Posts you had second thought about and decided not to post - put them here

storing up (decontextualized) old grievances is a very weird look Luna S

Change your tune Luna. Enough already.

Just for people who don’t know/care, this relates to my boundaries thread, which is a thread I made about a topic that is important to me. There were several stupid posts where people started posting trollish things, I was irritated by this, LS posted this:


I find 'boundaries' a very amorphous concept. It feels useful, but I'm not sure the meaning stays the same across different contexts (personal, work, family, online/social media) where the sense of 'self' can differ.

For boundaries to work, you have to enforce them...

Many relationships seem to have more complicated arrangements than the Northern Ireland protocol, and with a greater variety of 'no hard border' and 'backstop' solutions, and protracted negotiations and threats to trigger unilateral dissolution.

― Luna Schlosser, Thursday, 6 January 2022 14:02 (one year ago) link

Congratulations, that’s the stupidest post yet itt

― mardheamac (gyac), Thursday, 6 January 2022 14:06 (one year ago) link

Thanks - I take my plaudits where I can find them!

― Luna Schlosser, Thursday, 6 January 2022 14:10 (one year ago) link

I guess you’d have to.

― mardheamac (gyac), Thursday, 6 January 2022 14:12 (one year ago) link

So yeah, not exactly the nicest I’ve ever been on ilx. Then this:

Oh - this was the thread where my "stupidest post yet itt" unsurprisingly went straight over gyac's head.

― Luna Schlosser, Wednesday, 21 December 2022 12:14 (one month ago) link

So yeah. If LS and others have such a problem with such really banal pushback to the point of bringing it up almost a year later and repeatedly across other threads, I’m questioning whether I’m the one with the problem. Because it’s not the first time I’ve had someone hyperfocus on me after some mild pushback and I’m frankly pretty sick of it. That’s even taking out the context that being female online is so full of this shit routinely! Frankly could do without it! Killfile exists!

I don't have any personal grievance with gyac - to be clear.

I do notice that gyac is a particularly combative poster - and i'm pointing it out.

Over stuff you think is trivial and unimportant, yes. Killfile me. I don’t like you or your grudge.

A combative poster on ilx? Really?!

Have to say it absolutely kills me reading male posters pointing out how bad sexism is and how they’re such good guys for noticing, but pointing out sexist comments on here and the absurd trolling towards one of ilx’s few female posters just isn’t a thing. And of course I’m combative for not just ignoring it.

Seriously, I manage to stay out of 99% threads that don’t interest me because I hope the threads will die, so why can’t the rest of you? That’s a serious question.

Because of the agreement on unfettered access - no new checks on posts crossing thread borders.

― Luna Schlosser, Tuesday, 31 January 2023 23:18 (two weeks ago) link

No personal grievance though. I didn’t laugh at this man’s joke over a year ago.

I think I was the model of politeness on that boundaries thread btw and elsewhere . A polite poster on ilx ? Really!

I mean if you are pointing out combativeness in a poster on the internet you are pointing out nothing.

What is your actual issue?

gyac - as you keep mentioning this alleged grievance on a variety of threads - i have responded to you on the original thread.

You know when I said to killfile me? That. I don’t care that you don’t like me - and that you seem to think it’s fine that you’re repeatedly insisting that I’m in fact too stupid to grasp your initial point - but I care that you’re making that fact my problem. Leave me the fuck alone.

Why would I want to keep a thread about an important topic to me from veering off into trolling? It is a mystery.jpg. Let alone the fact that I had to stop posting in that thread.

Congratulations, that’s the stupidest post yet itt

― mardheamac (gyac), Thursday, 6 January 2022 14:06 (one year ago)

some people might not read this as "banal pushback" and genuinely feel hurt about being on the receiving end of a comment like that?

otoh, gyac is regularly making comments like that and your "stupidest" post is only one of a mind numbing quantity of stupid posts made by many other ilxors that she has pointed out in the past year or so. ... like one fart joke among hundreds of fart jokes, so the healthiest approach imo would be to just not rehash this over a year later? As opposed to piping up a whole year after the fact saying the equivalent of "what was wrong with my fart joke?"

idk maybe my perception is based on being one of ilx's few female posters ...

you can also do the classic ilx move and start a poll of posts that gyac called stupid, including your post, and gain reassurance through group approval ...

Oh cool, I’m so glad this is continuing.

Just so we’re clear, though, I don’t feel bad about calling a post stupid if the thread it was in had good discussion and also the NI comparison is unbelievably crass and tone deaf bearing in mind how poisonous the discourse is in the UK about it. LS reads the UK politics thread so I assume he knows I am Irish as I mention it in the context of xenophobia towards Irish people specifically in relation to the protocol and post Brexit issues. So actually, no, make a comment like that and stupid is very very very mild criticism.

But sure, I’m the problem and not the fact that I frequently comment on bigoted posts people make. Those are fine.

, I don’t feel bad about calling a post stupid if the thread it was in had good discussion and also the NI comparison is unbelievably crass and tone deaf bearing in mind how poisonous the discourse is in the UK about it. LS reads the UK politics thread so I assume he knows I am Irish

I didn't point this out in my comment because I didn't feel like it was worth stating something that should have been obvious to LS when they made that initial post ... I have made crass and tone deaf posts in my 14 year ilx history, and I am embarrassed by them, and I definitely have no desire to bring any of them back up. I would like to think that I either apologized for them or sat with the discomfort, and then tried to do better in the future.

I respectfully decline to engage on this.

going back to a classic mod response when DJP was a mod ... "this is a good one to let go"

We could definitely make a poll of gyac posts that dudes weirdly fixate over and keep bringing up months later but I’m waiting for there to be a few more, I can only think of 3 canonical examples

i was merely thinking that you could ilx search "stupidest post" and then poll those options, and maybe steer the poll away from posts that gyac called "stupidest" and include other ilxors' judgments of posts as "stupidest" so that the poll isn't just about one ilxor ... though really the idea of the poll in the first place was a joke.

In any case, much as I love having another nice struggle session I’m still waiting for an explanation about how my commenting on the atmosphere that produces posts like that unperson one, or whatever, is worse than having to read that shit on here as though it’s acceptable. Like I would estimate the majority of posts I’m combative on are about stuff that matters to me, so I’m kind of confused* why that’s so upsetting. What should I do instead? I’m all ears.

*i am not remotely confused, this is sarcasm.

where was that unperson post? what thread?

duh ... i know how to search, sorry for asking you

In my mind that thread is the male equivalent of the "no boys" thread ... like it's men talking about what masculinity means to them ... I stay in my lane and don't go there.

Not saying that you shouldn't go there, gyac, just ... explaining why I didn't note that post.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTRBUnjAgq8

abesimpsonrevolvingdoor.gif

it’s weird i thought the show was always middlebrow pop consumer sci fi bs, but i guess even it’s wack charms are now gone

Too bad his parents didn’t consider it for 52 years after

In any case, much as I love having another nice struggle session I’m still waiting for an explanation about how my commenting on the atmosphere that produces posts like that unperson one, or whatever, is worse than having to read that shit on here as though it’s acceptable. Like I would estimate the majority of posts I’m combative on are about stuff that matters to me, so I’m kind of confused* why that’s so upsetting. What should I do instead? I’m all ears.

*i am not remotely confused, this is sarcasm.

― here you go, muttonchops Yaz (gyac), Sunday, February 19, 2023 5:26 PM (three days ago) bookmarkflaglink

I didn't participate in the conversation, but since you're asking and I actually thought about those posts after reading them, I'd say it's the chain you construct from general atmosphere in the UK/world to you being upset to assuming an individual poster is [sexist] to the lashing condescending tone of "you do realize you just did abc". It did seem like stopping a conversation by making the worst assumptions possible about someone or misunderstanding them on purpose, on a forum that is generally educated and sensitive and civil, and I wondered why you'd choose to do that and wonder why you seem to have gained something here by forcing an apology ? It's not like unperson is going around all day being unthoughtful and tactless, and I thought his post was clear.

So basically it must be possible to separate things better

Nah, bozo.

The conversation I allude to has gone on for quite a long time especially among female ilxors, on and off here, and unperson has made comments like these before. In any case, please explain to me why using a derogatory term like “young pussy” should be acceptable in a shared space, and please explain to me exactly why me commenting on this is the issue and not the fact that people feel comfortable making those remarks.

Why would I choose to do that? I don’t know, maybe I feel like a shared space on the internet shouldn’t tolerate that kind of stuff? It isn’t rocket science. I have to say, I didn’t foresee anyone defending that comment but ilx will always go lower, I guess.

And just because I want people to see exactly what you’re defending:

https://i.postimg.cc/ZqyprHfV/24-A28-C30-6-CD3-4-AB1-98-F2-7396-B594639-E.jpg

https://i.postimg.cc/QCDQN7JS/944-A6-C4-D-DD96-4-A9-D-9-ED6-6-BAFCB4-ADA90.jpg

https://i.postimg.cc/3xNgwY2M/5-FF41-DBD-11-DA-445-D-9-DDC-60-B0484-F623-D.jpg

https://i.postimg.cc/j5Hf15Yf/ABA547-C8-8-F11-4022-8219-A9-A0-AA62-B6-B0.jpg

But yeah, you’re completely right of course. The problem is that I didn’t keep my mouth shut and let the man talk about how non sexist he is. The problem is that my comment expressing this incredulity is lashing, you know, like there’s nothing dehumanising about reducing a woman to a descriptive as a literal hole. Nothing bad there, no, absolutely not.

Ofc the icing on the cake was that once a man piped up to say that he also had a problem with it then the tune changed entirely.

"wonder why you seem to have gained something here by forcing an apology"

Looking at that thread unperson only apologized after Neanderthal said he was uncomfortable..xp indeed, an exchange which follows from the screenshot.

Ofc the icing on the cake was that once a man piped up to say that he also had a problem with it then the tune changed entirely.

Just because you're offended doesn't mean you're right. If we're being fully frank (and why shouldn't we be?), I came away from our initial exchange thinking that your reading of my post was uncharitable (portrayal of sexism is not the same thing as sexism) and possibly rooted in one-to-one personal dislike. When someone else, someone I don't think actively dislikes me, expressed similar misgivings, I was forced to reconsider, and think okay, maybe I am the asshole here. But since you're still pounding the table about it more than a week later, I'm inclined to revert to my previous interpretation, which is that even if I did fuck up, you only called it out because you don't like me, or saw my post as useful for your larger project of shouting about The Grotesque Misogyny Of ILX.

lol

In conclusion: boys will be boys.

And if you’re female and want to post here, you’d better keep your mouth shut on anything that you find objectionable.

Yeah right, men-women only interacting like alien species where gender issues are only understandable by the latter is exactly my experience. If "boys will be boys" is the premise and the conclusion, I wonder why you bother.

I’m very sorry that you can’t read.

If "boys will be boys" is the premise and the conclusion, I wonder why you bother.

― Nabozo, Wednesday, 22 February 2023 bookmarkflaglink

An apology was issued at the time and then retracted bcz the person has decided to make up a persecution in their head. Just being "frank", you know..

Nobody cares you've been shouted at by a woman over some sexist comment. Log off.

I'd urge you to consider how you'd feel if you found yourself writing "this language was a way of inhabiting the mindset of a casual racist", and what might follow.

imo gyac was being entirely reasonable in pointing out what she found unacceptable in unpersons post.

or saw my post as useful for your larger project of shouting about The Grotesque Misogyny Of ILX.

What are the dividends on that project btw? Do we have an increase of women posters in the past two years? If yes, then 100% worth it.

I think you should have enough for that poll now, wins.