start a victory garden and ration your IRRATIONALLY ANGRY feelings, part 3

Now, more irrational, I can't stand superfluous packaging copy. I have this Target-brand mouthwash, and it features this long list of benefits:

6 Benefits
*helps prevent cavities
*restores enamel
*helps strengthen teeth
*kills bad breath germs
*freshens breath
*cleans the entire mouth**

Now, first of all, why six? Some of these are pretty loose and generic, or kind of redundant (like kills bad breath germs and freshens breath); and by that low standard they could probably list even more ("provides that fresh tingle!"). Second, the last item is "cleans the entire mouth,' which ... pretty much covers half of those things, anyway. But then at the end, there is a disclaimer footnote (**), and when you flip over the bottle that leads you to **"this product is not intended to replace brushing and flossing." Because of course brushing and flossing pretty much does all of the things listed here, anyway, but ... this mouthwash does those things, too ... again ... a second time ... but not as important as the first.

Usually superfluous copy is even more superfluous. Like, you buy a carton of milk and it comes emblazoned with "try it in your cereal!" or something like that. We have an ancient box of Pop Tarts, and on the side it announces "Fully Baked & Ready to Eat! Or Heat. Or Freeze. Or Stack ..." First of all, stacked? Wtf. But regardless, "ready to eat" pretty much does all the heavy lifting, why do I also need to be told I can eat it hot (if I want) or cold (if I want)? I just glanced at some pretzel thins we have from Trader Joe's, and the entire back of the bag lists all the things you can eat/serve them with, ending with "they also can be enjoyed on their own right out of the bag.' Well, no shit.

finally, a no-fuss pretzel

jon i really sympathize with that. it sounds awful.

3) Never promise the shortest duration, always promise the longer - that way you look good when it finishes sooner than people expected.

So many people lose jobs for getting this wrong. It's all about managing expectations.

We once spent a month getting an email every Friday from an increasingly flustered and apologetic project manager explaining why a month long job wasn't finished in a week. Everyone kicked up a stink and there was endless stress and shouting and all that pointless shit (self) important people do.
If the original plan had said a month people would have maybe moaned about the length of time for about ten minutes then forgot about it.

Thanks Tracer, it's just frustrating that of course this work lines up exactly when we are all forced to be home for work and learning.

onion, exactly! Managing expectations is so key, it's painful to watch people be so terrible about it.

That's why flights always say they're running late, even though they often make up the time in the air, if not get in early. They'd much rather threaten to be late and arrive early than promise to be on time and arrive late. See also: snow forecasts. Better to threaten a blizzard and get three inches than call for three inches and get dumped on.

Sometimes better to promise three inches...

Better to threaten a blizzard and get three inches than call for three inches and get dumped on.

Tom Skilling's go to move. If he was right we'd have fourteen once a decade blizzards every year.

Okay I understand there are a number of ways to block ads out there, but being on a work laptop means I can't install most of them, so bear that in mind.

But quite a few sites, Pitchfork being one of them, have become virtually unreadable due to the various ads auto-playing, stopping, refreshing and re-sizing themselves. I tried to read that Fiona Apple article this morning and four different times the text on the screen either jumped up or down entire paragraphs based on which ads were starting or ending. I finally just gave up.

Yeah, Beer Advocate's website has this giant all encompassing pop-up ad that takes over all the time, drives me nuts. AV Club has one, too.

I am very angry that this New Zealand conservation group has not stuck its logo on a shirt for sale yet, because

https://predatorfreenz.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/PFNZ-logo-332-by-222.png

Anything that offers you the option to pay over time with "zero interest" because I know I'm just paying an inflated price that has the financing costs baked in.

Coming soon: 104 new titles

like fucking really Netflix can't you see how long it takes me to watch ONE?

also stop cancelling shit just to make 104 new shits

turn my Netflix up
turn them shits up

I'm not about to go off on some dumb generational tirade against people who were watching "Muppet Babies" when they were six while I was watching new episodes of "The Muppet Show" at the same age. This isn't about that.

Except, maybe it is.

Listen. Google Hangouts or Slack or whatever is no substitution for good ol' fashioned e-mail. If you're all "Quick, I've got a client on the phone. When's the OTD date for Metro 2021?" then sure, come barging right on in.

But if you're asking very complicated long-ass questions about a project so far off in the future, we may or may not be wearing face masks by then, SEND IT IN AN EMAIL.

• Hi! Ok so
• the other digital publication has submitted their materials in a weird format that I've ever seen, but supposedly this is how they "always" do it, and I'm hoping that you somehow magically have experience with this
• I'm going to forward you the email of the "submitted materials" and could you let me know whether or not you have the slightest inkling of what's happening?

IF YOU'RE GOING TO FORWARD ME MATERIALS IN AN EMAIL, WHY NOT SAY ALL OF THIS IN THAT EMAIL?

Instead of making me look up every time this thing goes bloop.

otm

click on an author name on amazon and it used to take you to a list of all their books. now when you mouseover the link it pops up a box containing a link to take you to a list of all their books, adding a completely unnecessary move and click.

add something to your basket and it pops up a half-inch column on the right not quite big enough to show you what's in your basket, and squashing the rest of the page a bit.

/me shakes fist at jeff bezos

(unless you're already on the author page when clicking on the author name takes you to the *same* author page)

Spotify adding an extra version of teh podcast at th etop of the queue for every action you do to the rest of teh queue.
Spotify discarding an entire queue if you go to bypass th etop duplicate.
For some reason if you try to type into the search box as you're listening to a podcast the streaming device jumping seemingly randomly to some totally different podcast in the list, or at least the last one added.
Spotify glitching at any time when I'm paying for premium.

Toilet mechanism breaking down, possibly through wear over 14 years or something. So having to use shower to flush it.

Lack of energy from lack of sleep.
Phone ringtone being too quiet to hear. Phone having apps open that prevent you from answering it. FB messenger icon has a nasty habit of being exactly where you don't want it.

celebs who endorse a charitable effort to save something for the nation, when they could just buy & donate it with their own vast fortune.

Definition of first world problems, but I get annoyed when I order something online and get a notification that they've created the shipping label for my order within hours, but it takes them another week and a half to actually get it in the mail.

Don't get me wrong, I don't want to bag on small labels and business owners here. I don't think they need to make daily trips to the post office, but I kinda feel like if mail order is a significant part of your business, you might want to ship things out more often than once every two weeks.

Yeah with sometimes 2 or 3 contractors in the delivery chain the notifications can get a little out of hand. 'Hurray! We've dispatched your order!' 'Good news: our handling department has received your package.' 'Your double-ended dildo has just been loaded onto a forklift in Slough!'

Found a Schott leather jacket in a charity shop for what seems to be a reasonable price.
BUt finding that the number desiognation isn't one from the US database.
Sio not sure if it is a genuine one. the number seems to have been used for several different styles that may be overseas territories ones. BUt the fact taht there are several different styles makes me wonder if they are knockoffs.
BUt main pain is this doesn't have the top external pocket taht is on the similar style in the US.
Ho hum.

'Your double-ended dildo has just been loaded onto a forklift in Slough!'

― Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 3 December 2020 17:31 (two days ago) bookmarkflaglink

A

.....forklift?

Mazeltov

People who can't or won't crop screenshots or don't know how to share things.

One of my neighbours wanted to helpfully let us know the rubbish collection days over Christmas so instead of just sharing the council's page she took a low res unreadable portrait screenshot of a landscape pdf with thick black bars top and bottom along with her battery indicators etc from her phone.

Posh jogging duos that seem to be having a VERY LOUD conversation that sounds like it was scripted for an incidental scene in The Archers as they go past. Running and talking seems a bad enough combo... Anyway I know I'm the one that is bad and at least they literally do "jog on".

Our friend gave us the sign in for their Popular Exercise Bike app, which means we can watch the same classes they watch but on our significantly cheaper exercise bike. There are dozens of instructors, so the best plan is just to find a personality and playlist that you like for the type of class you want. The personalities are varying degrees of cheerleader, which means you can't really win there (and I admit you want a cheerleader), but the music can kind of be all over the place; the other day the post ride stretch was to Phil Collins' "Another Day in Paradise," today it was Massive Attack's "Teardrop." During the rides themselves, though, I've had some shockingly discordant experiences, like the Old School Hip-Hop ride that was, like, J. Cole, which bummed me out. But yesterday's instructor/ride, despite being all over the place, did use Prince's "I Would Die 4 U," and I thought, OK, that was fun, I'll try to filter by "'80s." Except I guess you can only filter by style, and the styles are pretty generic: rock, pop, R&B, hip-hop, etc. There was one "indie" setting, which made me curious, but when I tried to find the class I wanted with an "indie" playlist there were literally no results. Fine, I figured, I'll just go with "classic rock," by definition a pretty known quantity. And I swear to god, this was the exact playlist:

Johnny Cash, "I Walk the Line"
Sam Cooke, "Twistin' the Night Away"
The Cure, "Lovesong"
Jerry Lee Lewis, "Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On"
Rod Stewart, "Forever Young"
something by Incubus (I forget)
something by Alabama Shakes (I don't really know them)

So fucking weird. I was, like, "classic rock?" Not what I think of, for sure. I guess the relationship between some of these instructors and the music they pick is strictly mercenary. Does it have the right tempo/cadence? Does it pump them up, or whatever? I appreciated the eclecticism, but I couldn't help wondering who in the world wants to hear Johnny Cash, Sam Cooke, the Cure, and Incubus on their "classic rock" exercise playlist.

No Skynyrd, no credibility.

"A Recipe For Seduction" premieres on Lifetime Sunday, December 13 at 12 p.m. ET/PT.

Saying 12 p.m. or 12 a.m. instead of noon or midnight. I don't know whether this stupid fried chicken movie is on in the middle of the day or middle of the night!

https://i.imgur.com/1noJOJi.jpg

Yeah sometimes people will intentionally schedule something for 12:01 PM just to make sure people understand what is meant, as noon and midnight are technically neither

Alternatively, they could schedule their event for 12:00:00000000001 PM and still be *technically* post-meridian. I agree most people have zero idea if 12:00 PM is midnight or noon, but that whole actually argument is senseless.

going from 11am to 12pm never made much sense to me. We should all just switch to a 24 hour clock.

have some stupid collection agency bothering my folks and then they started calling me (no idea how they got my number). they always ask for my dad and won't tell me what it's about. dad can barely speak, they won't talk to me, they just want me to find him.

my folks have no debt that has gone to collections (or been sent any documents about any). I finally filed a BBB complaint since I saw they actually reply to them, asking wtf the debt is, and saying if there are documents, they need to send them to us

They reply saying there's no record of any debt on file for my dad and asking me for an account number

IF I HAD AN ACCOUNT NUMBER....oh neverfuckin mind

(or a zero-based 12 hour clock if that's easier for people, nobody would misunderstand 0:00pm)

xp to myself

Counterpoint: people who use military time in civilian life are often dicks.

Ex-military guy: "Let's meet at fourteen hundred."

The rest of us: "Um, okay, I guess. When is that?"

24-hour clock? Yes. And the USA should just switch to the metric system, too, while we're at it. But Esperanto can wait. There are limits on what people will stand for.

I think we can simultaneously admire the elegance and precision of the metric system, 24-hour time, and Esperanto... while also thinking that certain smug and supercilious advocates of those systems can be tone-deaf assholes.

"Yeah just turn left in about two point three kilometers."

For lots of people, you might as well have used versts, or furlongs per fortnight. Read the room.

going from a 12 to 24 hour clock seems much easier than switching to metric, which is something that takes multiple generations

the people I teach would probably screw it up.

"why did you show up at 11 pm for training class"

"you said the class was at 13:00, and I subtracted 13 from 24".

The entirety of Europe and the UK manage the 24h click just fine, get with the fucking program my fellow Americans.

you're talking to a nation that screams in anger that they have to press 1 to speak to an English-speaking representative on the phone

And any mention of doing something "like in Europe" gets met with cries of "Socialism!"

like why people refuse to watch soccer to "own the Brits"

OTM. After the last five years (and especially 2020), I don't think it is a stretch at all to say there would be guaranteed at least one armed protest somewhere in the country if we tried to mandate the 24-hour clock or the metric system.

"My Meters Don't Kilo"

Canadians also don't know the 24 hr clock ime.

Oh, man, you want to hear a fight we've had here so many times? Today is Monday, in a few days it will be Friday. So is that "this Friday" or "next Friday?" I think it's "this" Friday, because "next" Friday is next week, a la ..."next week."

The best way to sell the metric system to the US is to start referring to it as the tactical system.