Posts you had second thought about and decided not to post - put them here

fucking rock music

more fucking would be a good idea actually

should have skipped the "kind of" and saved the world's collective hearing from furher assaults.

*FURTHER

HOLY SHIT that was a bad typo

pretty sure no one here is in favor of fuhrer assaults tbh

Bob James has never struck me as music to get laid by.

jimb! THAT WAS THE FUNNIEST PART because even my prude asexual ass was like, "huh i dunno about this one..."

BUT HE WAS SO DAMN SURE OF HIMSELF.

"Hang on, baby, lemme put the 'Taxi' theme on."

So
E of these are really stretching the definition of “acerbic one-liners”.

Makes horrible sounds come out of your speakers. Puts out CDs. Difficult to cancel. AOL or Ryan Adams?

can't believe this thread isn't about the Cheetos movie

idg why dudes do this -- masturbate in front of people non-consensually -- like, maybe it's because I don't have and have never had a dick?

fwiw i'm not a dude but i used to have a dick and masturbating in front of people non-consensually seems incredibly fucking gross to me too

i don't get a lot of shit dudes think it's ok to do. never did.

Cancelation - worthy behaviour.

Behavior

the only person that did this to me also decided to sexually assault me while passed out drunk twice so that was consistent at least

[moderator cw: discussion of psychology of SA]

(nb I do not masturbate in front of people non-consensually) I think the psychology here is something like - the dude sees a girl and is attracted to her, he feels bad because he realises that if she knew he was attracted to her she would be indifferent at best or disgusted at worst (or maybe he fears that she can tell he's attracted to her even if he tries to hide it, his body language or facial expressions betray what he's thinking), her imagined negative reaction is experienced by him as a kind of attack to his self-esteem, by getting his dick out and masturbating he regains his sense of agency and ameliorates the uncomfortable ambiguity about what the woman is thinking/what she knows - "I CHOOSE to disgust you, this is something I'm doing to you rather than something you're doing to me", when the fear is she'd be disgusted whatever he did and that he's not in control.

I think it's similar to the way someone might intentionally cause a scene or force a confrontation over some smouldering resentment when drunk, even if they know they are humiliating themselves, the public humiliation is easier to bear than brooding on it over and over alone in your own mind, it's cathartic, and the other person involved is forced to share your discomfort and embarrassment

The psychology is the same as any other form of sexual assault. They do not respect the autonomy or dignity of their victims. They want to hurt them in some way. So they do.

I don’t think anyone thinks this is “ok,” they just think they can get away with it. Unfortunately, some people are like this.

xp that's true as well of course, but I think there's something specific in what motivates this particular kind of sexual assault that is also self-debasing. When the Louis CK stuff came out it reminded me of this thing Marc Maron would always say about how comedians are people afraid of being laughed at who become comedians so they can control when/how people laugh at them, I think the same is true of public masturbators, but to feel like they control when/how people are disgusted by them

i want to control when/how people are disgusted by me too!

The psychology is the same as any other form of sexual assault. They do not respect the autonomy or dignity of their victims. They want to hurt them in some way. So they do.

^^ this, and also some people find other people's obvious discomfort titillating, which is another standard feature of sexual assault

Yeah you know what, there could be less devil’s advocating about the inner thoughts of guys who drop racial slurs on air or expose themselves to women

ya'll ever see that michel gondry film _human nature_?

(spoilers incoming if you haven't seen it)

(but it's over 20 years old, so i don't feel the need to hide the text)

anyway, that part where patricia arquette's character finds puff for the first time in the wild and when she finally gets close enough to him to try to initiate communication, he immediately starts wankin it. ignorantly, almost unwillingly - like that's the sort of uncivilized mentality i imagine goes into it. except, even worse because a world famous music producer and dj does know better. this cretin just doesn't care.

last note, very tmi-
i know i'm not a typical "MAN" but wow, i completely do not understand how other dudes can get it to work in that scenario. i'm thinking logistics: how do you make sure your pants/other clothes aren't in the way? AREN'T YOUR HANDS DIRTY? what happens if it "leaks" onto unwanted things?? do you, like, point it in the assaulted's direction? so many questions. besides the moral issues it raises, this is a true "wtf" for me.

yeah i'm not about rehabbing unconsensual masturbators. the one time it happened to me, I was picking up the co-worker and he began watching porn and doing it right next to me. and began asking me to do it myself and I angrily said no, and then he said "well can I at least see your dick" and I screamed at him.

i really shouldn't have given him a ride at that point but I was 23 and scared of the guy.

Yeah you know what, there could be less devil’s advocating about the inner thoughts of guys who drop racial slurs on air or expose themselves to women

― TY FRANCE HATES TEXAS CONFIRMED (gyac), Monday, 5 June 2023 16:47 (forty-nine minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

I don't know why you'd read that as 'advocating' on behalf of guys who expose themselves to women? I said that it's ultimately about control and power

When the Louis CK stuff came out it reminded me of this thing Marc Maron would always say about how comedians are people afraid of being laughed at who become comedians so they can control when/how people laugh at them, I think the same is true of public masturbators, but to feel like they control when/how people are disgusted by them

_Yeah you know what, there could be less devil’s advocating about the inner thoughts of guys who drop racial slurs on air or expose themselves to women

― TY FRANCE HATES TEXAS CONFIRMED (gyac), Monday, 5 June 2023 16:47 (forty-nine minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink_

I don't know why you'd read that as 'advocating' on behalf of guys who expose themselves to women? I said that it's ultimately about control and power

I think the psychology here is something like

I think the psychology here is something like

I think the psychology here is something like

a couple of people were saying that they don't understand why guys do this, and whenever a story like this comes up it seems several people will say that they don't understand why guys do this, that it's incomprehensible to them, which was why I responded, because it doesn't seem particularly incomprehensible to me?

Guess we can’t have second thoughts anymore

Is there a need?

― TY FRANCE HATES TEXAS CONFIRMED (gyac)

ok i'm gonna challops here, yeah! i think there is! this isn't one-off behavior, this is something a lot of guys do. i don't whip out my tits and start fondling them in front of other people. to me challenging patriarchy means deconstructing patriarchal behaviors - and i'd call masturbating in front of people without their _enthusiastic consent_ a basically patriarchal behavior. NOT TO SAY THAT WOMEN DON'T DO THIS, patriarchy is _system_, women can act (and many women do act) to reinforce patriarchy and men can be victims of patriarchy.

maybe if mods want to add hidden text tags to the explanation if the discussion is triggering -- would that alleviate the concern? But I agree with Kate -- I genuinely think it's worth discussing, and I don't think soref or anyone was actually defending this. This is the seconds thoughts thread. Having this discussion on the #metoo thread is something I felt was inappropriate, which is why I posted my "idgi" on this thread.

just wanted to say- so sorry you had to endure that, neanderthal. i'm being a little flippant in here, however it's no laughing matter and you definitely didn't deserve it.

Will never tire of adults whining about not being “allowed to…” or “guess we can’t” when criticised. I eyerolled at the discussions, that’s it.

so your eyerolls can actually dictate text to be posted on ILX? That's some amazing tech you got there!

Here to say that it does help when potentially triggering content is behind a spoiler/buffer/hidden text. This includes a lot of things for a lot of people so obvs hard to apply universally — in a convo about SA I think it’s a good measure.

I just hate when I check out a band like this on t.v. or Youtube and I get that horrible feeling of embarrassment. I wish I could unsee it. They are just so tedious and not good at what they are doing. That attempt to be epic and theatrical and "meaningful" a la the cringe-y Coldplay or Arcade Fire. And their singer really does take fan identification to new heights. Literally anyone pulled from the audience would and could do a similar workmanlike job of badly expressing awkward emotions. Maybe it would be better if I listened with my eyes closed? So that I don't have to see all that strain and heavy lifting? Strain and heavy lifting to play a song that doesn't even begin to move for what seems like forever! I doubt it though. Yuck. Makes me want to wash my mouth out with a Mekons CD or something.

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Shit sorry not sure how to turn that off. Anyway, holy shit it's scott! Hope you're doing well.

scott! super good to see you!

I was just about to say "Is scott back?"

on the triggering content note, if anybody would feel better if my personal story upthread was behind a hidden text field, I'm ok with that. i didn't consider that when I posted.

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Who fuckin' cares why they do it?

people who fuckin' want to know why people do horrible things

I mean, sure, but how much brainpower do you want to spend trying to figure out why men do terrible things? A lot of the time, it boils down to, They can get away with it. Maybe that's a better place to spend brainpower.

Bill_Tench.gif

Exactly, look at the massive amount of literature on serial killers or the roots of the third reich. There's a strong desire among many people to learn about stuff like that, in a lot of cases because it is so far outside of how their own brains operate, so they are grappling with how such messed up mindsets come about. But yes, I do think "I did it because I could get away with it" is an underrated motivation.

It can be naive to boil down every enemy / bad person motivation as "because: evil". Whether you get anywhere productive by being more curious about it than that is entirely situational.

Exactly, look at the massive amount of literature on serial killers or the roots of the third reich. There's a strong desire among many people to learn about stuff like that, in a lot of cases because it is so far outside of how their own brains operate, so they are grappling with how such messed up mindsets come about. But yes, I do think "I did it because I could get away with it" is an underrated motivation.

― Muad'Doob (Moodles)

i think a lot of people would like to _think_ the third reich is far outside of how their brains operate but i'm not sure the evidence available now necessarily backs that up :(

I think Hannah Arendt buried that idea.