should ilxors be tempbanned for taking their beefs to other social media? (twitter/fbook/myspace/etc)?

lol

should ilxors be banned for taking their all beef patties to social media

impossible burger tbh

Ouch, my mcribs

http://pics.me.me/thumb_i

http://i.imgur.com/EcXNqnR.png

Sad I missed Whiney's intrusion into the No Boys Allowed thread, even though I think that is poor form.

it actually did get commemorated:

Who are the self-clowning ovens of ILX?

there is this v troubling and uncomf pattern I have seen where when ppl try to patiently explain their transgressions to them or hold them accountable, they will derail it by switching to this facetious hyperbole thing of "well I GUESS I can't say ANYTHING then! I guess EVERYONE just HATES me!!!!!!!", it is incredibly manipulative

Yeah, that's pretty much just the pattern, afaict.

idk if it's facetious or if they are genuinely feeling that way but ... it definitely functions to make people feel shitty who confront them in a respectful manner

and it leads to compounding the amount of ... really, it's a pretty appropriate term here ... emotional labor ... required to broach the subject and not immediately back down or leave or ...

facetious is not the right word but when you scream "I GUESS I can't say ANYTHING", you know that you cannot in fact not say anything, there is a knowing dramatic exaggeration for effect

it's so incredibly childish!!

the answer there is "you CAN'T say ANYTHING, you can say MOST THINGS and there are a few things you CAN'T say and if you had been raised properly you would KNOW WHAT THOSE THINGS ARE"

fwiw admin log now saying ban is permanent

i would just like to say i'm very grateful to sarahell for documenting this moment in the self-clowning ovens thread.

the whole thing makes me sad, bcz they are incredibly smart and often have v insightful and unique and interesting things to say, but they are also capable of so much harm, and no amount of like gentle calling-in seems to have had any long-term effect on their behavior. like I so so so wish they could get to a place where they could accept criticism w/o such volatile reaction but as long as that is the case it does not seem like a v great environment for us OR them

i mean, i think they see gendered oppression everywhere they look. they read it into civil critiques offered by non-male, non-straight, non-cis ilxors -- everyone is an avatar of patriarchy. there is a degree of manipulation in this, for sure, but i also think they see the world like this, which is what makes me feel weird about the whole thing. it feels delusional.

yeah, sorry for semantic nit-picking -- I guess I try not to focus on trying to read said poster's mind or assuming anything about their intentions or thought process, but the effect on the people that they treat that way, and how you feel abused and manipulated ... like, that's the key thing. That it's a pattern, that it affects many people, that it's been brought to this poster's attention by numerous people, some of them friends (and now former friends), and things don't really change.

Like, you should be able to say respectfully: maybe you didn't intend to come across this way, but this feels abusive and I feel manipulated by the way you do x.
And the other poster should respond: Fuck! I don't want to be an asshole! I don't want to hurt you. I am sorry.

And not like you are obligated to just accept that at face value, but, the fact that there didn't appear to be any regret or empathy and only defensiveness and anger ... that is bad.

the whole thing makes me sad, bcz they are incredibly smart and often have v insightful and unique and interesting things to say, but they are also capable of so much harm, and no amount of like gentle calling-in seems to have had any long-term effect on their behavior.

otm!!!

The thing is that literally anyone on this board has some 'thing' they could point to as the reason they constantly behave badly if that person were of a mind to constantly behave badly, but an explanation is not an excuse. And it's not something people here do, by and large. We fuck up because we're humans who fuck up and, by and large, when we fuck up, we issue our mea culpas and try to make right rather than saying 'oh, this one thing about me is why I fucked up and why it's basically your shit to deal with rather than mine'.

Anyway.

the whole thing makes me sad, bcz they are incredibly smart and often have v insightful and unique and interesting things to say, but they are also capable of so much harm, and no amount of like gentle calling-in seems to have had any long-term effect on their behavior. like I so so so wish they could get to a place where they could accept criticism w/o such volatile reaction but as long as that is the case it does not seem like a v great environment for us OR them

― Warmed Regards, (Stevie D(eux)), Monday, February 22, 2021 8:22 PM (three minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

yes, this is what it boils down to imo. like, lots of us have rough edges but most of us who do genuinely want to apologize for and change behavior that needlessly hurts other people (though lord knows for some of us it's not always easy). but this person hasn't shown any willingness to move in that direction at all, which over time creates an untenable situation.

xp They're on the record as saying that the only use for empathy is to keep men from physically abusing women. I was chilled to my core when I read that.

They are the only traumatised person in the entire world, the only one with mh issues. The only trans person. In fact they are the sole protagonist of the universe and other humans don’t actually exist, so don’t merit consideration.

As another poster said it’s a hell of a lot to continue putting up with narcissists at a time when everyone is looking for community and support. I had to have a grim chuckle at Neanderthal’s post upthread about a horrible incident being “the last straw”... “a few years back”! it clearly takes a lot to get to this stage & they have put the work in to get this ban

i miss mh ... did he quit ilx?

Just busy with work iirc

That corn won’t cob itself

isn't it more like C:>/ orn or something ...?

Corned beef #

I had to have a grim chuckle at Neanderthal’s post upthread about a horrible incident being “the last straw”... “a few years back”!

Villager: He's a Frankenstein, and they're all the same. It's in their blood, they can't help it. All those scientists, they're all alike. They say they're working for us, but what they really want to do is rule the world.
Second Elder: That's enough now. I will not have this meeting become a free-for-all. These are very serious charges you're making. All the more painful to us, your elders, because we still have nightmares from five times before.

Lol.

Love that scene, especially because the villagers all have British accents, like Peter Noone or something.

I have too many dogs in this fight, and as far as I can see you have none.

no one but they has the appropriate experience to comment on a wide range of matters; for someone to even try is discriminatory. all your dogs are belong to them

It is ableist to hold autistic people to these highly gendered neurological standards around the management of other people’s emotions.

it is discrimination to expect them to care about other people or their feelings, even those of 'friends'. consideration of others requires emotional labour, which they refuse to perform. someone died? not their problem; they shall neither amend nor apologize

this has been going on for 18 years! everyone (well, not gyac or tombot) walks on eggshells whenever they're around and it always turns out the same way! people, most notably sarahell in recent times, bend over backward to accommodate them, only to be shivved in turn. they're only here, periodically, for attention or to-the-letter agreement, and do not care in the least about other people or their experiences

fucking enough already

notable Admin Log update:

(Update, Feb. 22, 2021: after reflection and consultation, this ban is now permanent. Signed WmC)

And the crowd goes wild.

ah -- i'd assumed that 'permanent' was the usual admin log misnomer

nm!

Look i aint been starting anything this past few years, sure, but i must protest at eggshells tbh

Yeah I think plenty of ppl have not at all hesitated to smash a few rounds of eggs over the years tbh. For whatever aim/result it had.

I freely admit that I’m an eggshell guy

I don't know that I've ever engaged directly because I typically avoid interacting with people who seem toxic and/or exhibit a poor understanding of boundaries. So I don't have a dog in this fight or any personal animus. But while I can't think of any one poster who was instrumental in driving away any other particular poster, I can definitely name one particular poster who was instrumental in driving away several posters (and nearly doing so with others), which, whatever positives the poster in question may have contributed to the board, strikes me as a net negative and a situation that I'm glad to finally see handled.

I geniunely dont have a dog in this fight but didn't someone say uptherad it is not kosher to be going on about someone who now has no right of reply? Maybe this isnt the coolest idea.

I agree

I missed a lot of this, things move fast.
This whole thing is sad. Colonel P, my main thought is that I hope you're ok.

I know I'm in the minority in this respect but Branwell did have a knack for explaining certain things in a way that spoke to me.
I am sure I have missed like 80% of all of the stuff described, so am obviously not in a place of having the full picture - I'm really sorry loads of people have been hurt here. I've been in the position of having the boot stuck in while I was feeling particularly low and it stayed with me for a long time and affected what I post.

One thing I'm not clear on though - we on ILX are all ok with people finding our social media accounts/names and posting them publicly, even if it ends up being temporary? I know a lot of you all know each other irl but I did think there was an unofficial line there on making these public?
xp Maybe this is for another thread then?

I do actually somewhat agree that its tough to have this outpouring kinder, yes.

It is maybe a function of a lot of individual frustration and bitten tongues over a long long period tho.

But on the last point, who posts what, where, publicly first is somewhat the key to untangling what's right and fair there

I think the answer to this is no, which is why said screenshot was removed

xp

I mean like, I mention ILX on facebook from time to time, but its innocuous stuff like reposting a funny Tep joke or saying "is ILX down atm?" or whatever.

kinder - we've actually just updated the FAQ in response to this. New text here:

What is the policy on posting personal information?
This is broadly unacceptable and mods will (generally) delete on sight/report, and may warn or ban users for doing so. The definition of "personal information" has a clear core -- it's anything that can identify an individual in ways they have not already volunteered in public on the site. That includes linking or identifying accounts on other sites (whether or not those accounts are anonymous/public), using legal names (when they're not the user's display name here) or posting real-world identifying information. There may be case-by-case exemptions, but in short: don't dox.

we on ILX are all ok with people finding our social media accounts/names and posting them publicly, even if it ends up being temporary

good point -- I think this was handled ok, in that the screenshot from B's twitter (which was public at the time for several posts that obviously referred to gyac) was swiftly deleted. Those posts (if still extant) are now private, which is B's right. I think there had been another post that had been public that gyac had seen, that in between gyac seeing it, and me clicking the link, had been made private. This incident, while also on twitter, wasn't the same as the one this thread was started about.

thanks emil.y - it was something I raised as I occasionally start worrying more about my online privacy.

There were a rash of ILXors who friended me on FB who I fairly quickly either hid my posts from or unfriended because I couldnt really trust shit not to get spewed elsewhere. I'm not saying they would or did, but the impression was left regardless (think ppl like Jon Willamz)