Least promising Sequel/Remake/Franchise Flick of 2022

i hear they fucked up scream

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

They let Trevorrow write and direct another JP movie. lol.

I couldn't believe just how bad Branagh's Orient Express remake was, don't hold out much hope of him turning it around w Death on the Nile

― Ward Fowler

I watched 10 minutes of it and could barely believe how bad it was.

missed this thread. the right pick won, though obviously a great many of these look very bad indeed, especially "Lightyear." the Fantastic Beasts series really has become the ultimate avatar of pointless franchise universe extensions, replacing the Star Wars prequels and Hobbit films for utter superfluity, exhausting bigness, and missing-the-pointness with regard to what people liked about the thing originally.

i feel like this list is WORSE than usual, probably because of the buildup of unreleased dreck from 2020 and 2021. Across the Spider-Verse and Black Panther 2 are the only ones where i'd be surprised if they weren't good or great. Thor, Aquaman, and Dr. Strange all have at least the potential to be entertaining, and entertainingly silly, if viewed in the right mood, assuming the filmmakers don't blow it. and i'm told the Mission Impossible movies are really great, so probably this one will be okay.

i may be alone in actually wanting to see Death on the Nile --- the previous Branagh/Poirot flick made a perfectly pleasant noontime viewing in a cozy theater on a very slushy day. the trailer's pumped-up intensity hasn't exactly gotten me excited, but i'm hoping it's actually another easygoing little movie, and that the trailer people just don't know what to do with that.

of this list, i will likely see thor and jackass

Ahem

#TheBatman runtime has finally been revealed: 2 hours and 47 minutes, without credits. https://t.co/NWjoFtVFgr pic.twitter.com/XpsGmkvkNL

— Variety (@Variety) January 20, 2022

I really hoped Endgame was going to kind of be the peak of this bloated runtime thing, but it's only getting worse. There was no reason the new Bond flick needed to be 163 minutes long (especially considering they still only managed to carve out 5 minutes for Ana de Armas).

yeah I'm not one of those <all movies should be 90 mins> people, but the combined total of live-action Batman movie minutes is an indictment of the human species

Hollywood's creative well has run drier than Death Valley.

kinda wild that there will be no credits in the new batman movie

seriously though, i am hard pressed to imagine needing to ever see another batman movie ever again

well okay, i could see rewatching the burton ones at some point

new one has the penguin and catwoman again

Before The Souvenir Part II (speaking of sequels), I saw the trailer for Death on the Nile. Branagh has clearly NOT toned down what I hated about his Poirot the last time around. Although I might watch it as an exercise in 1930s styling.

Also, there was a trailer for Cyrano, the latest remake of you-know-what, retooled as a vehicle for Peter Dinklage. Is this supposed to be a full-out musical?

i think so, but the trailer seemed almost unwilling to commit to that.

Maybe the new Batman movie is that long because it finally shows how he became Batman.

Got to explain why he never phones his mum

Also, there was a trailer for Cyrano, the latest remake of you-know-what, retooled as a vehicle for Peter Dinklage. Is this supposed to be a full-out musical?

Yeah, it's a musical, and Dinklage sings. His wife wrote the adaptation, apparently.

Mission Impossible bumped to July 2023

(from September 2022, where it was bumped from May 2022, where it was bumped from November 2021, where it was bumped from July 2021)

Tom Cruise is gonna be dead before that movie opens.

here's hoping

i'd watch a new three hour batman movie if it was a musical
or rather i would watch the first ten minutes

i hear they fucked up scream

― i cannot help if you made yourself not funny (forksclovetofu), Sunday, January 16, 2022 1:31 PM (one week ago) bookmarkflaglink

honestly they did not fuck it up enough

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DoIrmLrpdo0

hey no spoilers

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DbVpSbchFrU

I guess these aren't remakes/sequels but jesus christ:

Warner Bros. is in prep for “Barbie,” starring Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling and directed by Greta Gerwig, who co-wrote the screenplay with partner Noah Baumbach. They’re also at script stage on a Hot Wheels film. In July, Netflix will shoot the anticipated remount of “Masters of the Universe,” with Kyle Allen starring as the buff, blonde He-Man. Universal Pictures is at work on a horror franchise based on Magic 8 Ball with Blumhouse, and the studio is bringing Rock ’Em Sock ’Em Robots to life with Vin Diesel. At Paramount, Tom Hanks will embody his childhood favorite Major Matt Mason, the astronaut action figure, with “A Beautiful Mind” screenwriter Akiva Goldsman, and MGM will put forth Polly Pocket with writer-director Lena Dunham and star Lily Collins.

https://variety.com/2022/film/news/mattel-films-robbie-brenner-barbie-he-man-1235166459/

OTOH I would maybe watch a documentary about serious adult humans making these movies:

"Jason Bateman’s Aggregate Films is also at work on movies based on the Mattel dolls Chatty Cathy and Betsy Wetsy."

hardcore pornographers reading that line: "yikes that sounds undignified"

Lena dunham’s polly pocket movie, what a world

This isn't even set to start filming until this year, reportedly, but, uh ...

In June 2016, writer Randall Wallace stated that he and Gibson had begun work on a sequel to The Passion of the Christ focusing on the resurrection of Jesus. ... He implied that part of the movie would be taking place in Hell and, while talking to Raymond Arroyo, said that it also may show flashbacks depicting the fall of the Angels.

In January 2018, Caviezel was in agreements with Mel Gibson to reprise his role as Jesus in the sequel. In March 2020, Caviezel stated in an interview that the film was in its fifth draft. However, in September 2020, Caviezel then said that Gibson had sent him the third draft of the screenplay.

After many years of delay, the production is starting in the summer of 2022. The sequel will be released exactly 20 years after The Passion of the Christ, in February 2024.

holding out hope for a slate of Apostle spinoff films to be announced at this year's Comic Con

Jesus Christ

three day takings eagerly awaited

fingers crossed for a good friday

Christ 2: Harder, Christer

poster leaked

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/9/9b/Oh%2C_God%21_Book_II_%281980%29_poster.jpg

five bags of popcorn

I’m gonna give it five bags of popcorn and a jumbo cup of soda because Jesus was probably thirsty after not having any soda for three whole days

Scream were actually pretty enjoyable. not scary at all, but the humor much less eye-rolly than 4.

Having watched it, I'd say Top Gun Maverick is now in my most promising list.

turns out that real people doing stunts in the real world and a good story is a refreshing change from two computer generated characters ending the film with a punch up.

which is how 85% of the films listed will end.

also maybe Downton Abbey, I havent seen that so cant confirm...

Was wondering if we had a Top Gun thread but yeah I thought this new one was great. The last half hour was thrilling, very Mission Impossible

ILX was way ahead of the curve.

https://kotaku.com/morbius-memes-twitch-movie-morbing-time-nintendo-switch-1848987370

Walter Chaw makes a decent case for the new TG: https://www.filmfreakcentral.net/ffc/2022/05/top-gun-maverick.html

(still a tough sell for me, I admit; the original may be my very least favorite of the big 80s blockbusters)

is this where we are talking about tom gun: cruise control starring my favorite action star tom gun

anyway, maverick: totally fine! really thrilling sports movie where the sport is murdering people for the government in a big fast plane. pretty much nothing gay about it except for the brief instances where cruise mourns his long-departed life partner goose, but at least true to form the straight romantic scenes are hilariously parodic and boring. (love connelly though, her presence in any movie is... comforting(?) to me. need to bring this up to my therapist.) and nowhere near as beautiful and palatial as the first but it functions much better as a blockbuster

it is also awful evil propaganda and that only really settled in when they're celebrating their kills at the end :) i like a lot of reagan-era "the cities are swarming with drug-addicted mutants and the only person who can save you is a cop who doesn't play by the rules and his enormous gun" conservative propaganda (and of course i also love the cia propaganda franchise also starring my beloved tom gun) that feels like it transpires in a hilarious fantasy universe only vaguely attached to ours, but i can perceive the real world consequences of the collected tom guns a lot more when i actually watch them. i already know i would hate to fly a really fast plane with a gun attached to it, but i will say it made flying a really fast plane seem so attractive, aside from all the scenes of people's faces bending backward because of the all of the fuckin gs they're absorbing (which made me think... oh, this is technology morphing the human body into new shapes... and my brain autospliced the opening airplane hangar scene from cronenberg's crash into the film)

When you got movies like Tom Cruise in them, you can't lose

tom gun drops to his knees to make out with the zip in ice kilmer's stomach, tony scott returns from the dead to light the strands of saliva between tongue cruise and val's cancer

excellent review Brad!

i also enjoyed it more than I expected... it's very well constructed as a war-sport-mission-popcorn movie. agreed that the romance doesn't quite sing, but those scenes still has more in them for me than all the stuff with the generic new recruits. although i guess it worked for some --- when the shithead guy steps up and does something useful, a mild round of applause went up from somewhere in the auditorium. my partner whispered to me, baffled: "who's a fan of Hangman?!

but the real step down from the original was aesthetic... Scott and the score gave it this amazing hazy overpowering quality that's really been smoothed out here.

also i couldn't get past how stupid their mission was. really? there's no other way to do this? what if you sent in, idk, a slightly higher number of planes. oh right, only the enemy has the super advanced unstoppable Fifth Generation Fighters. clearly we've starved the Pentagon for too long.

Not gonna go to bat very hard for it but my experience was more like Brad's: amusing and diverting enough, and I lolled several times. I'd watch another sequel, though I have doubts this was successful enough to make another

loved the rookie detective getting constantly outfletched by fletch

Not as good as a Fletch book, but a good modern adaptation of a Fletch book. Would happily watch two a year.