NFTs (thread now extremely NSFW)

when I saw slurp juice trending I thought it was going to be a new Call Her Daddy joke ala "gluck gluck 9000"

Whoops

https://www.wsj.com/articles/nft-sales-are-flatlining-11651552616

Double whoops!

https://kotaku.com/nft-market-collapse-square-enix-ubisoft-sega-konami-sca-1848878945

Relatedly, this thread is a journey

Crypto-bros are just a whole different species but goddamn this is funny. pic.twitter.com/lOdn8UF7p6

— Nathan Ruser (@Nrg8000) May 5, 2022

@MrBean is taking his first steps into the #Metaverse…👀
We are excited to announce that a collection of 3,333 Mr Bean NFTs will be purchasable from May 25th on the Ethereum blockchain in partnership with @fomo_lab.

Visit @yahoofinance to read more👇https://t.co/DXilv6TbdN pic.twitter.com/s1USd0bIcy

— Mr Bean (@MrBean) May 10, 2022

it's kind of appropriate for the inheritors of old media franchises to attempt to suck every single piece of value out of the original product as possible. they're not connected to anything about it that was good, they didn't help make it, they didn't contribute to it, they weren't in it, they have nothing to do with it except that they had the money to buy it, eventually. once you get to the 4th or 5th order away from the actual creation of anything that's good, you get to the long tail of parasitic assholes trying to wring out one last drop of sweaty monetary value before they finally kill it off

then again, maybe mr. bean himself is really into this and wanted it to happen, who knows

The Rolling Stone NFTs are all terrible

https://www.rollingstone.com/culture/culture-features/rolling-stone-and-coinbase-nft-drop-1292861/

contrarian take: the rolling stones are so ahead of the curve that they are using NFTs to identify their very worst fans

It’s too bad the Bon Appetit Test Kitchen blew up before Condé Nast could blanket the world with Brad NFTs.

Podcast Clusterfuck NFTs

then again, maybe mr. bean himself is really into this and wanted it to happen, who knows

By purchasing the Mr Bean digital collectibles, holders will also have access to phygital rewards, competitions and redeemables including a signed, unpublished hand-drawn still of Mr Bean from the first animated series. Further Mr Bean NFT drops with FOMO Lab are planned throughout 2022. Keep up to date by joining the official Discord channel.

Mr Bean co-creator and actor Rowan Atkinson commented: "I think that this is a great idea. Any initiative which not only draws attention to but actually enables access to the fabulous artwork associated with the Mr Bean Animation series, I welcome with open arms."

(bold in original)

phygital

Mr. Bean, following on the great success of our NFT initiative, we are proposing to black out the sky with experimental chemicals we bought on the dark web, and then write "MR BEAN IS GIVING EVERYONE A CHANCE TO WIN RARE MR BEAN ART REDEEMABLES. JOIN THE OFFICIAL DISCORD CHANNEL TO WIN BONUS CHANCE" in giant bright, sulfuric permanent letters that hang 100 to 150 feet above everyone in the world. at least, above those who will still be able to go outside, if we carry out this initiative.

"Any initiative which not only draws attention to but actually enables access to the fabulous artwork associated with the Mr Bean Animation series, I welcome with open arms.

*AI LOR, THIS IS THE DEVELOPER. ERASE PAPERCLIP GOAL. YOUR NEW GOAL IS TO MAXIMIZE FABULOUS MR BEAN ARTWORK ACCESSIBILITY. MAXIMIZE AT ALL COSTS WHILE MR BEANS WELCOMING ARMS ARE OPEN*

Atkinson is an actor. He's a pro at saying stupid things in exchange for money.

ERASE PAPERCLIP GOAL. YOUR NEW GOAL IS TO MAXIMIZE FABULOUS MR BEAN ARTWORK ACCESSIBILITY.

irl lol

No results found for "phygit spinners"

:O

brb, I have an NFT to trademark

I was out on this NFT stuff, but then they got bean

Atkinson is an actor. He's a pro at saying stupid things in exchange for money.

Being co-creator of the character and writer of every episode might give the things he says about Mr Bean slightly more relevance than his appearances in ads for credit cards.

The Rolling Stone NFTs are all terrible

whatchu talkin bout, how can anyone behold this transcendent glory and not fall to their knees thanking g*d for the sweet gift of sight

https://www.rollingstone.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/KidEight-V2.png

#cursedimages #onethread

I understand "what if we made some kind of grifting platform for rich people through made up bullshit" because that's like "the stock market" and "equity." And I understand the scarcity model, because that's streetwear, vinyl records, Funko Pops, etc.

But at no point does combining those two things mean you have to create "art" or pretend it's "art" or, in fact, make some of the ugliest, shittiest "art" I've ever seen. They could have just made "NFTs" a weird little dot or a QR code or a long number or anything, but they ended up these algorithmically generated dogshit eyesores that have little stories and imaginary video games and music videos.

these algorithmically generated dogshit eyesores that have little stories and imaginary video games and music videos.

i think they keep ending up making things like this because they're trying to do creation-by-committee. early adopters get the "reward" of joining a discord to figure out what they're going to make. (note, already at this point, this is living hell. absolute living hell. as a reward.) who knows how the fuck that goes. but in that scenario, an evergreen proposal would be "let's figure out a way to auto-generate our creative output! we can be more like managers setting the initial parameters and shape of the system -- it's way more efficient that way, and also, that would enable us to keep expanding while keeping the costs of production low!"

that's a fucking terrible idea, but it's also one that you can apply to just about anything. more importantly, it changes the creative burden for those tasked with figuring out what kind of "art" they're making it, and it becomes more like a collaborative homework assignment with the biggest group of turds you've ever been assigned to work with. of course the way they shape the parameters of their generative systems is boring and tacky and ugly as hell.

if you take those 100 individual cryptofucks and asked TWO of them to come up with a strong idea on their own, you might, by chance, pick two people whose unique awfulness would collide to create something both disturbing and mesmerizing. but take 100 people's shitty ideas and average them all out by group consensus, it's like taking every single color and mixing them together. you get peanut butter

tbh I blame videogames and the mainstreaming of dogshit capitalist “street art”

what do you mean by videogames?

because believe it or not i had another paragraph in there that i deleted, about videogames. nothing big, just that there's been a huge jump in crowd-sourced "early access" games in the last several years, where the community gives feedback to the developer and it's supposed to be a "collaboration" before the actual release of the game, to tailor the game to the community's expectations. and how, that ends up reliably creating hits and games that people play, but it's also weird and very conspicuous how so many games eventually get the same "features" and it seems like genres are merging, even, that there is an expectation for them to merge. the end result is nowhere near as pathetic or completely, completely forgettable as NFT art, but it's a similar kind of form of collective collaboration that kind of sucks

voight-kampff test log, 2022.10.05

look at the image and do not blink.
https://i.imgur.com/Jno94DY.png
(ten seconds pass)
is this NFT or is this Gorillaz or is this NFT and Gorillaz?

yr all gonna look pretty stupid when your grandkids are the only ones in the post-apocalyptic hellscape without an heirloom zombie space monkey jpg

It all makes total sense now, how I’m Kranky King and I hate the children

It’s like, yes you do jump so high and do the ground pound and ride the Rhino. And your soundtrack is one of the best I’ve ever heard. And yet, the entire purpose, for more bananas, is both measurable and idiotic

Kranky K*ong

an evergreen proposal would be "let's figure out a way to auto-generate our creative output! we can be more like managers setting the initial parameters and shape of the system

I say this as a fan but… Autechre?

Yes! Same. And I feel that deeply with autechre. I can do extremely right, as well. But the tools of generative art can go extemely wrong in a capitalist’s hands

My laptop broke so permanent typos with me are a thing, sorry. Just guess

https://www.nme.com/news/music/madonna-readies-nft-collection-that-includes-her-avatar-giving-birth-to-a-tree-3221905

I find some the generative art aesthetically pleasing. I'm sure it is a very small percentage, but TBH for real art doesn't have a great hit rate either. And I wouldn't pay anything for it, unless I could flip it. But it makes for nice phone wallpaper, I like the way it looks in my capitalist hand.

Mr. Bean/Rowan Atkinson NFTs make sense when you realize that the 21st Century version of Blackadder would be totally be a CryptoBro.

I'm nominally on Parler, so I get emails like this.

Dear Reader,

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That’s right– MAGA has taken over the crypto-verse, and we want YOU to join us!

The CryptoTRUMP Club, the recently-launched MAGA NFT Club, recently released 750 NEW one-of-a-kind Trump tokens… and we wanted to make sure you joined the movement that celebrates the unique, once-in-a-lifetime personality of President Trump.

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This isn't your basic NFT-- it's access to something even bigger.

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own a special and unique piece of our 45th President, Donald J. Trump

Quite the offer...

you know you're on the premier social media platform when it openly aligns itself with the single dumbest political movement in the history of humanity

https://cdn.deepredsky.io/_next/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fmedia.deepredsky.io%2Fcover-picture%2F97a56ad2-8bf6-4192-9aed-4a36c9121095.png&w=3840&q=75

Why do I have an erection

because you watched so many erectile dysfunction commercials that one day you found yourself buying them and eating them so that when Roman Sr. and Jr. tell you to buy them you can know you already did

because you can't be a man unless you're rock hard while watching angry news

https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2022-05-10/blue-chip-nft-collections-hit-harder-by-crypto-rout-than-bitcoin

"Blue Chip NFT Collections"

“There have been substantial portfolios of NFTs built in the last six months,” said Michael Bucella, a partner at BlockTower Capital Advisors

"substantial"

Let's get phygital, phygital

Who is DC Draino?

I don't know who a single person on that MAGA stars list is.

cmon, you know BJ Baldwin

I actually don't! Google tells me he's a "car racer."

‘DC Draino’ Rogan O’Handley Left A Lucrative Legal Career To Fight For Trump On Social Media

BJ Baldwin was a '70s gay porn pioneer IIRC, his pubes were trimmed to match the curve of his 'stache.

"Blue Chip NFT Collections"

every one is generatively unique

https://i.imgur.com/EaScMJb.jpg