat message "Mr. Toobin we can see your peënis"

— the rent canceler (@AllezLesBoulez) October 19, 2020

The thing is, the Freidersdorf view is not crazy and I might have shared it myself if it had been Friedersdorf or Barack Obama or Mark Ruffalo or I dunno anybody else without a substantial sexual harassment history jacking it on-cam, and so I thought this story was hilarious when I first heard it because I didn't really know anything about Toobin, and now that I know he's a lifelong creep I much less feel like this was by accident, I believe in the benefit of the doubt but I also believe there are people who skate by on that benefit again and again and honestly, the doubt runs out at some point

This thread needs the wisdom of Tuomas.

in the middle ages it was an unremarkable social practice to jack off on zoom all day long

All else aside, "New Yorker Suspends Jeffrey Toobin for Masturbating on Zoom Call" definitely goes in the 2020 headline hall of fame. You'll be able to see that headline years from now and it will immediately bring you back ...

xpost Hey man, stopping ripping off the Federalist.

New Yorker Suspends Jeffrey Toobin for Masturbating on Zoom Call

vs

Sen. Mark Kirk regrets calling Lindsey Graham a 'bro with no ho'

lol Ned

I mean honestly I have rubbed one out in the work bathroom a few times in my life, p sure I’m not a sexual predator.

If you used to work at Spadina and King in Toronto, I need to inform you that you're not as quiet as you think, and also you should really take note of the shadows you're casting on the bathroom floor.

Not much gives me hope for humanity these days.

One thing that does: that the internet immediately (and seamlessly) combined erudite quips about the New Yorker's fussy diacritical marks with dick jokes.

jacking it in the work bathroom and jacking it on a work zoom are both terrible but doing it in the work bathroom might actually be worse

you don't have to smell anything on a Zoom call

in mute no one can hear you fap

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gVqAI9SwLS8

i would honestly take listening to toobin' masturbating in a work bathroom then 99% of the public men's restroom experiences in my life. some grunting and some noise, i can take - if you work in a place with elderly men, you can and will hear extreme pain of them trying to convince their digestive systems to cooperate one. more. time.

i have pissed in a nightmare tent in absolute darkness with dozens of men all around me, at a beer festival in tianjin, in swampy, piss-logged grass. i have no idea what i peed on - it may have the been the side of a tent.

anyway, obviously everyone understands what i'm getting at here, so i'll leave it there

"toobin' masturbating (800% slower)" will be this year's novelty contrarian 77 track entry won't it

https://universal-new-yorker.russelneiss.repl.co/

https://i.imgur.com/sH5Y74N.png

doesn't work so well with the roz chast ones tbh

Caption needs to be in Adobe Caslon Pro

Guys, not in bathrooms where other people were present at the time. WTF you think I am, a prominent legal analyst?

A journalist who masturbates in front of people is called a “Louis TK”

— Erin 🎃GrudgePAC🎃 Ryan (@morninggloria) October 20, 2020

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6d5jOElAxs

This seems to have been an accident not an intentional act.

ya THINK?

I am very surprised to learn that esteemed New Yoker reporter Jeffrey Toobin didn't get caught masturbating in front of Jane Mayer, Evan Osnos, Jelani Cobb, Masha Gessen, Andrew Marantz, Sue Halpern, Dexter Filkins and assorteed staff and producers from WNYC on purpose.

I’m glad to hear the workjerker has weighed in

getting some tuomas vibes itt

I wonder if cam sex workers ever get caught reading the New Yorker on breaks

Itself a fetish iirc.

shouts and murmurs

Department of Erections

Eustace Willy

getting some tuomas vibes itt

glad I have images off

Dammit Hadrian

Mrs. Parker and the Vicious Circle Jerk

the years with toss

John Updick

William Shown

A gritty reboot of the Christian Slater skateboard vehicle, Toobin' the Zoom.

gritty? not what you want in that situation

don't kink shame the Toob

shame him for everything else, just not his gritty preferences

https://cms.nhl.bamgrid.com/images/photos/309842964/1200x630/cut.jpg

one time I worked in a bank and there was a customer in the card index name of Shona Dick, just thought I'd share