your terrible ideas

one in every ten vaccines should contain nutrients that make your farts smell like bakery fresh muffins

Pre-mayonnaised bread slices
― "The Pus/Worm" by The Smiths (hardcore dilettante)

welp, i gotta go to bed. there's nothing left to see today

A mash up of the weeknd’s star boy and the untitled goose game

a band that insists they make humorous parodies of popular songs "like weird al", but all of the parodies are straight covers with lyrics clumsily adjusted with "the song" or "the singer", e.g. the first verse of their parody of 'Helpless' would go something like:

There is a song about a town in North Ontario
With dream, comfort, memory to spare
And in the singer's mind, he still needs a place to go
All his changes were there

the singer would be cracking himself up the whole time, acting as if the lyrics were just the goofiest shit ever. maybe they cover an instrumental song in a different key and laugh themselves to death at the end.

as in:

There is a song in New Orleans
They call the Rising Sun
And it's been the ruin of many a singer boy
And God, I know I'm one

?

Wait, like he's just singing along and then stares pointedly at the audience as the music drops out for half a second and drops 'THE SINGER' in a real stilted way and then returns to performing the song as straight as he can while doubling over with self-satisfied laughter? It's like you have a spy cam in my house or something, so eerie.

xpost Presumably 'And God...THE SINGER...knows...HE'S..one (uncontrollable guffaws)'

yeah and would be clumsier in rushing to add words so "There is a song about a house in New Orleans" where "thereisasongabouta" would be sung very quickly in the usual span of "there is a"

and just laughing their asses off about their humorous parody of these popular songs

God, that sounds unbearably obnoxious, I love it.

you can find a lot of this sorta thing on youtube i would imagine

lol, yeah was gonna say, my small handful of YT videos mostly exist to annoy any random googler who accidentally happens upon them. Seems like what the service is there for, pretty much.

A service that occasionally interrupts your spotify playlists with track idents and optional ai generated jingles and dj chat.

A brand of fish sticks called Cod Pieces

a murder mystery novel about a professional-chef-turned-murder-mystery-novelist that gets wrapped up in an actual murder. Excerpts from the chef-novelist's work show that he uses only detailed food or cooking imagery to describe the gruesome crime scenes. gradually, the author of the encapsulating novel begins to do the same with details of the real murder. like the smoke from a chile de arbol roasting in the pan, it hits you -- you're reading my memoir.

The singer thinks you're so vain
The singer thinks you probably think this song is about you

is that the idea? xp

precisely! everyone will recall that song and how the singer thought they are so vain -- hilarious!

A series of youtube videos in which I blow strangers' minds by speaking to them in perfect English

Thank God I finished reading that sentence

"Hey, how are you? My name is man alive. Do you shop in this convenience store often?"
"Wow, that's amazing. Where did you learn to do that?"
"I was born here in the United States, as were both of my parents. In addition, I have lived here my entire life and studied English throughout school and in college. Further, I majored in English literature in college."
"Whoa! Your English is so good!"

*American

a reactions channel on YouTube but it's just people reacting to dull, generic stock photos of everyday household items. I would keep the camera on them until they said something interesting, even if it took hours, and post the videos unedited except for some tinkly ukulele music on a loop.

I would only hire tired middle-aged people without any skill in public speaking, and film them after a long day at work.

loop the drum break from Jack and Diane in the background and put it in a gallery

sounds great to me tbh

I had a dream last night about a new product and I'm unsure whether it belongs itt or if I should go on Shark Tank ASAP. It's the Toupiary, which is basically a combination of a bald cap and a Chia Pet, for the follocularly-challenged. Let the bidding begin.

the toupiary allows you not be bald anymore while snacking on delicious alfalfa sprouts all day. you could say the toupiary is a twofer!

https://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/chia-head/n10042

You may be remembering an SNL fake commercial.

thank you. i had the image of kevin nealon spreading shit on his head, but couldn't place it.

Oh goddamnit, I just sank my entire life savings into bringing a fake SNL product to life

Still, mad props to my unconscious brain for coming up with the phrase 'Toupiary'

"mad props for your unconscious brain" sounds like a good tag for your first ad

'The Skype Avatar of Dorian Grey'

A crossover of Black Panthers (Varda, 1968) with Black Panther (Coogler, 2018). I'm spending precious mental energy trying to figure the intersection point.

seems like a slam dunk. the superhero movie has flashback scenes in Oakland, right?

A zombie movie where:

a) instead of a zombie infection transmitted by a bite it's brainworms transmitted by a Facebook post, and
b) instead of turning into actual zombies people turn into conspiracy-spewing boomers

I don't actually know if this is terrible or if it's the best idea I've ever had.

trenchant social commentary 2 is thatta way, buddy.

Thank u 4 title. Trenchant, coming soon to a streaming platform near you.

An American Girl-style doll for guitar dads, where the accessories are all scale models of famous guitars, amps, and pedals. Maybe you can't shell out thousands for that 1964 Gibson ES-335, but you can get little Ricky one for only $100!

https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/1194/8644/products/il_fullxfull.587146811_qedt_1024x1024.jpeg

a buttplug that shines a holographic black bar in front of your genitalia and bare butt so that if you're changing in public or anything, nobody can see anything.

also so that ify ou're in a strip club, you can charge someone more money to remove the black bars.

tinted contact lenses that can see through holograms, for the pervert market

Party Pockets, a king-sized Hot Pocket big enough for you and all your friends to gnaw and slobber on but too big for most conventional microwaves.

omg

like a p'zone or piadina but p'bigger

Have a soccer tournament for the worst squads in the world and call it Urine 2021

A Beatles cover band called Scrambled Eggs, all food parodies of Beatles songs

I Wanna Bake Your Flan

Don't start this.

haha, sorry - I did not intend to solicit examples. i solemnly swear it's a terrible idea that's been floating in my head for years