your terrible ideas

lol, yeah was gonna say, my small handful of YT videos mostly exist to annoy any random googler who accidentally happens upon them. Seems like what the service is there for, pretty much.

A service that occasionally interrupts your spotify playlists with track idents and optional ai generated jingles and dj chat.

A brand of fish sticks called Cod Pieces

a murder mystery novel about a professional-chef-turned-murder-mystery-novelist that gets wrapped up in an actual murder. Excerpts from the chef-novelist's work show that he uses only detailed food or cooking imagery to describe the gruesome crime scenes. gradually, the author of the encapsulating novel begins to do the same with details of the real murder. like the smoke from a chile de arbol roasting in the pan, it hits you -- you're reading my memoir.

The singer thinks you're so vain
The singer thinks you probably think this song is about you

is that the idea? xp

precisely! everyone will recall that song and how the singer thought they are so vain -- hilarious!

A series of youtube videos in which I blow strangers' minds by speaking to them in perfect English

Thank God I finished reading that sentence

"Hey, how are you? My name is man alive. Do you shop in this convenience store often?"
"Wow, that's amazing. Where did you learn to do that?"
"I was born here in the United States, as were both of my parents. In addition, I have lived here my entire life and studied English throughout school and in college. Further, I majored in English literature in college."
"Whoa! Your English is so good!"

*American

a reactions channel on YouTube but it's just people reacting to dull, generic stock photos of everyday household items. I would keep the camera on them until they said something interesting, even if it took hours, and post the videos unedited except for some tinkly ukulele music on a loop.

I would only hire tired middle-aged people without any skill in public speaking, and film them after a long day at work.

loop the drum break from Jack and Diane in the background and put it in a gallery

sounds great to me tbh

I had a dream last night about a new product and I'm unsure whether it belongs itt or if I should go on Shark Tank ASAP. It's the Toupiary, which is basically a combination of a bald cap and a Chia Pet, for the follocularly-challenged. Let the bidding begin.

the toupiary allows you not be bald anymore while snacking on delicious alfalfa sprouts all day. you could say the toupiary is a twofer!

https://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/chia-head/n10042

You may be remembering an SNL fake commercial.

thank you. i had the image of kevin nealon spreading shit on his head, but couldn't place it.

Oh goddamnit, I just sank my entire life savings into bringing a fake SNL product to life

Still, mad props to my unconscious brain for coming up with the phrase 'Toupiary'

"mad props for your unconscious brain" sounds like a good tag for your first ad

'The Skype Avatar of Dorian Grey'

A crossover of Black Panthers (Varda, 1968) with Black Panther (Coogler, 2018). I'm spending precious mental energy trying to figure the intersection point.

seems like a slam dunk. the superhero movie has flashback scenes in Oakland, right?

A zombie movie where:

a) instead of a zombie infection transmitted by a bite it's brainworms transmitted by a Facebook post, and
b) instead of turning into actual zombies people turn into conspiracy-spewing boomers

I don't actually know if this is terrible or if it's the best idea I've ever had.

trenchant social commentary 2 is thatta way, buddy.

Thank u 4 title. Trenchant, coming soon to a streaming platform near you.

An American Girl-style doll for guitar dads, where the accessories are all scale models of famous guitars, amps, and pedals. Maybe you can't shell out thousands for that 1964 Gibson ES-335, but you can get little Ricky one for only $100!

https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/1194/8644/products/il_fullxfull.587146811_qedt_1024x1024.jpeg

a buttplug that shines a holographic black bar in front of your genitalia and bare butt so that if you're changing in public or anything, nobody can see anything.

also so that ify ou're in a strip club, you can charge someone more money to remove the black bars.

tinted contact lenses that can see through holograms, for the pervert market

Party Pockets, a king-sized Hot Pocket big enough for you and all your friends to gnaw and slobber on but too big for most conventional microwaves.

omg

like a p'zone or piadina but p'bigger

Have a soccer tournament for the worst squads in the world and call it Urine 2021

A Beatles cover band called Scrambled Eggs, all food parodies of Beatles songs

I Wanna Bake Your Flan

Don't start this.

haha, sorry - I did not intend to solicit examples. i solemnly swear it's a terrible idea that's been floating in my head for years

lol I think the pizza invasion of the Excelsior thread has everybody jumpy

if I ever bring it to life we'll for sure get Ziggy Cornmeal and the Slices from Mars to open

You gotta reach these heights or just give it up

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I7v_O5ics-s

a business like those places where you can get a photo printed on a cake but you can get the photo on other foods such as giant hot pockets

Lol hueg photo of Shaquille O'Neal on a hot Pocket

Boss Hogg printed on a plateful of mashed potatoes

A line of luxury, members-only portajohns dotting the landscape of most major cities and catering to those discriminating sorts who absolutely must eliminate their waste amidst unparalleled elegance.

The name, of course, is Potty Haughty.

A Milli Vanilli tribute band that performs the songs in the style of Willie Nelson, called Willy Nilly.

lol

Small porous terracotta figurines of historical Islamic leaders (Imams, Caliphs, etc.). You can spread seeds on them, which then grow as hair on the statue.

Shia pets.

nelly's nelson cover album would be

willie via nelly

Brickgun: an FPS game where the player is armed with a gun that fires bricks, so they can build chest high walls to duck behind while their health regenerates.

― You are swimming in spaghetti. Without a paddle. (snoball), Sunday, 11 January 2015 13:41 (six years ago)

Gun resembling Lego toy sparks backlash in US