all the kids are into variety shows these days
― Daniel_Rf, Tuesday, 8 December 2020 11:06 (three years ago) link
kid interpreted the 'pitch' in the phrase 'pitch black' to mean very or extremely, so now he describes things as 'pitch loud' or 'pitch cold'
opening up our box of seasonal christmas decorations has reintroduced him to this stupid singing christmas dog toy that one of his grandmothers got him a few years ago. It looks slightly different but the goddamn song is the same as this one:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bArnBDsnb1w
Anyway yesterday he asked us if we could only pick one to listen to, would we pick the animatronic dog, or the Grateful Dead? He argued for the dog because the Dead's catalog is too slow and the songs are too long.
― joygoat, Tuesday, 8 December 2020 14:38 (three years ago) link
kid otm
― early-Woolf semantic prosody (Hadrian VIII), Tuesday, 8 December 2020 14:42 (three years ago) link
As I uncorked a bottle of wine: “You’ve had that all this time?!”Huh? I just got it last week.“But it says ‘2018’...”
― good karma, my aesthetic (morrisp), Friday, 11 December 2020 01:24 (three years ago) link
Our 4 year old apparently thinks the lyrics to her christmas nativity song are "It was on a starry night, when the hills were bright, ugly sleeping, sleeping calm and still".
― ledge, Friday, 11 December 2020 09:11 (three years ago) link
My five year was talking about Christmas and anticipating opening her presents on Christmas morning and then suddenly says: "I hope Santa doesn't get Covid19"
― silverfish, Friday, 11 December 2020 16:12 (three years ago) link
From a friend's 8 yr old:
Today, when she got home from the dentist.Me: How did the laughing gas go?Child: I met Kasey Musgraves.
― change display name (Jordan), Friday, 11 December 2020 17:45 (three years ago) link
lmao asked & answered
― terminators of endearment (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 11 December 2020 18:18 (three years ago) link
6yo and his dad were talking about family trees. 6yo: I'll never forget you, daddydad: aww6yo: because I'll write you down on a piece of paper
― kinder, Saturday, 19 December 2020 09:19 (three years ago) link
Opal's been a nightmare, and fighting bedtime, though tonight she did a bit of cute stalling.
Called me back into her room and said
"Daddy, where is starry?"
who's starry?
"The star shape on my ceiling that I stare at every night"
This is the first we've heard of this. I look up, see nothing there.
"Where is starry my star friend, she's my best friend"
I don't know, maybe it's too cloudy.
"Maybe she's sleeping!"
Yes, that's a good guess, she's probably sleeping.
"No Daddy, she's not sleeping...stars are nocturnal"
― dan selzer, Sunday, 20 December 2020 05:31 (three years ago) link
A few days ago she said looking for shapes in the clouds is looking for "cloud constellations" and today she was making out shapes in the snow which are, you guessed it, "snow constellations"
― dan selzer, Sunday, 20 December 2020 05:32 (three years ago) link
maybe she is an ilxor!
― cerebral halsey (rip van wanko), Sunday, 20 December 2020 06:13 (three years ago) link
> constellations
Hadn't really noticed the stella = star part of this before, otherwise she'd be spot on.
― koogs, Sunday, 20 December 2020 06:41 (three years ago) link
rvw otm
― Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Sunday, 20 December 2020 10:14 (three years ago) link
Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand) at 10:41 11 Dec 19last christmas, i pooed in my pantsthe very next day, i peed in my pants
― peace, man, Sunday, 20 December 2020 20:33 (three years ago) link
oh man. i've been thinking about that one a lot, too.
― Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Sunday, 20 December 2020 23:49 (three years ago) link
“Daddy—what’s TikTok?”🧔🏻🔫
― Qui-Gon's Noble End (morrisp), Wednesday, 23 December 2020 01:30 (three years ago) link
My sister recently got a new kitten called Buttons. 3-year old niece insists that Buttons "Is not a good name for a cat" and that it should be called Stain instead.
― Specific Ocean Blue (dog latin), Wednesday, 30 December 2020 12:08 (three years ago) link
Lol
― Tsar Bombadil (James Morrison), Wednesday, 30 December 2020 21:56 (three years ago) link
My wife's 3yo niece when her <1yo sister wouldn't go in the wendy house: "get in you stupid bugger"
― ledge, Monday, 4 January 2021 15:40 (three years ago) link
Haha, that's a riot!
― peace, man, Monday, 4 January 2021 15:47 (three years ago) link
Tweens text the damndest things:
https://i.imgur.com/VsLXF4N.jpg
― pplains, Tuesday, 5 January 2021 14:03 (three years ago) link
My sister recently got a new kitten called Buttons. 3-year old niece insists that Buttons "Is not a good name for a cat" and that it should be called Stain instead.― Specific Ocean Blue (dog latin), Wednesday, December 30, 2020 12:08 PM (six days ago) bookmarkflaglink
― Specific Ocean Blue (dog latin), Wednesday, December 30, 2020 12:08 PM (six days ago) bookmarkflaglink
Update: My brother also got a kitten at the same time, named Pablo. Pablo is also "not a good name for a cat". Apparently "Pen-ON" (with the emphasis on "ON") is much more suitable.
― Specific Ocean Blue (dog latin), Tuesday, 5 January 2021 14:34 (three years ago) link
I want this girl to re-name every cat.
― peace, man, Tuesday, 5 January 2021 14:40 (three years ago) link
these are my cats, stain and pen-ON
― superdeep borehole (harbl), Tuesday, 5 January 2021 14:54 (three years ago) link
love the vine txt
― shivers me timber (sic), Tuesday, 5 January 2021 20:12 (three years ago) link
3-year old niece (Whatsapp Audio message): ""Good morning everybody! Happy New Year! Happy birthday! Merry St Lucia!"
― Specific Ocean Blue (dog latin), Tuesday, 19 January 2021 10:28 (three years ago) link
"I don't want any more nightmares! I only want dreams about turtles!"
― silverfish, Tuesday, 19 January 2021 14:59 (three years ago) link
feeling it
― John Wesley Glasscock (Hadrian VIII), Tuesday, 19 January 2021 15:13 (three years ago) link
silverfish at 8:43 14 Nov. 17"Earth is my favorite planet because that's where my friends live"Update:"I like Saturn because that's where space unicorns live"
― silverfish, Tuesday, 23 February 2021 23:42 (three years ago) link
Can't argue with that.
― Tsar Bombadil (James Morrison), Wednesday, 24 February 2021 01:03 (three years ago) link
"daddy you know Chris Brown?"
warily.. "yeah"
"is he a lesbian?"
"is he a what?"
"a lesbian. is Chris Brown a lesbian?"
"you know what a lesbian is, right?"
"yeah"
"well, Chris Brown is a man"
"yeah i know. but he looks like a lesbian"
― Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Monday, 1 March 2021 14:51 (three years ago) link
How we say goodnight to the 14-year-old.
I compare B's cat to Buster Keaton
SUNNY: How is she going to know who Buster Keaton is?
ME: Well, hell? How would I know who Buster Keaton is? Dude was famous 50 years before I was born!
SUNNY: Do you know who Buster Keaton was?
B: No.
ME: He was a silent film star. See, when I was born, talkees were already popular.
SUNNY: *sighs*. Do you even know what talkees are?
B: No. But it sounds racist.
― pplains, Monday, 1 March 2021 15:28 (three years ago) link
So we do co-sleeping :A: Dad, can I have a little lie in before [my little sister] comes in?D: Of course. A: Because your snoring kept me awake all night.
― Ignore the neighsayers: grow a lemon tree (ledge), Saturday, 20 March 2021 09:46 (three years ago) link
teehee
― terminators of endearment (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 20 March 2021 14:34 (three years ago) link
Opal calls hearing “earsight”
― dan selzer, Saturday, 20 March 2021 16:00 (three years ago) link
“When a police officer dies they lost the flag a little bit. When the flag touches the ground it means they are all dead.”
― Muswell Hillbilly Elegy (President Keyes), Sunday, 4 April 2021 00:19 (two years ago) link
(After I tell him he should turn off his wireless mouse to save the battery:)“You’re a hipo... hipo... hipo... I don’t know the word. It means you never stick with one answer.”Hypocrite?“Yeah – I see it a lot in Peanuts.”
― Yawnsomely Literal Cover Band (morrisp), Friday, 16 April 2021 04:26 (two years ago) link
my kids use all the slang now. sometimes i hate it. but sometimes it's great. i made some rhubarb shortcake the other night and my 9-y-o goes 'dad this is bussin bussin'
words cannot describe the pride
― Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 28 April 2021 09:51 (two years ago) link
Speaking of slang, this low-key SE London exchange took place yesterday:M: Little children are quite funny.F: Rude! Rude to say that when you’re near a child.M: You’re quite a big child now, F.F: No. Big children are pure teenagers.‘Rude’ has been there for about a month now, but this was the first appearance of ‘pure’.
― Madchen, Wednesday, 28 April 2021 09:59 (two years ago) link
picking up the glasgow slang from you surely
― Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 28 April 2021 10:00 (two years ago) link
He gave his father a telling-off for talking Scottish when he’s in England: “You should only speak English in England, Daddy.” That one was hurriedly turned into a Learning Opportunity. The absolute 100% best thing he says is ‘tooken’ instead of taken. I hope he never stops.
― Madchen, Wednesday, 28 April 2021 10:06 (two years ago) link
Opal used to call speaking English as talking “regular” as opposed to Spanish. Also a learning opportunity.
― dan selzer, Wednesday, 28 April 2021 14:01 (two years ago) link
When I was very young I used to think women spoke French and men spoke English, based on my parents
― Urbandn hope all ye who enter here (dog latin), Wednesday, 28 April 2021 14:15 (two years ago) link
I feel like that makes sense.
― dan selzer, Wednesday, 28 April 2021 16:41 (two years ago) link
Looking at Scholastic book club flyer:Kid: Well well well! Dav Pilkey had announced he was discontinuing Dog Man books – but here’s a new one. Talk about fake news!Me: Maybe don’t say “fake news”; that’s something Donald Trump made up.Kid: Really? But I just came up with it… what do you mean?Me: (??)Uh, OK… I guess it’s all right.
― smoking grass, poor caddying. (morrisp), Thursday, 29 April 2021 03:46 (two years ago) link
He also didn’t make it up, he just said it a lot
― Clara Lemlich stan account (silby), Thursday, 29 April 2021 04:15 (two years ago) link
Really? But I just came up with it… what do you mean?
massive lols at this.
― visiting, Thursday, 29 April 2021 04:23 (two years ago) link
Also tho I’m so glad scholastic book orders still exist…i loved that shit
― Clara Lemlich stan account (silby), Thursday, 29 April 2021 04:33 (two years ago) link
get that kid some Gordon Kormans
'dad this is bussin bussin'
:D at this and madchen's
― bobo honkin' slobo babe (sic), Thursday, 29 April 2021 04:42 (two years ago) link